We open, not in the TARDIS, but on some strange an alien planet with this young lady named Idris and her companions:

Uncle: who wishes he could go in her place...but not really because whatever they're doing to the poor girl, it's going to hurt.

They set her upon a platform and "Auntie" explains that Nephew is going to drain her mind and soul from her body and leave only the vessel behind.

Good times.

She's scared, of course, but Auntie reassures her that it will all be okay, because there will be a Time Lord coming.

Meanwhile, in the TARDIS, the Doctor is telling Rory a story that he really doesn't believe.

He consults Amy, who believes it, of course...because she was there.

The Doctor is grousing about the warning lights always going off, which gives Rory time to pull Amy aside to talk about the Doctor's death. She's can't get her mind off it, and Rory wants her to leave it alone for now.

Suddenly a knock (In the Form of "Shave and a Haircut" because everybody loves a clever knock)! This is perplexing because they're out in space, but the Doctor seems to be excited about it!

It's...a flying box?

Apparently it is some kind of Time Lord communication system. Mail, if you will. A Flying box? We should have known this was Time Lord technology.

The Doctor explains further that it is a distress message. In times of trouble Time Lords wrap up their thoughts in little tiny psychic boxes like this one and send them out in the world to find help.

The underlying point of all this that has got him so very excited is the fact that there must be another Time Lord out there to have sent this thing.

Doubly exciting? It's one of the good Time Lords: This ouroboros is the mark of the Corsair. He never had a regeneration without it!

As for the tricky fact that the Doctor is the only Time Lord left in the universe... Easily solved: They are heading outside the Universe!

Leaving the Universe through this crack is no small feet. The Doctor has to delete some rooms to make it through. He jettisons the swimming pool, the scullery, and Squash Court number 7!

No! Not Squash Court #7!

The Doctor is excited to be in a brand new Non-Unversal place for about two seconds, until the TARDIS is drained of all power. The Matrix...TARDIS Soul has vanished! To where has it vanished, the Doctor wonders.

Cut immediately to Idris. *ahem*

Just in case you didn't immediately get it...we hear the TARDIS noise and Idris expels some time energy.

If you still don't get it, I'm not going to explain it to you.

The Doctor and Co. Embark on the planet here, and Amy asks what kind of trouble the Corsair is in. The Doctor doesn't know, but what he does know are many synonyms for the word "Trouble".

Since Rory is here for all your expositioning needs: He asks the Doctor how they can be outside the Universe since the Universe is everything.

The Doctor likens it to a tiny soap bubble hanging onto another bigger soap bubble. Rory thinks he gets it for a second, but the Doctor tells him it's not really like that at all, pats him on the back, and walks away.

Rory gives him the rolly eyes of doom.

Amy recaps what we just recapped and Rory wonders where all this scrap came from. It's just fallen into this tiny soap bubble universe by mistake.

The Doctor corrects himself and calls the Universe a plug-hole that they've fallen down instead.

So that makes this the Drain? Yep. As my plumber can attest to, there is all kind of crap that falls down into the drain.

The rest of the gang has come to find them, and Idris heads straight for the Doctor. She talks a mile a minute, calls him a thief, is really confused about the difference between Hello and Goodbye and gives him an extremely sloppy kiss much to everybody's shock here.

Auntie and Uncle manage to yank Idris away from him. They welcome the crew to their Rock.

The Doctor wonder's why Idris thinks he's a thief. He hasn't stolen anything. She tries to explain that he's stolen her, but can't seem to get her tenses straight.

She has the Doctor completely bamboozled.

Auntie apologizes for Idris' being totally bonkers.

They introduce themselves, and Uncle is pretty creepy with no concept of personal space as he gets all up in the Doctor's grill and warns him to be careful of Idris, because she "Bites".

Idris, takes him literally and Mike Tyson's the Doctor.

They wrench her away from him, but she still thinks biting is awesome. "It's like Kissing...only there's a winner!"

Uncle apologizes once again for her being "Doolalied" She disagrees. She is something else but she can't think of the word.

Instead, a new idea about kissing pops into her head, so she chases the Doctor around until she's restrained.

She finally pauses in her manic energy, because she had a thought about the Doctor being angry.

The Little boxes will make him angry.

Before the Doctor can extract any useful information out of her...(That he knows of right now) She grabs the Doctor's chin and tells Rory that the word petrichor means the smell of dust after the rain.

He wonders why she's telling him that, because he didn't ask. She says that he WILL ask.

Auntie and Uncle think that maybe it's time for Idris to take a nap. She agrees and promptly passes out. The Doctor and Rory deposit her in a nearby chair.

Uncle thinks that she's dead, and he doesn't seem to be too broken up about it. Rory assures everybody that she is not, so Uncle tells Nephew to take the poor girl and put her somewhere where she can't bite anybody.

Amy and Rory come face to face with an Ood for the first time. The Doctor assures them that the Ood are one of the good guys.

The Doctor attempts to talk to Nephew, but his voice ball thing is broken. The Doctor asks if he can see if he might be able to fix it.

Auntie explains that they were all broken when they landed here and "House" repaired them (all of them)...as Houses are wont to do.

The Doctor fixes the speech ball, and suddenly they all here a bunch of voices crying out for help.

They are Time Lords. Ooopsies.

Nephew shuts off the signal, but not before the Doctor's curiosity is highly piqued.

Okay, maybe curiosity isn't the word. He can't explain to Rory what the voices were, because those voices shouldn't exist. I think the phrase we're looking for here is "Freaked Out".

He demands to know what else is on the planet. Auntie tells him that what he sees is what he gets...also the House. She directs Nephew to take Idris away. (Why is Idris the only one who has a name?)

The Doctor wants to know what this House is that she speaks of.

The World that they are standing on...that is the House.

Auntie offers to take them to meet House. Rory's about to ask how the heck that is possible, but the Doctor hush fingers him. He would love to meet the House.

Auntie and Uncle lead the way, which gives the Doctor enough time apart from them to explain to Rory and Amy that there is what sounds like a whole bunch of Time Lords nearby, and they're all in trouble.

Idris meanwhile, has been locked in a cage while Nephew stands guard over her. She's still trying to figure out what she is. It's a big sad word...or it will be sad.

Long Story short: House is a sentient asteroid.

They do everything with House: walk on him, breath his air and eat his food... "Smell His Armpits" Amy snarks.

Oh, but we're not going to dwell on that because things just got creepy as Auntie and Uncle get all slack and their voices go all deep as they speak in unison as the voice of the House:

They Do his bidding too apparently.

The Doctor explains further that house is a big "oogly" think inside an outer shell. House welcomes the travelers and lets it be known that he knows the Doctor is a Time Lord.

House explains that he's met a lot of people through the rift, and he repairs them all when they break.

The Doctor asks if there are Time Lords there at the moment. Suspiciously they are absent. House says that many a TARDIS has come to rest upon him, and the Doctor lets him know the bad news...

He's the last one.

The Doctor is still suspicious of those voices that came out of the Ood ball, as the House tells him what a kind people the Time Lords were. He offers them a place to rest upon his back.

Rory doesn't like the idea of staying in this place at all.

Are you kidding, Rory? Of Course you're going to be staying here. The mystery has not been solved yet, there's plenty more adventurin' to go!

Aunty gives the Doctor free reign to go look around the asteroid.

Well, Auntie has no sense of personal space either, as she declares that House loves Amy then rubs all over her face with those creepy hands.

In her cage, Idris is babbling and babbling and she doesn't know what she's saying or why.

She calls out for her "Thief"

Over here, Rory wants to blow this Popsicle stand as soon as the TARDIS is finished refueling.

The Doctor vetoes that idea. They aren't going anywhere until they find the missing Time Lords. Amy tries to point out that it can't really be possible, because he told her what he did.

The Doctor is desperate to save them though. If they are the good ones then they can be saved, and he can explain why he did what he had to do.

Amy astutely points out that maybe he just wants to be forgiven for what he's done.

He agrees.

This is enough to convince Amy. She asks what she can do to help and he sends her off to the TARDIS to retrieve his jacket and screwdriver. She's not the only astute companion in the room though. Rory points out the the Doctor is wearing his jacket.

His other jacket! duh. Before she goes, Amy warns the Doctor not to get emotional. she doesn't want him to make any mistakes.

She orders Rory to look after him.

As soon as she turns her back, the Doctor tells him to go look after Amy instead. I wonder who he's going to listen to.

Of course.

As soon as they're both in the TARIDS, it is enveloped by a green smoke.

Amy calls the Doctor up on the Mobile, and he tells her to have a good long look for the screwdriver and that Jacket...that don't exist.

Does this count as the Doctor's emotions leading him to make mistakes already? Because Amy and Rory going on this wild goose chase now means they are locked inside the TARDIS.

He concentrates on the sound of the voices and they lead him to this very tiny room where a bunch of fully grown Time Lords couldn't possibly fit.

Well now. No Time Lords in here, but there is an impressive selection of distress cubes.

Auntie and Uncle arrive on the scene.

He gets it now. It was all a trap.

It was House the wise one, Auntie says, but the Doctor isn't having that. He wonders how they've been repaired... They are a patchwork of different body parts.

If the Doctor wasn't completely irate before, then Auntie showing off her big arm with the Corsair's ouroboros tattoo is going to send him careening right over the edge.

Yep. That little speck of hope having been dashed, the Doctor yells at them that the better run, because this is an anger the likes of which have never been seen.

Before he goes, Uncle is going to point out the Doctor is too late and the House is too clever for him.

Speaking of an anger that has never been seen before, Amy's over here calling up the Doctor and she's pretty pissed off that he's lied to them just to get them out of the way.

the Doctor isn't listening to Amy though. He's come to a realization about something Idris said earlier. She knew that the boxes would make him angry.

Amy doesn't even get a chance to explain that the doors are locked before the Doctor runs away and leaves her hangin'

The Doctor storms in, demanding explanations, and Idris just thinks it's about time her thief has shown up.

An emotional Doctor that doesn't trust his closest allies? Amy thinks this is very bad news. Rory agrees when he sees the green light through the window.

An oblivious Doctor..in more than one way...is still trying to figure out what Idris is.

she says that they put her in "Here" The Doctor thinks she's talking about this cage, but she's pointing at her head.

She's still having trouble with her words an can't think of what he calls her. She has to explain it like a game of Taboo an says that they travel together and then she makes the TARDIS noise.

The Doctor doesn't believe that, but she soon convinces him with a memory of their first meeting. She was in a museum and he said that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever known the first time they touched.

And then they stole each other. He says borrowed. She explains the definition of borrowing and says that she has no intention of giving him back.

He finally believes her. Now how about that lock?

Outside of the cage, she wonders about what that big sad word she is, and if people are always "Bigger on the Inside"

The Doctor wonder's why they would want to put the TARDIS in a human.

That's not the point. Succinctly put: "House Eats TARDISs". It's something the TARDIS heard the Doctor say in the future.

How to explain this...

Um, the House transplants the TARDIS matrix into a living receptacle so that it may feed on the remaining energy in the Physical TARDIS. It cannot eat it with the matrix inside, nor can it just delete the matrix, because that would rip a hole in the universe.

The Doctor tries to warn Amy and Rory as soon as he realizes what's happening, but too bad they're locked in.

He can't get in. They are scared and stuck inside as the TARDIS dematerializes. What to do now?

The Doctor is at a loss. He takes a moment amidst the panic to be excited about this new and different feeling then smacks himself back into reality.

Rory tries to reassure Amy. They are safe in the TARDIS. Unfortunately House is there to correct that assumption.

They are in the TARDIS, that much is true. As for being safe...

House is into mind games it seems. It wants to know why it shouldn't just kill Amy and Rory where they stand.

Back on the Asteroid, the Doctor is trying to figure out why House took the TARDIS on a joy-ride instead of just chowing down on it.

Auntie and Uncle are no help, since they're trudging off to die. Seems the only thing keeping them alive was House.

Uncle is against it.

Seems like House has hijacked the TARDIS to go on an exploratory mission to find more TARDISs

The Doctor really means it when he said that his TARDIS is the last one though. House is going to be SOL.

Auntie's sure that House will think of something. And then, Like clockwork, she drops dead.

Uncle says he feels fine and dandy, but soon enough he drops dead too.

The Doctor is beside himself now that the only people with any inkling of what's going on have passed. Idris/TARDIS is there though, and she knows that they are where she landed in three minutes.

She does know all of space and time, y'know.

I really don't know whether or not to call her TARIDS or Idris anymore but...I guess we'll go with TARDIS now.

Speaking of which...apparently it's broken, just like Auntie and Uncle. She gets a pain in the side, the Doctor scans her and reveals that she is dying.

She knew it was inevitable though. You can't stuff a TARDIS matrix in a human body and expect it to live for long.

The Doctor is just frustrated that he has no idea what to do and he's stuck here in this junkyard.

Oh, but it's a TARDIS junkyard! Time to get to work!

Speaking of names...the Doctor finally asks if the TARDIS has one. The TARDIS is indignant that he's never asked before now.

she seems to be under the impression that her name is Sexy, because that's what the Doctor calls her. Only when they're alone, he points out.

the TARDIS slyly points out that they are alone, so he whisks "Sexy" away to help him enact his master rescue plan.

Meanwhile, in the House...House is excited about all his new rooms, and Rory tries to plead ignorance when he's reminded that they never answered House's question from earlier.

So, why shouldn't House kill you guys? Amy looks to Rory for an answer because she can't seem to think of one. It might not be such a good idea we'll come to find.

Rory doesn't even attempt to get House not to kill them at all, but instead goes straight to: Don't kill us quickly, because that wouldn't be any fun! How about a game of cat and mouse first?

Let us Entertain you, House!

House tells them to run...and here we go!

It's the TARDIS graveyard.

The Doctor is wondering if TARDIdris thinking what he's thinking. Well...she thinks she's looking at the corpses of her devoured sisters.

He wasn't thinking that, no. TARDIS does know what he's thinking though...that they are going to cobble together a working console out of spare bits. He doesn't care if it's impossible. AS long as he's still alive, he's going to figure out a way to get to Rory and Amy.

We see some of the inner workings of the TARDIS as Rory and Amy run through the corridors while House taunts them.

He is quite enjoying the sensation of them scrabbling around inside of him.

Which is creepy, yes.

Then Amy nearly falls down a hole.

Back on the Asteroid, the TARDIS is giving the Doctor instruction.

and they are both bickering at each other. She points out that he never reads the instructions and often behaves like a child.

He says she's not his mother.

Since we're airing our grievances here, the Doctor is now going to point out how unreliable the TARDIS is. She never gets him where he wants to go after all.

That's not the point. She has always taken him where he needed to go. This gives him pause, and suddenly the whole TARDIS being able to talk back thing doesn't seem so bad.

He thinks it would be great if they could always talk, even when she's inside the box. Alas, it doesn't work that way and she knows it. She's the one who gets them there, and he's the one who runs around adventurin'. That's just the way it works.

In the midst of this conversation, one of her kidneys fails. Time is running out!

SO they have to get moving on that console, because she's only got 18 minutes to live, the universe is about to end and Amy and Rory are being chased by a mad green gas.

The Doctor questions the safety of flying without a shell, but safe is relative in this situation.

In the House, Amy runs on through some doors and slow-poke Rory gets caught behind them.

Neither of them can get it open as they call for eachother, but Amy suddenly hears Rory from behind.

It's Rory, and he's just right around the corner from where the other door has closed.

What has been mere seconds for Amy has been hours for Rory apparently.

Amy leads the way again and has not learned her lesson about running ahead, because the same thing happens.

The TARDIS makes small talk while they build. She asks if the Doctor doesn't wonder why she chose him all those years ago.

The Doctor seems to be under the impression that he's the one who chose her, but the door was unlocked for a reason.

She wanted to see the Universe.

It is finished! The Doctor wonders what could go wrong as a doo-dad springs away from the console.

It wasn't important anyway. There's always a part left over, right?

Amy heads back around the corner again to see if Rory's there.

She completely passed him by. Not surprising since he's now an old man. An old man who has somehow survived without eating for years and years.

He's waited two-thousand years for her AGAIN. Okay, that's well past a human life-span, but the waves of guilt and resentment that Old Man Rory is throwing at her are enough to short circuit her logic centers and she apologizes profusely.

He comes after Amy and she jumps away as he cries out about how "They" come every night to hurt him. Who are "They?"

And we're through the doors again.

They're ready to go now over here.

This new console isn't pulling rift energy out of the atmosphere like the Doctor had hoped. TARDIS catches her squishy face in the mirror.

He's frustrated with the lack of power and the TARDIS checking herself out.

He thinks they've got nothing left, but there is one thing. It's the thing he's always had.

And we're off!

Around the corner again and Amy's faced with angry messages scrawled for her all over the walls.

And there is Rory, or there is skeleton is anyway.

Really? Fourth episode in a row where Rory is presumed Dead/fake dead/actually dead for a short period of time before being revived and now he's skeletorized?

Raise your hand if you think this is real life.

Nobody? Yeah. Me either.

Oh, well...Amy does anyway.

Amy apologizes profusely to the Skeleton while Rory rounds the corner completely oblivious to the mind fuckery his wife has been enduring these past few minutes.

Hug it out guys.

Rory explains that House is just messing with their minds.

Meanwhile, In SPACE!

the TARDIS has locked onto...the House.

The Doctor wants the TARDIS to send a message to Amy so that they can lower the shields and let their makeshift vehicle inside.

The TARDIS wants to know if Amy is the pretty one. Indeed. Send that psychic message away!

Well, Amy isn't the pretty one the TARDIS has in mind. *Internet High Five*, TARDIS. I'm totally in agreement with you.

They have to keep on trucking to one of the old control rooms the TARDIS directed Rory to since House is in the current one.

The Doctor wonders how it's possible for her to have consoles that he deleted still inside. She explains that she archived them. Even the future ones and now has about 30.

The Doctor's adamant that you can't archive something that hasn't happened yet. And you can't build a TARDIS out of spare parts either, but you see how that worked out, right?

The lights go out on Amy and Rory meanwhile.

A few feet away and the lights are fine and dandy for Rory.

Instead of like...staying with Amy or something like that, Rory decides to leave her there in the dark so he can go exploring around the corner.

He immediately gets clonked in the head.

She hears a voice calling out to her. It's Rory and he says he's okay and to make her way towards his voice.

It's not Rory though, because he's lying unconscious over here on the floor.

She reaches out her hand and comes in direct contact with Nephew's Oodles. (That is what I am calling their mouth tentacles from now on.)

This freaks Amy out, and Amy pops up from unconsciousness to drag her away.

We'll take a moment back over here for the Doctor to call the TARDIS sexy.

Rory and Amy have reached their destination, time for the TARDIS to psychically send Rory the passkey which is: Crimson, Eleven, Delight, petrichor

He says it out loud but the door remains shut. Amy's off to the side having an epiphany about petrichor.

She realizes why the TARDIS told them the meaning of the word earlier. So they could know what it was because the door lock is Telepathic. They have to think of the things, not say them.

Think it out Amy! Hurry, before nephew gets here.

Crimson, Eleven, Delight, Petrichor

They make it into the old control room, and the shields are lowered! I have no idea why I took a cap of this though. I believe it is Rory's hand.

The big ball of TARDIS is still hurtling through time and space.

House is not too pleased with this turn of events, but he's not especially worried. He's just disappointed that Rory and Amy couldn't join Nephew as his servants.

Unfortunately the door didn't lock again once they made it inside, and House gives Nephews orders to kill them. I guess House is done being entertained.

Psychic message incoming!

It's the TARDIS calling to tell Rory to get out of the way lest they be atomized by the incoming...TARDIS. Rory is exasperated because the TARDIS has no idea where they're going to land, so how can they get out of the way of that?

Thankfully, she doesn't materialize right on top of Rory and Amy.

Hugs!

Sorry to interrupt this happy reunion, but the TARDIS's Idris body is wearing down fast now.

The Doctor gets to introduce her to the gang though. Yes, guys...the crazy lady is the TARDIS.

And a Woman! Let's not forget that part. The TARDIS is a woman now.

Amy wonders if the Doctor made a wish for this to happen, and it's much funnier when she says it, so you should totally watch this episode.

The Doctor says it's not like that, so let the TARDIS take this moment to introduce herself with his favorite pet-name for her:

Sexy.

Well, House has been quiet this whole time, but I guess he's had enough now, because he orders Nephew to kill them all.

Unfortunately Nephew has been squashed like the Wicked Witch of the East. Oops!

All he is is dust in the wind...

Well, House wasn't expecting these uninvited guests, so he toys with ideas on how to murder them all now that Nephew is gone.

First he messes with Gravity, then he sucks the air out of the room.

The Idris body is definitely waning, and she whispers something to Rory. Over here the Doctor is making a deal with House. On his own, House can't get to the Universe, so he needs to keep the Doctor and Co. alive so that they can help.

Amy does not like the sound of that.

Over here the TARDIS is dying, but she has to hang on a little bit longer.

House gives his word that he will not kill them. The Doctor trusts him, and Amy does not believe this shit.

The Doctor tells House that he should activate subroutine 9 and delete some rooms so they can lose some weight and have enough thrust to get through the rift.

Well the suggestion of deleting rooms seems like a good idea to House. There's just one thing. He was totally kidding when he said he wasn't going to kill them.

Like a cyberman, he's going to delete this room with them in it. House says goodbye to this Time Lord. Him and his little humans too! Heeee hehehehehe! (that is my wicked witch laugh. Go with it.)

Everything fades to white and the TARDIS hurtles through the rift.

The current control room is empty.

But not for long. The TARDIS has a fail safe. All things living in a deleted room are automatically deposited in the main control room. Hah-Hah!

House just doesn't get that he should be quaking in his little green boots right now. He brags on killing tons of Time Lords.

But there's someone else in this room who has killed all of them. That's the one we should be afraid of right now.

Forshadowing stick incoming! Watch out!

The TARDIS is whispering things to Rory...about a forest. There is no forest in the here and now, but we all know how confusing tenses get around this girl.

In something I can only assume is the Doctor's grand master plan, he suddenly concedes defeat and gets everybody to give House a rousing standing ovation for a murderous job well done.

The Idris body has died.

House is all -whatever- about the whole thing and wants to know why the Doctor is goading him about sticking the TARDIS matrix in this human body that wasn't designed to hold it.

Well, House, you see... It was supposed to die somewhere far, far away from its home base here in the control room.

The matrix is expelled from Idris' body. She's back in her box where she belongs now and this town ain't big enough for the both of them.

And House is gone. Killed or just kicked out into the middle of nowhere space and time.

and the TARDIS makes one last appearance to talk to the Doctor in the form of Idris.

She has found the big, sad, complicated word she was looking for this whole time, and the word is "Alive".

The Doctor isn't of the opinion that Alive is sad, but he soon changes his mind with the TARDIS's explanation that it is when Alive is over.

They both know she'll always be around, but this when she had a voice and, yes. This makes the Doctor sad.

She has one thing more to say to him before she goes...and it's not goodbye like he thinks it is. It is "Hello".

He doesn't want her to go, but soon...

Later, the Doctor is tinkering with the whatzits.

He's installing a firewall!

Amy and Rory wonder why he can't make the TARDIS talk all the time, and he tries to explain it to them, but when Rory touches two wires together and causes some sparks..

He explains it as "Spacey-Wacey" instead.

Hey! Rory's not going to keep us in suspense as to what the TARDIS was whispering to him. He's actually going to ask for some guidance in the matter. What she said:

"The only water in the Forest is the River."

Well, it doesn't make sense yet, but it will.

In any case, Rory's bummed out because he's a nurse and he couldn't save Idris.

Amy thinks the Doctor/TARDIS are cute together. She ships it.

Now, moving right along: The Doctor needs to make Rory and Amy a new bedroom. Preferably without bunk-beds.

But Bunk-Beds are Cooool!

Rory Face-palms, and the Doctor gives in. They can have whatever kind of bed they like.

The Nose has one more very important burning question: Does the Doctor have a room?

There is no answer for this because Amy drags him away.

Later the Doctor attempts to talk to the TARDIS just in case, but there is no answer.

But he does give out instruction to head off wherever they need to go, and the TARDIS moves this lever on her own

So we know she's listening.

NEXT TIME:

Holy hell, what IS that???

Somebody with an eyepatch makes another appearance.

Oh. It's "The Flesh". Fully programmable matter that is controlled by the humans!

Thanks for keeping us in suspense, promo!

Look everybody! Pirates!

They all climb aboard the big ship...a ship that is covered with talismans of all sorts.

In any case they have bad news to report: there's been an injury. With the solemn and dismayed reactions everybody is having, it doesn't look like it's good news for the poor man.

Time to wake the captain!

He has slipped in the bilge water and injured his hand. The Situation is dire. He may not live through the night.

Wait. That's it? I knew that medicine was poor back in the day, but I didn't think it was that bad.

Captain flips his hand over and declares the crewman dead. He has been marked.

Soon they hear the sound of someone singing in the distance.

Despite warning not to go outside of the cabin, our black-spotted guy has to answer the call of the siren. His pirate friends aren't particularly good at holding him back, so I guess they're just resigned to his imminent doom.

Behind him, the rest of the crew lock themselves in the cabin and the Captain shields them against the impending doom with this mermaid medallion.

Outside this poor, terrified pirate with a cut on his hand, faces his fate. We only hear his screams when we cut back to the medallion swinging on the captain's door.

Later, there is no sign of their shipmate except for his gun.

They lament their position...it seems as if they're stuck on a windless sea. Suddenly! There is a banging coming from below deck.

It's the Doctor and Co. Naturally! He makes another attempt at a catch phrase that fails... The Pirates are totally unresponsive to his "Yo-Ho-Hoing!" Rory just timidly waves at them, and Amy is making looks of scorn behind their backs.

After the break, the TARDIS is in the cargo hold of the ship.

Meanwhile, in the Captain's room, the Doctor is trying to explain how their sensors were picking up a ship in distress signal.

The Captain is hung up on the whole idea of "Sensors" in this scenario and the Doctor is getting nowhere with him.

This Guy...I will call him the 1st Mate since he's lurking at the Captain's right hand... Anyway, he thinks the Doctor and his crew is the work of some kind of sorcery or something.

Amy just seems a little bored and slightly annoyed by this adventure.

The Doctor tries to act all chummy with the Captain. They are both sailors after all. Unfortunately the Captain thinks that they're stowaways. That is the only explanation for their sudden appearance aboard his becalmed vessel.

what to do with a stowaway? That's right. The Doctor's walking the plank and maintaining a sense of humor about it. He snarks on the crew's piratey laughs and wonders where the parrots are as he edges out to the end of a plank.

The Captain doesn't seem to think it's very funny. There's actually a reasonable explanation for sending these extra people to the sharks... They're running low on supplies and they can't afford any more mouths to feed while they're stuck out here dead in the water.

Oh, but it's just the boys they've sentenced to death. They're going to keep the lady...For y'know...cooking and stuff.

Rory attempts to defend Amy's honor, but he can't do much to stop them.

Well, the Captain has had enough of the Doctor's mouth.

The Doctor demands more laughter. Rory does not believe this shit.

Meanwhile, below deck, Amy has found a conveniently placed box of swords.

What's a conveniently placed box of swords without a costume?

Back upstairs the Doctor is preparing himself for shark-bait while wondering what happened to the rest of the crew.

Before they can answer or push the Doctor off into the briny: Amy to the Rescue!

The Doctor is afraid for her facing down these terrible pirate foes. They are pirates after all, not exactly a group known for their ethics.

Seems her weapon of choice is pretty darn effective since she has the Captain worried that a sword can kill them all.

That is the point though.

This pirate has chosen to do battle with a stick, as Rory can tell you, this isn't exactly an effective weapon against swords.

Amy has somehow managed to hold all these pirates at bay. I'd say they're disproportionally afraid of one girl with one sword...for a big bad band of pirates anyway.

This guy's about to wet himself for goodness sake. What kind of pirates are these?

Well, we all know what they're scared of, but Amy here just thinks her amateur swordsmanship has got them on the run.

Actually, her sword skillz aren't totally scoffable. She actually manages to take out one guy then swing across the deck on a rope...kicking a couple more guys and slicing this one right here.

He knows he's as good as dead and he says so.

Amy just thinks he's the biggest drama queen ever.

We know better though. He's got the black mark of death on him.

Amy is displeased. These sad sack pirates are no fun. This is no way to go adventurin'!

Meanwhile, the Doctor is still in the clutches of the Captain who is explaining to Amy why they are all quaking in their pirate boots. The Siren will show up at just one drop of blood.

Amy is not taking them seriously at all, and she goes swinging at one that dares approach her.

Amy swings straight into the pirate's arms and loses her sword on the way. Rory breaks free and makes the unwise decision to grab at the sharp end.

Don't judge. You know you've all grabbed something dangerous without thinking. (bare metal handle attached to the hot pan on the stove, I'm looking at you.)

Oh, Rory, Rory, Rory.

The Doctor doesn't explain Rory's current predicament when he asks, but the Captain knows what's up. He's been marked for death.

Of COURSE he has.

The Captain further explains that there is a demon out there that comes and nabs them at the first scent of blood.

The Doctor is excited now! "Demons" are right up his alley. He tells Rory at least he got warning of his impending demise this time, but that's not very reassuring.

The singing can be heard again. The siren is upon them now.

Rory is attempting to be his reasonable self and get them all back in the TARDIS before he can perish again, when he is suddenly taken by the Siren's call and gets all swoony over Amy.

Which just seems to weird her out more than anything.

As if he'd walked the plank himself, Rory has gone off the deep end. Everything is brilliant, even the pirate's beards and especially Amy's swashbuckling outfit. He wants to cuddle her.

In fact, he's going to grow a beard with his new pirate friend right now. Then Cuddles (With Amy)

Okay, maybe not with Amy. The Captain explains that the song is what has turned them mad.

Amy is the first one to spot the blue light in the water.

Rory and his BFF look like they think this is the most amazing thing ever, possibly even more amazing than beards. The First mate and the Doctor are not as impressed.

This creature appears from the water! Ghosts!??

Amy manages to keep an arm on Rory and hold him back, while the pirate has nobody that cares enough about him to do that. I mean...his only friend wants to go to the light with him after all.

He reaches out and... Certain Doom, right? You know certain doom is coming?

Blam! As soon as she touches him, he turns into dust!

Even still... Rory wants to go to there.

Amy's having none of that. She will cut a bitch who messes with her man and his stupid face.

Whoa. Siren isn't having it either!

Amy get's knocked on her ass by Siren's red faced fury and the Doctor orders everyone into the hold.

Meanwhile, Rory welcomes dust-hood with open arms. He has to be dragged away kicking and screaming pretty much.

Now they're in the hold, knee deep in bilge water and the Captain is explaining the mythology behind the Siren.

We all know that this is an episode of Doctor Who and it's not really a Siren, correct? Let's just get that out of the way now.

And just like an episode of Doctor Who, the Doctor is eager to get the bottom of the mysterious green singing "shark" as the first mate likens her to, in an evening gown.

The Captain's all...*Shut-Up! It's a Curse!* The Doctor is amused by the humans and their tiny brain capacity to understand and/or seek out the logical explanations for our myths instead of just slapping the word "Curse" on it and going on our way.

I don't know about you, but Curse sounds about as likely as Aliens or some other explanation that we don't know about yet .dot .dot .dot

Over in other areas of the bilge, Rory is explaining to Amy how the Siren is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She attempts to talk some sense into him.

Sense and Rory do not belong in the same sentence right now. Maybe he won't be doing any explaining tonight.

Over here the Captain is expressing his disbelief that the TARDIS is a real ship. He wants the Doctor to prove it. The Doctor isn't happy about the gun and thinks that maybe the Cap is overcompensating for something.

One of the mates thinks that maybe they should just leave Rory to the Siren to save them all. Rory thinks that is an excellent idea.

But before the Doctor can shoot down that notion, it gets all Stand By Me up in the Bilge water when they realize there's leeches chillin' down there. I don't know about you, but I would have totally climbed on top of a box before a leech got a chance. Knee high bilge water isn't something I would want to be standing around in.

Excuse my Schadenfreude, but this is the pirate that wanted to leave Rory. Now the Siren can take you instead!

The Doctor ponders -why does it want blood- and tries to dispel any worry they might have by assuring everybody that they're safe behind locked doors.

What was that you were saying? Famous Last Words, Doctor.

They at least attempt to try and stop this pirate.

And then there were three pirates. Three pirates that want to know how the hell that thing got inside.

The Doctor theorizes that it was using the bilge water as a portal, and they have to find somewhere that has no water.

Amy thinks that's a preposterous idea in the middle of the ocean, but the Cap has a place. The Magazine.

The Doctor has to explain that that's not a thing you read, but a place where you keep all the weapons, and we know that gunpowder has to stay dry.

The Doctor gives the order to head on out to that magical land of no water, but the Cap doesn't like that. He gives the orders on this ship.

The Doctor doesn't seem too worried about being shot, and he leads the way anyway.

Well, well, well...the key is missing now. What kind of a first mate are you? Can't even keep your keys straight.

The Doctor approaches the door and pushes it open. It was already unlocked, which means someone already found the best hiding place on the ship. Who could it be?

Just a shot of the first mate's slack jawed disbelief here, because it's kind of hilarious. Either he can't believe he had his keys stolen out from under his nose, or he can't believe that he didn't think of hiding away and leaving everybody else to fend for themselves ages ago.

Inside, the Cap orders them to barricade the door and reminds them to be careful with the lanterns. They are in a place filled with gunpowder after all.

Well, they found the person who stole the keys, and it wasn't a scaredy-cat member of the crew. It's a real stowaway. His coughing gave away his location.

We learn that it is the Captain's son, and the Cap wants to know why he's there. At first I thought it was just because he was hanging out in a barrel of gunpowder, but the kid is still coughing.

Mom will be worried after all... Not so much. The boys mother has died.

Apparently the boy doesn't know that much about dear old dad. His mother told him stories about how he was an honorable Captain in the Navy, and how the boy would be proud to know him.

Awwwwwk-Waaaaard.

The boy wants to join the crew here, but Dad wants to send him back. The Doctor is sad face for a moment, but soon smiles at the boys spunk.

Dad can't send him anywhere when they're stuck a hundred miles out at sea, becalmed, and not going anywhere.

The Cap tries to explain that they are not safe there. There is a curse...but the boy is well aware of the black spot. He coughs as if to punctuate the point.

Later after the Cap has checked the boy and found no scars, they are all back to square one as far as theories go. Apparently it isn't blood that the Siren wants after all.

New theory! It's coming for all the sick.

Finally the Doctor is for getting the hell out of there. It's only a matter of time before they all become sick or injured.

Again with the guns! The Cap doesn't like it when the Doctor tells him that they should go retrieve the TARDIS together.

meanwhile, the boy is thirsty, so he opens up a water barrel and the Siren immediately pokes her hand through.

The Doctor manages to slam the lid back on the thing, and the First Mate whines about being cursed again. This makes the Doctor a little bit angry because he doesn't think they're helpless. If they were actually cursed they would be.

The Doctor asks the Cap for orders...and his orders are that he and the Doctor are going to retrieve the TARDIS while everybody else stays put. The First Mate is getting restless. He doesn't want to be a sitting duck.

After some reassurances for Amy and Rory and learning that the kid's name is Toby, the Doctor and the Captain head on out. The Cap wonders if maybe the should draw straws for honour of being in charge.

Seems that now he's away from the eyes of his crewmen he isn't as quick to draw his gun and assert leadership.

The Doctor gives him 1st crack at it anyway though.

His first act as the man in charge is to trip and almost impale himself on an exposed nail. Siren or no...that would have hurt!

Inside the TARDIS...before the Cap can get a word out and he swirls around taking everything in, the Doctor stops him. There is no time for shock and awe right now.

Bigger on the inside. Moving right along.

Back in the Magazine, I guess Amy has been passive aggressively huffing around waiting for Rory to ask her what's wrong. He finally does and she reveals that she's upset that the thinks the Siren is the most beautiful thing in the world and not her.

It seems the Siren's spell has worn off Rory for the time being, because he can't remember saying that at all, and is kind of embarrassed.

We'll leave that tender moment aside and go over to the door where the first mate and his friend are removing the barricade.

Mutiny on the Bounty! It's a mutiny of two though, so I don't know how effective that's going to be. Maybe it's more like a deserting.

Back in the TARDIS, instead of cowering in a corner at all this magical technology... the man that was confused by sensors earlier is showing a healthy curiosity about the inner workings of the ship, and manages to pint out a few things that he recognizes.

"Ship's a ship" he says.

Back in the Mag. The kid...Toby, is dismayed at the crew's lack of order following. What kind of officers are they, not to listen to the Captain? Their NAVAL Captain who is in the Navy.

Now...this kid is no idiot, so I think this is a case of willful ignorance that he hasn't figured this out yet. He wants to believe in the man his mother told him about, even if that man doesn't exist anymore...if he ever did.

The First Mate has had enough of this, so he's going to smash the kid's idealized version of his dad into little tiny bits. His eyebrow has developed some kind of cowlick denoting the douchery that is now afoot.

Amy gets very Momly with Toby and tells him in a soft voice not to listen to the mean old man as she covers his ears. This screencap kind of makes me 'aww' actually.

We're Pirates! Arrrrrg!

Toby, of course, doesn't want to believe this shit, but as the 1st Mate tells him of how dear old dad is a murderin' pirate...it seems to start to sink in.

Back over here, the TARDIS is becalmed and the Cap is amused that the Doctor's ship doesn't work either.

Over here again, and these two dogs are planning to make off with all the booty.

Oops, Toby found a sword, and you're the jerk that just ruined the perfect image of his dad. I'd watch out, if I were you.

1st Mate is a bit scared, but he thinks Toby is just playing games. Doesn't look like the kid is playing games to me.

Hah-Hah.

back in the TARDIS and the Doctor still can't get her going. It seems as if she can't lock onto the proper plane. This confuses everybody including me. The Doctor thinks we should get T-shirts. Good idea!

The first Mate is distraught now that he's been marked for death. The Rest of the gang think he's certainly got what he deserved and Mulligan...the other pirate who has remained nameless until now, takes the keys. He's outta here!

Amy reminds him that there is no honor among thieves, as he full well knows, so he shouldn't be so surprised that his buddy has made a runner on them.

Now he looks like he's about to burst into tears. He can't beat 'em anymore, so now he has to join them, so he reinstitutes the barricade.

Over in the TARDIS, there's a lot of technobabble happening, but the Doctor is out of ideas to get the ship moving, short of stroking her and singing her a song.

They have to abandon ship! They make it back out just in time to see her dematerialize to places/times unknown!

This is something that's never happened before, and it's got the Doctor confused and more than a little bit worried.

They come across Mulligan making his escape. The Cap points out that this is mutiny, but Mulls is getting while the getting's good.

The Doctor thinks they should go after him because he's got the supplies. The Cap is just worried about his treasure.

Mulligan locks himself in another area of the ship and lights some kind of dangerous looking torch that consists of some kindling on top of a piece of metal or something. Naturally, he burns himself.

Outside, the siren's call is heard, and the Cap and Doctor check themselves for injury...the Cap's pectoral region seems to be of great interest.

Neither of them is the target though. She's come for a Mulligan.

Inside there is no sign of Mulligan. He's been taken, but at least the Cap gets his crown back as he wonders how she could have gotten into this particular waterless room.

The Doctor tells the Cap to ignore all his previous wrong theories. This one is the real deal. It's not the water she's getting through, but the reflection in the water... Reflections are the portal!

Reflection, you say?

Yes. It is the polished metal, this is why she attacks ships filled with treasure and where the legend of the Siren came from.

Off to warn the others now!

Unfortunately, Toby has made the decision to polish his mermaid medallion to a bright sheen.

The Doctor and the Cap make it in time, and the Doctor snatches away the medallion and fogs it up nice and good while Toby looks at him like he's a crazy person.

Amy and Rory also think this is a bit strange, even by Doctor standards.

The Doctor gives the all clear, and just as quickly as he came, he runs back out again on a mission to destroy every single reflective surface on the ship.

Even if it means 7 years bad luck.

The Cap wonders how much worse it can get. For you? Much worse.

The Doctor wants to send the booty to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

The Cap really doesn't want to do that, but the mention of Toby and his imminent demise, has the Cap sold. Reluctantly. Very reluctantly.

The Doctor sends him after the crown in the storeroom.

Once there, the Cap removes the crown from the sack that it's in and admires it. One last time, perhaps? Perhaps not.

Right, so, back in the Magazine with Rory and Amy wondering why they can't TARDIS the hell out of there (It's been "towed")

The Doctor and Cap are explaining that they can't even go above deck because of the calm water...

If they can't go above deck, they had to bust all the mirrors and get rid of the treasure because...???

Later, when everybody is asleep, the Cap sits down to have a heart to heart chat with his son. He's sorry about the kid's mom dying and everything.

Instead of answering the question the Cap poses about how much he must miss his mom, Toby lays on a huge guilt trip and wonders why the Cap hasn't sent word in three years.

See. He made a promise to Mom that he would come home. She died without ever getting to see that.

Toby wants to know why he became a pirate. That's a question that isn't going to be answered right now either.

Meanwhile, Rory and Amy are asleep and she's hearing voices that wake her up. They are saying to "relax" and "everything's going to be fine."

It's the Eyepatch lady!

That wakes Amy right up, but the eyepatch lady is gone now, and she has nobody to talk to about it. Not that she would.

The Doctor and Cap are out on deck, where they're not supposed to be... I guess they're okay, since they're not marked yet.

The Doctor is stargazing and explaining that adventurin' is no fun without somebody to go adventurin' with.

The Cap doesn't take the hint. He's still sending Toby back to England, since he's not the father that Toby needs or thinks he is.

Ahh, well, the Doctor is going to ask how the Cap became a pirate, also, we learn that his name is Henry Avery.

No, we don't get to hear the story. We only learn that the Cap is now resigned to the life of a pirate and thinks there is nothing he can do about that now.

The Doctor thinks different. Things can always be changed.

Inside the Captain's quarters, Amy has something on her mind that she wants to discuss, but the Doctor shushes her. The Doctor has a funny feeling that he's being watched.

It's a storm!

Apparently he's only got Amy and Rory and the Doctor to help him out with the sails, and they know nothing about that. The first mate has disappeared.

Toby heads below deck to retrieve the Cap's coat and compass. Rory can't hear a damned thing that's being shouted at him.

Toby arrives with the jacket, but stumbles. The crown of the fabled Burger King spills out of it and onto the deck. Everybody stares at it.

Toby looks to dad for an explanation for this fuckery.

Dad has no words. He knows he's done a bad, bad thing that has put two of them in grave danger.

Like clockwork, the Siren appears.

Despite the warnings, Toby heads straight for her.

Nobody moves until it's too late.

Toby is gone now, and the Doctor gives the Cap a stern dressing down and an all too accurate theory on why the Cap turned to pirating:

He's a greedy, selfish, SOB, basically is what it boils down to.

In other places of the ship...Rory is knocked right over the side into the water by the boom. Amy wants to jump in after him, but the Doctor manages to catch her before she does.

The only thing that can save Rory from a watery grave...

The Doctor has a new theory that is hopefully better than the other ones. Perhaps the siren isn't just a ravenous she-beast. Perhaps it can be reasoned with, and maybe everybody is still alive.

Somehow.

They all prick their fingers, so that the Siren may take them to the same place that she's taken the others.

There she is! She's coming to take you away. Ha! Ha!

Later, the Doctor wakes up.

They're alive!

And they're on a spaceship that's trapped...unseen...in a temporal rift right atop the Cap's ship.

To Make a long story short...the ships are in parallel worlds. Amy says she gets it, but the doctor says it's not really like that at all.

The reflections are gateways between the worlds though. So that explains that.

The Doctor throws a Clevis (look it up ) at the window and it slides right through and lands on the ship's wooden deck.

There's an alarm sounding and the gang realizes that the distress signal they were picking up wasn't coming from the pirate ship after all, but from this one.

So...what's behind door number one?

Dang. I'd imagine this thing once upon a time looked like some kind of giant rat monster.

They wander into the control room where there's another Rat monster, and Amy's wondering how long they must have been stranded between universes. The Captain thinks it must have been a damn long time because it looks like they starved to death.

Since this is the episode of totally wrong theories that are totally wrong, let's take a moment to consider the Doctor's hypothesis that the Siren is a stowaway herself, and Amy's...that the Siren killed these aliens and their crew.

It wasn't the Siren. It was human bacteria that killed them.

While the Doctor is explaining this totally mundane reason for the dead on the ship, he sticks his hand in some alien boogers.

And wipes them on Amy's sweater. What else are BFF's for?

They head through another door, and instead of the skeletal remains of a long dead crew, they find Cap'n Henry's crew instead and they're still alive.

So they all run to their long lost loved ones. The Captain to Toby, and Amy with Rory.

The Doctor and TARDIS.

Not only is Toby alive here, but his fever is now gone.

Their body functions have all been placed on hold basically and have they've had tissue samples taken.

As soon as the Doctor and Amy try to free Rory, the Siren shows up, so they hide behind some kind of machine.

Rory's awake and struggling now, but the Siren soon comes and puts him back to sleep.

The Doctor is gleeful at this new bit of information...her song is basically anesthetizing these people. The Cap has had enough of this and he brings out his gun. Obviously, the Doctor protests.

He shoots at it, but as you can see, that does no good.

The Doctor sneezes and attracts her attention to him as he wonder's what this burgeoning fireball's purpose is... I guess, besides flambeing him.

Sterilization he guesses as he sneezes into a handy tissue and tosses it aside for the Siren to vaporize.

Well, the Doctor has a new theory, so disregard all the other theories! Amy tells him that they've been ignoring him for a while now on that front, and she keeps trying to free Rory despite the Doctor protesting.

He eventually just shouts out his new theory...the Siren is not trying to kill anybody. In fact, she is a Doctor. This theory seems to be the correct one, as she goes from red back to blue...though she still remains sneering at Amy.

Long story short?

She is an Automated-Doctor who no longer has a crew, so she's been hopping back and forth between worlds attempting to take care of the humans.

Alas, she has no idea how to fix humans, so she just puts them in stasis and watches over them. She's still screaming at Amy whenever she tries to release Rory.

So the Doctor has Amy try to explain that she's Rory's next of kin. The Siren seems to get that and offers up some kind of futuristic consent form. (That's what the Doctor Calls it) Amy is taking full responsibility for Rory once she puts her hand in the circle.

One Problem... Rory's still in the midst of drowning.

Somehow...even though he can't breath when the machine is off...when it's on he can totally talk to everybody. We'll pretend this is physically possible.

Amy explains that he has to stay here on the machine forever if he doesn't get up now...except if he gets out of the machine...he's going to die. Catch 22.

Oh, but wait! He wants Amy to Pull him out of the machine and resuscitate him. He's a nurse. CPR, Amy? Let him explain it to you.

Amy has absolutely no faith in her skillz to pull this off.

Rory has enough faith in her for everybody though. He knows she can do it.

Amy tries to get the Doctor to agree to do it instead, but he wanders out of the picture and Rory tells her that she should do it...because he knows she'll never give up.

Well, if that over there wasn't a dire enough situation...

The Doctor has to explain to the Cap that the ship must go back into space, so the Siren doesn't get out and try to put every human in existence in stasis. What of Toby?

The Doctor just gives a shake of the head. What Toby's got can't be cured this day and age. The Kid basically has no chance, unlike the rest of the crew who only have minor cuts and scrapes.

Since the Cap basically has nothing to go back to, and neither does Toby, he decides he wants to stay on the ship and let the Siren look after his boy. The Doctor wonders if the Cap can fly this thing and he says to "Just Point Me at the Atom Accelerator."

Dude catches on quick for someone who was confused by 'sensors' at the beginning of the episode.

Over here, Amy has received her tutelage and they're ready to get Rory off the machine.

Into the TARDIS. Amy begins chest compressions...Rory isn't breathing.

She's practically having a nervous breakdown as she does the CPR, and the Doctor's got his Sad "This isn't going to end well" face on.

Rory's still not waking up. Amy sinks down to her knees.

Oh, but that last effort seems to have done the trick!

The Doctor looks on as they hug it out.

Out in Space...the Cap and Toby are 1st and 2nd in command up on the ship's bridge.

The Rest of the Crew are there too! Only the guys we got to know though:

Mulligan, the Baldy from the beginning, 1st mate who we never even saw taken by the Siren...he must have slipped out in the middle of the night, Dude who wanted to leave everybody to the Siren, and Rory's Beard Brother.

They are Space Pirates now!

Over in the TARDIS, Amy thinks she made an awesome pirate. Rory thinks she was an awesome nurse, they say goodnight to the Doctor and the Doctor calls her "Amelia" which she points out...he only does when he's worried.

Well, she puts him in a constant state of worry, he points out.

Amy worries too, she says as she flashes back to his death from episode one.

The Doctor tells her to go to bed, and Rory tells her that she can't tell him the truth of his future. He knew exactly what she was thinking about.

And what does the Doctor have to worry about? Amy's still maybe...possibly...or not preggers.

NEXT TIME!

Doctor's got mail.

And then get's Hushed.

And the Ood are back in town!

We begin with a voiceover of some unnamed being and the image of Earth, chillin' in the solar system.

He is telling the of how the Doctor brought a compromise to the species of human and siluran, and all the terrible losses he suffered.

Way to start the episode off on a high note!

So, the Doctor and Nasreen are touring the Silurian settlement way down deep under the surface of the planet. Nobody seems to be home, and the Doctor posits that they are probably mostly still in stasis.

Nasreen just wonders how the hell plants can grow down here.

Nasreen wonders of waltzing around the place all out in the open is the best way to be going about this. The Doctor thinks the "Front Door" approach is best. As soon as he says that, alarms start ringing. As they do.

They are surrounded.

Hands Up. "We Come in Peace"

They are immediately gassed despite their show of hands.

Meanwhile, Amy still hasn't been disected. Apparently this dude moves in super slo-mo.

The Doc records his observations of the subject. He is under the impression that female humans are more cold resistant than the males because of Amy's short shorts. She yells at him that she dressed for Rio.

Amy struggles against her restraints, but they just clamp down harder on her, and MO futiley yells at the Silurian to leave her alone.

Before he can get to the disection, the alarm bells that the Doctor has raised attract his attention and he has to go see what is up with that, because they are requestion a species diagnosis on them.

In his distraction, the Silurian has somehow been pick-pocketed by Amy while she was still in restraints... AT THE WRISTS.

Seriously? Girl, why were you wasting your time as a kiss-o-gram? You could have been a master thief by now!

In any case, Mo is happy to be rescued.

He's Mr. Question man as they make their escape. Aliens? Invasion? What's happening? Amy doesn't know, but she knows someone who can help.

Before they can get on their way, Amy is distracted by another door.

Amy somehow manages to turn the light on so they can look in the handy portal and see what's behind the door. It's Elliot, and he's hooked up to some tubes.

Understandably, Mo is a little upset.

Amy has to calm him down when they aren't granted access to the room. Mo's first instinct is to take the Doc hostage and make him open the damn door with weapons!

I think Amy just tells him that she'll go along with this plan of action so she can calm him down and get him moving.

Upstairs, Ambrose is still mourning over the headphones.

Now she's pissed off at Rory for lying about being the police. He calls it a more of a misunderstanding.

Ambrose wants to know who they are and what did they ever do to deserve this. (My guess is...you dug a big ass hole in the ground, deeper than any hole has ever been dug, and set off a red alert, awakening a race that would have just stayed asleep and not bothered you if you hadn't done that.)

Rory, in an attempt to be in charge and put her at ease, assures her that the Doctor will get her family back and in the mean time they wait and gaurd the creature.

Sounds reasonable to me, but Ambrose wants instant results!

Rory tells her to trust the Doctor. He does. with his life.

I am reasonably certain the Ambrose does not believe this shit.

Downstairs, the Doctor is getting scanned. Looks painful.

Meanwhile, we have a new charactor, who is admonishing the Doc for letting the prisoners escape. She thinks they should be under military gaurd for this very reason, instead of down in the lab being studied.

I think it's safe to assume that she's one of the warriors.

Her name is Restac. The Doctor tells us that even if she might want to run the place like a police state, she and he are of the same rank.

Restac just grits her teeth in frustration at him, and when asked about Alaya, she says no and turns away.

the Doc. tell sher it's okay to be emotional about the lack of contact since she and Alaya are related.

Then he decontamonates the Doctor.

Upstairs, Alaya is chillin in her cell.

Mac...or Tony. He can be Tony in this recap.

Anyway, he comes up behind her and she senses him.

Alaya is bewildered by the fact that he is still upright and breathing. She bit him, and he should be dead by now.

He shows her the venom coursing through his veins.

He offers to help her escape in return for curing him, but Alaya isn't going to take that offer.

She'd rather stay imprisoned and watch him die.

Damn.

In between the screaming pain of each round of decontamination, the Doctor attempts to explain that he's not human.

Apparently the removal of human bacteria from his system will cause him to die.

Of course, Restac wants the process complete. She doesn't care if he lives or dies, but the Doc shuts it down regardless.

The Doctor is none too pleased with having to deal with the military.

This "Doc" explains that the drill was "attacking" the oxygen pockets above the city.

Restac is under the impression that the Doctor and Nasreen are the first wave of the coming human invasion.

The Doctor reveals his bargaining chip, and somehow picks up on the fact that Restac and Alaya are related.

Well, whatever the Doctor was hoping to accomplish with that...he accomplished the opposite. Restac now is determined to execute them as an example and refuses to negotiate with the humans.

In other areas of the settlement, Mo and Amy have discovered some statis pods.

Amy, being Amy, is not afraid to go inside and have a look, while Mo frets in the background.

Amy spots some metal disks beneath the Sleeping Silurians, and Mo finds some tubes up in the ceiling. Let's see if they can put two and two together.

Amy does, but Mo's not interested in getting back to the surface as much as he is in their weapons.

Of they go, and come accross an entire army, just waiting and ready to go.

Later, Ambrose figures out what is going on with her dad. He's worse off than she thought, and getting worse by the second.

The Doctor explains to Nasreen a little Silurian history while they are on the march to...somewhere else.

It seems that they took to the underground to avoid a massive, apocolyptic crash with another planet...which turned out to be the moon coming into orbit.

Ooops.

The Silurians want to know how the Doctor knows about their history, and he has to admit that he's met other Silurians before.

When pressed to reveal if they survived as well, the Doctor has to admit that the humans took them out.

This little nugget is probably not going to help ease negotiations at all.

*sigh*

Back Upstairs, Ambrose is visiting Alaya and demanding a cure.

Alaya, of course, isn't going to be doing that any time so, but Ambrose came with reinforcements.

She will taze you, bro!

Manipulative Warrior with hell bent on martyrdom, remember? You cannot reason with her, she wants a war spurred on by her own death.

The words came out of her own mouth. Threats of death are not going to sway her.

Alaya walks right up to her, calls her a wuss, basically and eggs her on.

So, Ambrose tazes her. Dude. That's what she wants you to do.

Ambrose apologizes. She didn't mean it. Alaya practically walked right into the tazer after all.

Alaya doesn't let up though, and when Ambrose pleads for the cure she tells her that her father and all humans deserve to die.

Alaya just doesn't stop. She's not giving up on her death wish any time soon, and Ambrose is teetering right on the edge of desperation. She thinks her dad is the only person she's got left after all. As far as she's concerned Mo and Elliot are already dead.

And she Tazes Alaya again.

Over with Tony, Rory is admonishing him for not speaking up sooner. I mean, maybe the man with actual medical training could have helped. He certainly couldn't have hurt.

They hear a Alaya's screams and come running to her aid.

Ambrose tries to make excuses for her actions, but Tony is having none of it. It wasn't supposed to go down this way.

Rory wants to help, but he doesn't know what to do with Silurian physiology. Alaya is no help. If there's a way to save her, she doesn't let him know. She wants to incite a war after all.

Rory doesn't even get a chance to attempt to do anything before she gasps her final breaths.

Yeah. You just did that.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is being led by Restac and her Doc. to some sort of hall. the Doc is arguing with her about her overstepping her authority, but Restac doesn't care. She'll do what she wants.

It's court, and also their execution arena. Good times.

Pond to the rescue!

Or not.

Yeah, this is some sort of coup happening up in here. Seems the poor Doc. here is the only civilian Silurian that's awake right now. He's certainly not going to stop Restac, who is bend on taking over the entire world and riding it of the human race.

And the Doc has a name! It's Malokai. We can call him Mal.

They're prepared for execution by being tied to some stone pillars.

Instead of being ended straight away, the Silurian's are waiting for something. I wonder what.

Back upstairs... Tony is a bit more sympathetic now.

The lights flicker adn somehow Restac is able to project herself onto this computer monitor which, if I had to wager a guess, isn't plugged into anything. That's some sweet technology there.

She asks for the leader and everybody turns to Rory. Tony says not to tell Restac what happened.

You know that's the first thing she's going to ask, right?

They're glad to see their friends alive, but not so keen on the hostage situation.

So...Restac wants to see Alaya.

and Ambrose is going insane. She's not listening to the Doctor when he tells her to hand the reins over the Rory. Instead she goes off on Restac and demands her family back.

Restac is all: No! Off with their heads. Amy first!

Amy! No!

Right before the firing squad is about to pul the trigger, Mal returns with an important looking dude in some robes who orders the gang's release.

Restac doesn't want to recognize his authority. (We'll call him El.)

El tells her to go ahead and shoot him if that's the case. This gives Restac pause.

She wants to know why Mal loves humans so damn much to go and tattle on her. He's just fascinated by our evolution. Unsurprising, coming from a scientist. There is much to be learned.

El tells Restac to go play soldiers. She's done for the day. Or is she? She doesn't seem to think so.

Back upstairs, the gang are stressing out over the sudden cut in the magical feed to this derelict computer, when the Doctor reappears on screen and gives Rory instructions on how to get down to where he is.

The Doctor seems to think everything is going to be hunky-dory with the exchange, all they have to do is bring Alaya down with them. Good job, everybody!

The gang exchange uneasy glances. We're only a quarter of the way through this episode, it's not going to be that simple.

The Doctor doesn't give them a chance to explain before he's off again, and Tony expressions his frustration at Rory, as if it wasn't his daughter that cocked everything up.

Rory, the every honorable man that he is proposes that they bring Alaya back with them anyways. The Silurians deserve at least that much consideration.

I don't think Ambrose and Tony think that's a good idea.

Back downstairs the Doctor is holding negotiations. He admits he's not qualified for the job since he is not of this planet and hands over negotiations to Amy and Nasreen.

Neither one of them seem to be too keen on this kind of massive responsibility.

The Doctor tells them they'll be great at it. The best humanity has to offer, but Amy wants Spoilers!

Do they share the planet in the future? Nasreen is just trippin' when she learns that Amy and the Doctor are time travelers.

The Doctor tells them that this isn't a fixed point in time. They have a chance to change the future and make a new timeline! Sweet!

For the good of humanity! Woooo!

Nasreen expresses her own concern for humanity's willingness to share the planet. I mean... we can't even share the damn planet with EACHOTHER, let alone an intelligent reptillian species.

The Doctor tells her to go forth and be awesome! Nasreen pouts at him because she knows she can't resist. He has a certain way of being convincing.

The Doctor is certianly tickled about this meeting of the minds. He leaves Amy, Nasreen, and El to their business and goes off with Mo to retrieve Elliot.

Upstairs...

They have to get on the disks and travel down the tubes to the Silurian settlment. Tony is skeptical, and Rory explains the Geothermic Gravity Bubbles. The Dude catches on quick for someone who keeps getting called stupid. He was explaining it all, all the way back in season five (even when he doesn't know what he's explaining)

Ambrose is over here still marinating in thoughts of what her manslaughter may have cost them.

She pulls Tony away and tries to convince him to do something he clearly doesn't want to do in the name of rescuing her son...

Methinks somebody has not learned her lesson at all. My sympathy...it is slowly leaking away.

Back downstairs, Mal is explaining how he studies the young...slows down their rate of growth so can observe them. Poor guy has beend down here all by himself for 300 years...I guess studying whatever falls down one of the holes.

The Doctor declares his love for Mal, I suppose for being a rational and scientific reptilian amidst Restac and her crew.

They exchange bro-fists.

Family reunion! Awww.

I'll let Mo recap the current situation for you, as he does when Elliot asks him where he is:

They are in the center of the Earth, and there are lizard men.

Succinctly put, Mo!

The Doctor apologizes for not keeping an eye on him, and Elliot forgives him. Smiles all around! Everything is going to be okay! Right? RIGHT?

So, Mal lets them go on ahead without him. I wonder what he's got up his sleeves?

In the courtroom, we larn that El here is the voiceover man, and he's wondering if they will ever find a solution or a compromise as Nasreen explains how we've already got an overpopulation problem.

Amy wonders if we shouldn't just give them allt he uninhabitable areas, but Nasreen doesn't think that's much of a solution once they start breeding and spreading.

Nasreen wonders what's in it for us? El explains about how his people can contribute all sorts...new medicine, new forms of energy, scientific advances etc...

Seriously, these are millions of years old creatures and they've mastered suspended animation at least and somehow are able to live in the center of the damned Earth without burning to a crisp. That might come in handy some day.

They're starting to like the sound of this.

The Doctor returns, applauding their progress as he enters with Elliot and Mo. Oh, but this celebration is about to be short-lived, because I hear the transport disks approaching.

Mal is walking through the corridors and comes across Restac, awakening her army.

Restac has gone Rogue!

Mal is horrified at this, but I don't think confronting the woman with a bunch of armed soldiers behind her is a good idea, really.

Noooo! Mal!

Still not the sad part.

Back in the meeting hall, things are about to go from pretty bad to even worse, as the gang trudges into their midsts...Tony carying Alaya wrapped up in a blanket.

The Doctor knows something is amiss.

He reveals Alaya, and is extremely disappointed in them for letting this happen.

Ambrose admits that it was her, but she did it all for her family. If she thinks Elliot is going to be pleased and grateful that she would kill for him...she's sorely mistaken. He totally gives her the brushoff.

Even Mo, who was down with the weapons before, seems a little bit shocked by this turn of events.

The Doctor tries to reason with El before he says anything. They really are better than this he says.

I don't know about that, but it isn't as if the Silurians were all entirely peaceful about things either.

Instead of attempting apologies or anything like that, Ambrose instead undoes all the diplomatic progress Amy and Nasreen have made with all the subtelty of a sledgehammer, by screaming at El to just leave them all alone.

C'mon, El! Don't listen to her. Think of her as the Restac of the human race or something.

The Doctor stalks right up to her and gives her a stern dressing down. He sure is angry about this and calls her so much less than the human race has to offer. Which, if you think about it, is a pretty fantastic insult.

well, the time for explanations and apologies has now passed with the arrival of Restac and crew. They are here to overthrow you, El.

Restac finally shows that she has some feelings, and cries out for her sister.

Yeah, lady, you're not the only being around that has a family that cares.

The Doctor attempts to reason with everybody and get the alliance back on track.

Restac thinks Ambrose = all of humaity. The Doctor tries to explain that she's just one person who was scared for her family. We can still work it out!

At this point Ambrose tells everybody that it is too late for that.

STOP SPEAKING! Oh, my god, and I thought Nasreen was the expert on digging really deep holes.

The Doctor wonders how Ambrose has come to that concluse, but it seems she has set the drill to start digging again. Countdown: 15 minutes.

Oh, well. Too late to close that window now. My sympathy has completely flown out of it. Maybe they should have locked Ambrose down in the church cellar.

Ambrose seems to be under the impression that Restac is going to let them go in order to save the settlement or something. As long as they stay underground it'll be all good.

That is not a settlement Restac is going to agree to.

Instead she orders Ambrose to be executed.

Well, that brilliant plan backfired spectacularly. Good Job.

The Doctor barely manages to escape a tongue lashing as he pushes Ambrose out of the way and sonics all the Silurian weapons within sonicing distance.

The Doctor attempts to convince them to go back into hibernation if there can be no deal. Otherwize he will smite them with his very deadly weapon.

Of course they call his bluff, so they have to escape to the lab where the Doctor discover's Tony's malady.

Meanwhile, Mo discovers that they've been surrounded by Silurians.

Short story:

Tony may be cured by the Decontamination program.

the Doctor is going to blow up Nasreen's drill, which is her life's work. She's okay with that, but it's going to cause a massive cave in and all the tunnels will be shut.

This means they have to be out of the ground, before the pulse blows up the drill.

How to get past the troops and too the TARDIS though? El has an app for that! He's going to trigger a toxic fumigation of the place. Basically all the Silurians are going to have to retreat to their cryo-chambers to avoid being gassed.

Amy doesn't believe that he'd gas his own people. He's down with it because it will only affect the ones that are going to follow Restac despite the toxic fumes. He's sad, but he realizes that the humans aren't ready for them yet.

The Doctor has his own plan though. He thinks the planet can be shared one day and he tells the gang that they need to pass the word on down through the generations with stories or relgion, or however they can do it.

Meanwhile, he'll set the cry-chambers to wake the Silurians up in 1,000 years time.

Elliot's down with that. I am now invisioning little Elliot here founding the Church of the Shared Earth or something, with a bible explaining all about the race of Homo-Reptilius living deep down in the center of the Earth and how they will one day return to the surface...

And everybody will think he's crazy.

Rory worries about how close they're going to cut it, between the fumigation and the energy pulse and getting to the surface.

Thing is, Tony doesn't have enough time. He hasn't been decontaminated yet.

Tony tells Elliot that he should forgive his mum. He doesn't have anything to say on that subject, but he gets that this is the last time he's gong to see his grandpa.

I dunno, I'd like to think that Mal slowed down his growth permanently and it wasn't dependent on being hooked up to those doo-dads...and Elliot will still be kicking around in a thousand years when his grandpa emerges. ;)

Abmrose says her goodbyes too.

The fumigation starts, and everybody has the good sense to go back to their pods and ignore Restac.

The Doctor and El share a moment of sadness for what greatness could have been.

It's time to go now, but Nasreen has decided that she too is going to stay behind.

Amy runs back to see what's holding the Doctor up in the lab, while Nasreen and Tony make eyes at each other. They have all the time in the world. Besides, Nasreen sure as hell isn't going to give up Tony only after they just found eachother.

See you in a thousand years, Nasreen!

Five minutes and counting everybody has made it to the TARDIS.

And just what is glowing way down here in the center of the Earth? It's another crack!

Quick recap of where we've seen the cracks before as the Doctor bends down to have a look. He thinks perhaps it was some kind of space/time explosion that scattered these cracks throughout the universe.

Enough crack gazing, Doctor! we're on a tight time limit here, remember?

The Doctor is just irritated that it seems like everybody they've come across knows what's in the crack except for him. He decided to reach his hand on in there. His reasoning? Where there are explosions, there is shrapnel.

The Doctor does pushups.

No. Actually he pulls something out of the crack and it flings him to the ground. He doesn't have time to check it out before a gassed up Restac comes crawling into view.

She attempts to shoot the Doctor.

But Rory takes one for the team.

The Doctor sonics him, but that doesn't do any good.

He just doesn't understand how he can be dying if he saw his future self up on that hill at the beginning of the last episode.

He tells Amy that he's sorry and she's beautiful, and then...

Just so you know...we're still not quite to the sad part yet.

Amy again wants the Doctor to bring Rory back to life.

The Crack reaches for Rory's New Balances, and we get a quick recap for those of us who don't remember our Crackology.

If the Crack sucks you in...it's like you never even existed in the first place. You were never born.

The Doctor gently urges Amy back into the TARDIS before the light can get to her too. It's too late to save Rory...from his own death and from the Crack.

He finally has to physically drag her back into the TARDIS.

Amy watches as the light embraces Rory and she realizes what this means. If he never exits, she will have never known him.

She will forget.

The Doctor turns the TARDIS on so they can get out of there as the Crack slowly sucks Rory out of existance.

This is the Sad part by the way. :(

Amy is practically hysterical at this point and the Doctor tells her that she can't forget. She has to keep him in her thoughts and remember him.

THe Doctor sits her down and tries to help her remember. He asks her to tell him all about Rory and his awesomeness.

Flashback on her memories as they slowly fade to white.

The Doctor keeps telling her to remember Rory and repeats it over and over again in hopes that it will stick.

She must not be distracted during this process...

But the TARDIS hits a bump in the road. Where is River and her stabalizing skillz when you need them?

Amy gets up from the floor, and the Doctor spots her engagement ring.

Amy asks the Doctor what he was just talking about and she sound remarkably more chipper than she did a few moments ago when she was wailing and grief stricken.

...

The only have a few seconds until... this.

Later, the Doctor and Ambrose have a heart to heart in the church doorway. She wonders why he didn't just let the Silurians execute her.

An Eye for an Eye is never the way. He says that at least now that she has probably, maybe learned her lesson, she can teach Elliot the error of her ways so he can be the best humanity has to offer.

Later, on the way back to the TARDIS Amy waves at herself on the hill. She is alone this time.

the Doctor senses something is wrong, and she says she thought she saw someone else on that hill for a second. Then she's back to being cheer and chipper and thinking about a trip to Rio.

She heads on in to the TARDIS leaving the Doctor outside alone to examine this peice of shrapnel that he pulled out of the crack, and El, the voiceover tells us that we have even more losses in store for us before this is over.

Oh, dear.

Next time: Van Gogh. You're probably saying it wrong.

Monsters in the church!

Watch out for that claw!

Last time: The Doctor Died...

There were these guys.

And Amy was pregnant! Or not! Who knows!

Also, she shot at a spaceman! Which could be a little girl! or Something! Who Knows!

Three months Later and we're back in the middle of nowhere Utah...a place I could have figured out they were shooting by looking online, or watching one of the many behind the scenes programs on the BBC last week instead of looking up the school district on the bus.

But hey, Kudos for them actually getting a bus with the correct school district for a bus in Utah! It's the details, people.

What are we doing in this scenic vista this fine day in the Whoniverse?

Well, Amy is running from a couple of cars. Damn, girl. You are fast. She has come to a dead end though.

Hey, it's Del! (I am still calling him by a third of his last name. I don't care what everybody else says!) Uhh, anyway, he's chasing after Amy? It seems as if in three months time he has gone from persona non grata in the FBI to having his own guys. I'd say, way to go! except he appears to be after the good guys.

He has one of his minions lay out a body bag. An empty body bag, Amy points out nervously.

"How About That," says Del.

Amy wants to know if he even knows what he's doing at all, because, as you may remember...or I dunno, maybe you don't. Memory is a funny thing we'll come to find in this episode.

The big bad creepy aliens wipe out every memory they leave behind once you stop looking at them.

Flashback to Del getting rescued in the warehouse.

As they're running out the Doctor insists he look behind, and Del insist that there's nothing there. He doesn't have to look. We have no indication of how Rory and River escaped from the hole.

I guess we weren't supposed to assume that Rory was about to get zapped out of existence again when we just left them down there at the end of the last episode.

He comes face to face with the alien.

And then, in present times, he shoots Amy.

Let us note the mysterious markings on her arms.

If I sound surprisingly calm about this turn of events it's because I've already watched the episode and cannot recreate my "What in the fuck?" feelings again in word form.

Over in Area 51, Del is marching around like a proper G-man, showing a now captive Doctor photographs of a Amy. He wants to know about the markings.

The Doctor is looking a little bit scruffy. He tells Del to ask Amy what the markings are.

Over in NYC, River is hanging out in an open construction zone on top of a skyscraper. She has her own markings that she's scanning with her little scanner machine, and she's in evening wear again. I guess that's just what River does...attend high class parties all the time.

River is accosted by a couple of creepies, and she makes tic-marks on her arm so that she can remember. So, now we know what the markings mean.

Great, not only is she surrounded by the aliens, but now Del and his G-men are on her case.

River tries to talk some sense into him too by explaining about the Aliens, and he gets all smiley and sarcastic with her then tells her there's no way out.

But there's always a way out for River. She spreads her arms and falls backward off the side of the building. This is a familiar scenario, so I wouldn't worry too hard about her.

Later, Del is telling the Doctor the news of River. He doesn't seem worried either. He's more concerned about these bricks that are made out impenetrable dwarf star materials.

Our government has access to such a thing in 1969? Okay, well...this is Area 51. That's where they keep all the good stuff.

Face Off! Not even the perfect prison that Del is building around him will be enough to stop him! So there! Take that, turncoat!

Meanwhile, in other Dam areas of the States.

Rory has seen a whole lot of aliens while managing to stay alive so far.

But Now he's stuck between two walls of Men In Black, so he's not going anywhere. He wants to know why they don't shoot him already. Del says it's because he's waiting for Rory to run because it will look better if he shoots him then.

He levels his gun at Rory anyway.

"Then Again, Looks Aren't Everything" Quoted because isn't Del just a quip factory tonight? He should totally have his own spinoff with lines like that.

Meanwhile, Rory closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable which comes shortly thereafter.

Later...the body bags now filled with bodies are brought in to the Doctor's cell, and nobody thinks this is the least bit strange? Oh, well, I guess this is the government and they aren't supposed to question authority.

Del is locking himself into the impenetrable by everything prison cell with the prisoner. As soon as he does he looks over at the doctor...

The Doctor tells him good job as he throws off his shackles, and Amy and Rory emerge from the body bags.

It was all a clever ruse! You don't know how happy I was to find out that Del hadn't actually gone all Benedict Arnold on us. They really had me going for a while!

Rory thinks these body bags could use some air holes.

"Never Had Any Complaints Before"

Ba-dum-ching!

I'm tellin' you.

Meanwhile, Amy has questions that are very similar to my earlier one. Won't anybody at all think this is weird that the prisoner, two dead bodies, and a sort-of agent...I'm not really sure if Del has been reinstated or not...are just chillin' in this black box together?

Oh, well, as long as it seems like nobody's coming back out then all is good. The Doctor stumbles into the Stealth!TARDIS.

Good. I don't think I could handle another bottle episode. That's what slowed down the season 4 caps to nothing. Damn you, MIDNIGHT! Bane of my existence!

The Doctor finger-snaps open the TARDIS, and they're off for more adventurin'! Del is worried about River, since apparently she'd rather jump of the side of a building without telling him her plan instead of being captured...even if the capture was only for show.

-Splish-

River dives into the TARDIS swimming pool.

So let us recap all that has been going on and all that has been discovered:

The creepies have been chillin' on Earth for many of years doing god knows what, and god knows why. All the while, the human race has forgotten their existence, because every time they see one their memories get wiped out.

Never fear though, the human race has got a secret weapon.

This rocket!

Oh, but wait. No. That's not the secret weapon. The secret weapon is Neil Armstrong's foot. Say what?

After the credits we step into the Graystark Hall Nightmare Orphanage of doom.

It's Del and Amy pulling up to the place to check things out. The things include their hands for some reason.

And their hands give them the all-clear.

Del is not only a quip factory tonight, he's also the flashback king. Here we are...at some point in the past watching the Doctor inject something into the palm of his hand.

I'm surmising this is taking place shortly after they TARDISed out of the impenetrable black box, because we're recapping what they took three months to learn again.

A. The creepies are everywhere in the world.

River says there's a concentration somewhere as she stares at a screen, but we're unconcerned with that at the moment.

Over in this area of the TARDIS, Amy is acting somewhat out of sorts and the Doctor is looking worried.

She's okay though...she's not pregnant after all! Whew. False alarm! Rory comes over to poke his ample nose into this business, but Amy is careful not to let him know about this non-news.

Meanwhile, River is trying to explain to Del that he has seen the creatures! In the warehouse? Remember?

He does not. Then she explains for the third time that she and the gang have been touring the Earth and seeing them everywhere whilst Del was pretending to hunt them down.

Rory explains about how they erase themselves from the memory once you look away...they don't even know what they look like really, and Amy explains that sometimes you feel sick, but sometimes not...it's a symptom that only affects River and Amy actually.

Del wants to know how long they've been here if they're everywhere. The Doctor approaches and tells him pretty much forever in the most sinister way Time-Lordly possible.

So, since the baddies have been here forever, this is a human revolution! The battle starts here.

He stabs River with his little stabby gun and explains that he has injected everybody with Nano-recorders so that they can record each time they see the bad guys and the exact circumstances surrounding the sighting.

So...why didn't they start with that instead of running around Earth for three months making ticky marks all over themselves?

It's like a handy answering machine. It flashes red when you've left yourself a message.

This cap of the back of Del's head totally has a purpose.

Anyway, he wants to know why the Doctor didn't tell them this before. That's what I said! Then the Doctor explains something about not being able to refresh...and the information about the creepies getting erased through time....

In any case, Del takes a glance behind him.

Then he reaches out and adjusts the Doctor's bow tie. Wait. What is that all about?
It's all kinds of adorable, but still...

Del's all...What's the problem? Dudes adjust each others bow ties all the time! Oh, but it seems he has a message.

Del hears himself panicking as he spots one of the creatures inside the TARDIS, then the Doctor is giving him instructions to adjust the bow tie when he turns around.

Which he did, but he neither remembered seeing the creature, nor the bow-tie suggestion.

He spins back around to see just what in the hell is going on back there that he doesn't remember.

There's a creature right there!

Oh, but it's only a hologram for demonstration purposes.

Nobody can describe the thing even though they just saw it. Not even the Doctor.

In case you didn't get the bow tie demonstration's purpose:

Rory and Amy explain that the creatures could be planting subconscious suggestions and getting people to do stuff without them knowing why they're doing it.

So, what's the plan of action?

For some reason the creepies are keeping this girl and she must be somewhere around the warehouse there in Florida. He sends the gang off to go find her, while he goes on his own mission to NASA.

Aaaand we are back at the creepiest Orphanage in North America.

Hey, it's Dr. Renfrew. If this place wasn't Dracula's castle enough for you already. Del flashes a badge that says he's FBI, but Renfrew doesn't want to let them in. They might wake the children.

Amy promises they'll be quiet and Renfrew grants them access.

Just in case you thought this horror show of an orphanage was going to level off on the creep factor once we made it inside...

Amy wonders if it's the children doing this. Renfrew doesn't really know it seems like, but he decides that it must be the kids. Who else would do that?

GHOSTS. Ghosts would do that.

Yes, the children even write it on this guys wrists when he's asleep or something. Del and Amy exchange glances because they know there's some shit going down in this place.

They head on up the stairs to Renfrew's office...maybe, the poor guy doesn't look like he really knows if he's coming or going, which he demonstrates quite clearly with a "Who's on First?" type conversation with Del.

Del explains that they almost skipped the orphanage of doom because it closed in 67.

Renfrew: That's the plan, Stan!

Del: It's '69.

Renfrew: No! We're closing in '67. You are mistaken.

Del: It's 1969 right this very moment, dude!

Renfrew: Noooo! Why are saying that!

Nevermind that though. Renfrew's had enough of this confusion, so he just leads Del to his office.

Del lets Amy wander off on her own, because that's always a good idea in this kind of situation.

The first room she walks contains another portent of Doom... Child's plaything rocking by its own power.

The Doctor is in the midst of some electrical engineering when he gets a call from Amy.

She explains that they are certainly in the right place.

And what is the Doctor up to, pray tell?

Muckin' around with spaceships of course.

The Door closes and locks on its own. You just knew that was going to happen, right? The more interesting bit is Amy's hand now has ticky marks.

Not only that, but she's got a message.

Her message is that she can see them sleeping, and to get out. The door is locked, so she tries the window and more ticky marks manifest themselves on her hands.

And face.

She looks up...

They're hanging from the ceiling like bats!

She kicks over a metal can waking them all up. Good going, Pond.

Then the door opens, she looks away and has forgotten that she saw an entire troop of them chillin' on the ceiling. She quickly exits as one of them watches her go.

Meanwhile, at NASA, the Doctor is trying to cleverly escape his handcuffs while explaining that he is on a top secret mission for the president.

The Nerds think that entire idea is laughable, but the Doctor doesn't laugh at their suggestion call on the President for confirmation of his mission.

Nixon arrives just in time to clear things up with River and Rory behind him in disguise.

Rory's over here breaking pieces off of models as everybody leaves.

He turns toward the Nerds.

"America Salutes You." He says. Good one. Way to give Del a run for his money, Rory.

As a side note, Rory has my permission to dress wear a suit and glasses for the rest of time please.

Meanwhile, in darker, stormier places, Del is looking through some files and wondering what exactly Renfrew has been doing all alone in this place for two whole years.

He's been taking care of the as yet unseen child.

It's important he says. I really have a feeling that we're are just getting a beat down of epic proportions from the foreshadowing stick, but we aren't even going to feel the bruises until the very end of the season.

Well, hello, extremely creepy lady with a self sticking eye patch that looks decidedly out of place for the sixties. what's up with you?

Amy attempts to attract her attention, but instead the woman looks off to the side and says "I think she's just dreaming." Then she closes the window in the door.

Amy goes ahead and peeps in the room. Predictably it is empty, and looks relatively normal for a room in a disused, mostly abandoned orphanage with ominous messages scrawled all over the walls in some sort of red substance that I won't even assume is paint at this point.

Amy still is attempting to search out the eye patch lady whom doesn't exist and she notices that the portal isn't in the door anymore.

There's photographs of the little girl in the spacesuit all over a dresser in the corner, but there is one of particular interest.

Amy is really freaked out now.

Speaking of spacesuit girl...

Amy apologizes for the attempted murder.

She barely missed. The girl doesn't look too happy with Amy's explanation. (She did it for the Doctor!)

Just like my brain, Amy is begging and pleading for the girl to just tell her who exactly she is and what is going on already. The girl only begs for help in return.

Then the creepies finally make themselves known.

Amy screams bloody murder and the door swings shut.

Meanwhile, there is a knock on Renfrew's door that has Del curious.

Upon return, Renfrew doesn't even remember who was at the door, so I guess we can surmise who it was.

Del turns his hand recorder on and asks the creature to reveal who he is. It won't matter, because he won't remember, right?

He hears Amy's screams, but he's still attempting to extract info from this dude blocking the doorway. He asked if the alien is armed.

The Alien tells Del that they have ruled the Earth since the beginning of man. They are so bad-ass that they don't even need weapons.

Famous last words, Alien dude. Famous last words.

Del whips out his gun and shoots the Creepy, then says...

"Welcome to America."

Still the king of one-liners. Sorry, Rore-ster.

Back in the Oval Office, the Doctor is advising the president to record everything that happens. -chuckle-

And when Nixon asks what exactly he did to the space shuttle, the Doctor just says to trust him. It was a very clever thing.

Pretty soon, River and Rory emerge from the TARDIS to drag the Doctor off on a rescue mission where Del is attempting to blow the lock off this metal door with his hand gun.

The Doctor arrives just in time to use the less explody screwdriver method.

They all run in to see if Amy's okay. They can still hear her after all. The little girl, meanwhile, has escaped the spacesuit somehow, and is looking terribly frightened.

Amy is nowhere to be found, but they can still hear her voice, and she sounds terrified. She doesn't know where she is and she can't see anything in the dark.

Seriously, that look is totally workin' for you, Rory.

We find that Amy's disembodied voice is coming from her implant device. Somehow it is still recording her even though it is no longer attached to her. I don't know how this works, but let's just go with it.

The Doctor gets all freaked out and solemn about this turn of events as he explains that it's not a recording...this is Liiive. It could be sadder...she could be not alive.

Rory tries to talk to her through it, but the Doctor explains that it doesn't work that way. It's one way only.

Yeah, but listen here, Doctor. Rory is the one who does the explainin', okay? He says that Amy can always hear him wherever she is, and she'll always know that he's coming for her.

...and it's just about the sweetest most perfect thing a guy has ever said.

And then Amy calls out for the Doctor, putting an abrupt end to that business.

Rory tells the Amy voice that he will bring the Doctor to her, then he kisses the little implant and then my heart explodes.

Meanwhile, Renfrew doesn't know what the hell is going on. He summons everybody to the office where he thinks someone has been shot.

It's the creepy that Dell shot. When the Doctor asks it what it is we finally get a name to the face.

The are called Silents.

We get a flashback of all the times that the Silents were mentioned in season five.

Back in Area 51, the Americans still have guns, and they're pointing them at the dwarf star prison block.

Del emerges and the soldier is Oh so very confused about what the hell he's been doing in there for days and days.

Del never minds the guy and asks for Doctor Sheppard, but he's a soldier and he only wants to answer to his commanding officer, Colonel Jefferson. Del has a better idea.

Somehow, the POTUS has emerged from the box. I guess nobody is going to question how in the hell this is possible, because they all salute him like this is normal.

Meanwhile, we've hit the two minute warning for the shuttle launch, and the Doctor and Co. are back at the warehouse tinkering with the Spacesuit.

River's got an EMF reader...I told you it was ghosts.

Hehe, the important thing is that this suit is an exoskeleton with life support and ton of alien tech in it. If you wear it you don't even have to eat or anything.

It can even hack into the telephone network! Which is how the girl was calling up Nixon...the suit dials up the man in charge by default.

The Doctor and River are bantering back and forth. He's still trying to figure out who sent them on this mission and she's telling him that she can't give out any spoilers.

they're trying to figure out who this girl is and why the Silents were raising her. River notes that she must be strong because she managed to claw her way out of this suit.

We come to the conclusion that the silents are some kind of "Super Parasites" Convincing the human race to build the things that they need and...go to the moon and stuff...just because the Silents needed a suit.

back in the box, Sheppard is in awe over the Silent.

Del says "It's just an alien" all cool like this is the kind of thing you see every day, and Sheppard notes that someone has been treating it.

He has, as it turns out. It's just been memory wiping him whenever he leaves.

The Silent is in the corner jabbering after the Doc. leaves, and Del whips out his pink video phone (Whatever that is.) so he can make a video of it as it tells him that the human race shouldn't be helping the Silents...they should be murdering them on sight.

Poor choice of words, Silent.

Meanwhile the Spacesuit is twitching and repairing itself, and River hypothesizes that maybe the spacesuit can move on its own, and maybe it DID eat the little girl. The Doctor ponders the possibilities.

Meanwhile, Amy is making I love you confessions to somebody. She's leaving it ambiguous for the time being.

Rory thinks it's the Doctor that she loves, because of her allusions to his "Stupid Face" and Dropping out of the Sky.

The Doctor tries to cheer Rory up by telling him that they probably won't kill her because there's no point in a dead hostage.

That isn't helping.

The Doctor says he could easily find her but then what? What to do with the Silents when they find them? the Human race is their empire, and he compares it to kicking the Romans out of Rome.

Rory reminds him that Rome fell.

The Doctor knows. He was there!

So was Rory.

The Doctor has a personal question, which Rory thinks is a strange and unexpected turn of events. Here it is though.

He wants to know if Rory remembers any of his time waiting for Amy for 2,000 years.

Rory tries to lie his way out of it, but the Doctor knows. He does remember, just not all the time. He compares it to a door in his head that he can't keep shut.

Well, the moon landing is imminent, and the Prez is hanging out in the Oval Office having a watch party.

Pete is there! Hey, Pete!

Amy is strapped down somewhere and surrounded by a bunch of Silents. They call her by name, and she calls them ugly.

They say that she will bring the Silents and then her part will be over, which is ominous to say the least.

But hey, look where they are... They are right under the Doctor's feet. Has she been right under their noses the whole time?

The Silent tells her to go to sleep and gets all up in her personal space.

The Doctor arrives just in time! He emerges from the TARDIS into the all too familiar looking control panel.

The Doctor is waltzing around like he's got the Silent's number. He's brought along his TV...with some awesome reception...down into the underground so they can all have a watch party too!

He explains about River's marksmanship. She doesn't mind shooting things, and will get at least the first five that try to take them on.

She says Seven.

Flirty Banter!

Amy wonders if this is really important flirting. Maybe she should be higher up on the list.

Rory goes to release Amy from her bonds and she asks about the plan. Alas, that is one thing that Rory can't explain.

The Doctor demands their total surrender and in return he'll let them go Scott Free, back to wherever they came from.

Psych. He's not going to let them go that easily. The Silents refuse to answer when he questions them about the girl.

The Doctor gives them a history lesson about the Human race and how we spread ourselves across the galaxy for billions of years like a pesky fungus that will not die...and through all that time, we'll still be looking back on this footage of the moon landing from 1969 at least once in our lives at some point.

Every single one of us, and we'll never forget.

Then he's on the phone to Del in the Box

Who then relays the footage from the video phone to the receiver the Doctor planted in the space shuttle, which then broadcasts the Silent saying "You should kill us all on sight."

This part we all forgot, but we'll still hang on to that suggestion.

The Silents do not like this one bit, now that we've become some kind of less than passive threat to them.

A bunch of dudes see this one in the bar...watch out, Silent!

Over in the Oval Office, Pete takes one down! Get 'em, Pete!

Well, now that the Silents are well pissed off and on the run from the human race... the ones down here decided they need to zap everybody in sight.

So, now the good guys have to do the running. River shoots as many as she can and the Doctor kind of Sonics at them, but I'm not sure that's actually doing anything besides causing some electronics to blow.

Over here, Rory is still working on getting Amy out of that contraption, and she's attempting to be selfless by telling him to go save his own stupid face.

This stops him cold, because he realizes that maybe he's the one with the Stupid Face who's love she was professing earlier.

River wants to know exactly what the Doctor is attempting to accomplish in this firefight.

He says helping.. She tells him to go build a cabinet with that darn screwdriver of his.

No, River. It doesn't work on wood.

River has managed to take out every last one of the Silents in this room.

Rory wants to know what the hell kind of Doctor can handle a gun so well. She explains that she's an archeologist, and she "Loves a Tomb."

Once they're inside, Rory is going on about Amy calling his face stupid, and reveals that he'd been listening in.

Now that that misunderstanding is all cleared up for the moment!

Later, Nixon is congratulating the Doctor on a job well done, while the Doctor is planting the ideas of all the future invasions and dangerous danger the Earth has in store.

Til the Next one, the Doctor says to Del.

I will take this to mean there will be a next one. Let there be a next one! I quite enjoyed the TARDIS five these past couple of weeks!

The Doctor puts in a good word for Del and his marriage situation, and Nixon is all smiles...sure that he can arrange something.

Nixon pulls him off to the side, and expresses disbelief that the Doctor is a time traveler...even though he has traveled around in the Bigger on the Inside box himself from place to place...

In any case he wants to know the future, but the Doctor's not revealing any spoiler. He'll have to settle for knowing if he'll be remembered. The Doctor tells him that he won't ever be forgotten, and say hello to David Frost.

Del and Nixon watch the Doctor take off, and Nixon asks if he person Del wants to marry is black, something that still wasn't very accepted at this time in history. Del says yes, and the Prez acts like he's all down with that and more liberal than you might think.

Clarification: Yes HE is. So, Nixon throws on the brakes real fast, he's not that liberal. He thinks the moon landing is enough progress for one...for several ongoing decades to this very day, except for a handful of places.

Boo! The Doctor needs to take Del with him next time and drop him off in a future where he can have all the interracial gay marriages that he wants!

Later, the Doctor is dropping River off at prison. He offers to let her travel with him, but she's alright where she is. She can escape whenever she wants anyways, also she has a promise to live up to.

The Doctor attempts to leave, but River thinks he forgot something. When he goes back to her, she kisses him.

He's very confused by this turn of events.

It seems as if this is HIS first kiss with River. Things get awkward really fast as she starts to get this devastated look on her face and he glances at his watch, eager to escape.

There's a first time for everything he says.

And a last, because this is the last time SHE will ever kiss him in their mixed up time line, or at least she thinks so anyway.

Inside, the Doctor asks after Amy once he sends Rory off to go fetch some thermocouplings so they can be alone.

She says she's okay, but still a little fuzzy on the memories at the orphanage. We flash back to the picture of her and the baby, and all the Silents she saw on the ceiling, and the little girl in the spacesuit.

Oh, forget about that stuff. That's all Silents business, easily enough explained. What about the whole pregnant thing? He wants to know why she told him.

she says that he's her best friend.

But what about Rory? she hasn't told him.

Oh, wait. Yes she did. Rory is still holding on to her hand implant and he's heard every word of this conversation.

As for the why of the situation...she didn't want to tell Rory that the baby might have been affected by the time travel and adventurin'. What if it came out with a Time-Head.

time Head? That's silly! What is that?

Rory reveals himself from the shadows, and Amy threatens to take away that pesky little device if he's going to keep eavesdropping on her.

He thinks he should have at least told him that she suspected, because he's a nurse and good with pregnancies.

Amy tells him he's not that good with them. Hah. Hah! and Runs over for a hug.

So what will it be? The Doctor asks as he swings over his screen. More Adventurin' or trying to figure out who this mysterious little girl is.

It turns out he's pulled up a pregnancy scan on the handy dandy screen. Amy is both pregnant and not pregnant.

The logical conclusion is that she's pregnant with Schrodinger's baby. What is this about? Some kind of quantum pregnancy? Excuse me while I go read up on my Many Worlds theory while listening to the Eels.

Six Months later in NYC, a bum is hanging out in a back alley filling his pram with things.

It's the little girl! she's made it all the way from Florida and is now dying, but she reassures the bum that it's all going to be okay, because she can fix it.

She starts to glow.

BAM! REGENERATION!

What in the? Who? How? When? ??????

My only theory is the Theory of Many Question Marks.

Next time: Pirates! Thank goodness!

Ethereal Beings.

And Black Spots.

Welcome back, folks! I'm still playing catch-up, but here: have a spanking new episode anyway.

We open the new season upon this fancy shoed fellow bellowing for the Doctor. And where is our Doctor these days?

Well, he's posing for semi-nude portraits is where he's at.

This bewigged gentleman and his musketeers finally barge their way in through the locked door.

Doctor? Doctor Who? This lady has no idea who you are talking about!

Unfortunately the Doctor sneezes and finds himself in a rather compromising position. Oops!

Meanwhile, in present day... Leadworth, I'm assuming, Amy is reading up on her history to catch little mentions of the Doctor whilst Rory unpacks the groceries.

He seems to think this unnamed Doctor fellow, who was locked up in the Tower of London couldn't be their Doctor. Surely there are zillions of unnamed Doctor's roaming around through history causing all sorts of shenanigans.

Until they read of his escape that is...In some kind of balloon-esque contraption. Their Doctor is the MacGuyver of all Doctors after all. (More like MacGuyver is the Doctor of MacGuyvers, actually.)

That's not the only trouble he's getting in those days. Here is making his great escape.

Amy thinks he's just screwing with them with his zany antics, while Rory just giggles to Laurel an Hardy... a form of comedy that Amy apparently just doesn't get. The doorbell rings and she's outta there.

Hey! It's my favorite extra: This Guy! I'm glad to see that he's still alive and delivering the mail. Not Rain, nor sleet, nor wind, nor snow, nor Alien Infested septuagenarians can keep him down!

Rory thinks the Doctor out there trying to attract their attention through history books is totally silly. He might want to rethink that.

So, we learn some important things here as Amy absent-mindedly opens up her letter marked "3". First of all, she knows the Doctor is up to something, and second of all it's been two months since they've last seen the Doctor, almost crashed on a space-cruise, and encountered even more impossibly breathing/flying space fishies.

It seems to be an invitation of sorts, in our favorite TARDIS blue color. There's no name, but they can guess who it's from.

Meanwhile, in the Stormcage (Let us recap: this is supposed to be some kind of prison), River Song receives her own invitation.

The alarms sound, and this guard gets on the phone to the powers that be to inform them that River is packing. This is worrisome apparently...y'know since this is a prison and she's not supposed to go anywhere, right? That's what prisons are for?

She's tells him that she's heading off to the Planet of America. I'm sure some people in the US would like to think that.

Later we find that Rory and Amy have hitch-hiked their way to the middle of nowhere Utah. I'm going to assume right now, because this really doesn't look like Northern California at all.

There are probably even more San Juan School Districts around the country though. The important thing to note though is: Why in the hills of the Western United States is a school bus picking up hitch hikers?

It's the Doctor! YeeeHaw!

Hugs for all! We get reminded that Rory was a Roman for quite a few years and Rory compliments his hat.

Stetsons are cool now. I think I'll have to agree that it's probably cooler than a fez and a bow tie combined.

River begs to differ as she shoots it right off his head.

Over at this diner...River and the Doctor sync their diaries. I'm not even going to pretend that I understand their chronology. Most of the time I just nod my head and go with it.

Amy asks the Doctor what is up and he gets all serious for a moment and tells them that he's been running.

And now it's time to stop.

Well, if that isn't ominous...

He's gathered them all together to have a pick-nick and go hang out in outer space: 1969

Later, everybody is chillin' by a lake. Rory wants to hit up 1969...

Meanwhile the Doctor attempts to get his drink on, much to Amy's bemusement. He thinks he's old enough to have gotten his wine on by now.

This from a man who doesn't even like buttered toast.

He ends up spitting it onto the ground as he is wont to do with unsavory food and drink items.

Amy notes just how much he's aged in the past two months. The Doctor notes that she's packed on some poundage.

*Ouch!*

Did you guys feel that? You just got double smacked with the foreshadowing stick.

Amy spots this creep show up on the hill.

she wonders what it is and the Doctor gives her this look of worry.

Then she immediately denies that she saw anything. What is up with that?

Time for a subject change! Check it out! It's a day-moon!

For those of you that need expositionioning: 69 wasn't just the year Bryan Adams got his first real 6-string and played it 'til his fingers bled.

No. Also, some dudes landed on the moon.

Thanks, Rory!

Oh, wait! There's more. A lot more went down than ANYBODY REMEMBERS.

Then he looks wistful and reminisces about the human race and how he never thought he'd get done saving them. DONE saving them?

Uh, guys? That's not normal happy go lucky pick-nick talk there.

An old man drives up in the distance and the Doctor gives him a wave.

But let us for a moment forget that old man on the hill. There's something far more interesting lurking in the water.

The Doctor warns them to stay back and not interfere. Obviously, shit is about to go down.

Rory is the exposition fairy tonight. It's an Apollo astronaut in the lake. Yes indeed. We all have eyeballs.

There some march to death music playing in the background as the Doctor goes to face his fate.

As the gang watches on...the astronaut shoots him with some kind of green laser. First thought: That can't really be deadly, right?

Rory and River naturally have to hold Amy back, because she's not going to listen to the Doctor's orders.

They watch in horror as the Doctor whispers an "I'm Sorry" at them and begins his regeneration cycle.

Second thought: How did I not hear about this? I have been a terrible spoiler hound!

But before he can finish, the astronaut shoots him again. Nobody's holding anybody back this time. They rush to the Doctor's side.

Amy looks to River as she does a body scan, but the look on her face kind of says it all. She attempts to shoot the astronaut, but it's a no-go.

The Mysterious man on the hill arrives bearing a gas can and confirmation that this is really the Doctor and he really is dead...and apparently he wants them to burn the body. Can't leave the body of a Time Lord lying around for anybody to get hold of.

Amy, of course, doesn't want to believe any of this is happening.

she wants to know what they're going to do. River takes up the gas can, and Rory points out a conveniently placed boat, so they can float the funeral pyre out onto the lake.

They are going to obey the Doctor's final wishes.

Later... Sadness all around.

So, why is this random old dude here anyway? He too got his orders.

This is Canton E. Delaware III. He is meeting everybody for the Last time for and the first time.

Off he goes into the sunset as River has a brainstorm. There were four numbered envelopes...so who was the fourth?

They go back to the diner, with River still explaining the envelope thing. She and Rory are all revved up to figure out the mystery, while Amy is all:

Woe is me! The Doctor is gone. Nothing else matters in the world.

meanwhile, Rory spots something.

It's the #1 envelope! Rory queries the cook, but he has no idea. It was just "Some Guy."

So, who would be the number one choice for the Doctor to contact when going to death?

OF COURSE he is.

River gives him a stern admonishment, and Amy stalks around him in disbelief. She wonders how he can be okay.

He's the King of Okay, apparently. He gives Amy a reassuring, and decided that the King of Okay is a terrible title.

Rory the Roman is much better. Not much better is Rory's ability to hide his WTF? faces.

He goes to greet River and she slaps him in the face.

Oh, Rory, you adorable, confused being.

Hey, remember that foreshadowing beat down from earlier? Amy consults River's expertise on matters of the wibbly-wobblies that appear to be happening right now, and River tells her to ask the Doctor's age. Therein lies the answer.

Amy is non-responsive, so River asks. He's only 909 now. Younger than he was the last time we saw him a few hours ago.

Also, Rory's face.

River and the Doctor's diaries aren't matching up as well as they did before, and Amy wails about how she doesn't understand... Which leads us to another episode of Rory Explains it All.

Also, the Doctor's face.

Well, before Rory gets to the meat of the issue, the Younger Doctor breaks in to demand an explanation for what they're all doing there.

River explains that they have to get to space 1969. Something to do with Canton Everett Delaware III. They've all been summoned by persons unknown for a mission. She gives Rory and Amy the 'follow my lead' glare.

Rory nods. He can roll with it.

Recruited by who? Hmm. How is River going to explain this one?

She only gives one clue. It's someone he trusts over everybody else in the universe, anything else is spoilers.

Elvis agrees.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor yammers on about how easy '69 is, while a Distracted Amy and River disappear. This leaves the Doctor to wonder what everybody is being so damn solemn all of a sudden. Are they mad at him?

Yeah. He knows something is going on that they're not telling him about.

Down in the TARDIS drip tray, River is explaining to Amy how the Dead Doctor is an older version of this Younger more clueless version.

Amy is still dealing with thoughts of mortality and disbelief, while River reminds her that we're all going to die sometime.

Rory has artfully dodged the Doctor's questions and has come to join them. He reminds River that even if we die, we don't go around arranging our own funerals, and inviting our closest friends to watch us kick it in person.

Rory reasons that the Old Doctor must have had a reason for recruiting them all and sending them to '69 or else what the hell was the point? To traumatize the crap out of them all?

Rory thinks: Vengeance! River thinks: not his style.

Amy thinks: To Save himself! Rory thinks: not his style.

Amy thinks they ought to just tell him. River puts her foot down on that. They can't even let him know that they've seen his older self.

Amy tries to reason away the terrible, universe exploding possibilities of the Doctor interacting with his own past...he'd done it before after all.

Rory reminds her that there were explosions when last that happened.

The Doctor pops in to tell them all to get the hell upstairs and watch him be awesome already.

Amy's all desperate to put an end to the Doctor's future death that already happened, she wants to know how the other two can be so okay with it.

River says she's not afraid of anybody's death. Not even her future death which has already happened.

She's got something even worse than that on the way.

Well, back at the console, the Doctor has entered in the appropriate info for a bumpity wumpity ride through time to: April, Washington DC. That is the target destination for Canton E. Delaware III and 1969.

They haven't laded there yet, though, because the Doctor thinks he's sending everybody home.

Rory and Amy: Off to make babies. *Whack*
River: Back to Prison

This is one mission that he wants to bypass too. Anywhere but Washington.

They all crowd around like he's lost his mind, but the Doctor is a pretty savvy guy. He's not just going to go on some random mission for some mysterious guy with three co-conspirators that aren't telling him anything.

River wants him to trust them. Thing is, he doesn't like playing games, and he's not going to play this one.

He has no intentions of Trusting this woman who is in prison for murder and won't tell him who she is.

Who did she kill anyways?

Amy, although she clearly was against the idea, tells the Doctor that if he can't trust River then he can trust her. She swears on fish fingers and custard that this is just something that he has to do.

So, Canton Ever... Okay, we are just going to have to shorten this guys name.

Let's call him Del.

So, back in 1969, presumably, because he's looking very much younger than the last time we saw him:

Del is drowning his sorrows in some bar, looking depressed and coming off a bit resentful when he's accosted by some shading looking government fellows.

His boss sent them, but Del has no boss anymore. I'm guessing he got canned.

Oh, but it's the president of the United States who has summoned him. How are you going to refuse that?

Meanwhile in the future, River and the Doctor read Del's bio. He got kicked out of the FBI. Why?

Bad-Assery, I presume. (aka: Problems with authority)

6-weeks later... Nixon needs a guy; A guy with FBI training with no contacts to the FBI.

Del, here was his second choice.

And Del tells the POTUS right to his ears, that he was HIS second choice for president. Also, he calls Nixon "MR" instead of using the Honorific.

The Balls on this Guy!

Quick recap of Nixon's tenure: Vietnam...Watergate: the scandal that brought us the "Gate" suffix for all scandals ever whether they have anything to do with gates.

River Some Good Stuff too!

The Doctor: Not enough.

What is so horrifying that the POTUS needs to hire a proffesional bad-boy?

Prank phone calls! Huh?

Del gets right down to brass tacks: Man or Woman?

It's neither. What the hell is it then? Screaming aliens, right?

Let's find out, naturally, Nixon has recorded the message:

Cut to the TARDIS! Where the Doctor is trying and failing to put it in Silent mode, and River is pretending that she's not going along behind him doing in the proper way.

Amy remains impassive at River and the Doctor's cutesy exchanges, while Rory and River make eyebrows at at each other.

Before everybody can venture outside to have a look, the Doctor tells them that they're going to take it slow. They stay behind while he take a step out into Washing DC.

Wow, the TARDIS was surprisingly accurate in locating Del. The Doctor stumbles right into the playback of the President's creepy late night phone calls.

It's a little girl, who is frightened of some spacemen! Well, Nixon seems to think it's a boy. Why? Because it gives the names: Jefferson Adams Hamilton.

The Doctor scribbles down the names.

Del seems to think that this job isn't quite the match for his skill-set, but the President doesn't want to consult the FBI because they might be involved. The calls happen no matter where he is.

Finally, the President turns away from the windows, with a look of shock and dismay at the Doctor. This prompts Del to jump out of his chair too.

the Doctor's attempts at a stealth exit are thwarted by this lamp.

Then he runs into the Stealth!TARDIS. Watch, out Doctor! There's a Del behind you. I have no doubts that he will kick your ass.

See.

River gets the scanner to work and is greeted by the image of the Doctor being taken down by Del and the Secret Service. (Also, my New Band Name)

River turns the TARDIS visible again.

The President's all: What in the hell?

Right, so...the Doctor gets up from the ground, somehow finds himself babbling about how they have all the info they need on that mysterious tape from behind the President's desk.

Despite the fact that the Secret Service dudes have let him...unknown, sit behind the President's desk, they now have all their guns pointed at him.

The Doctor gets his swagger on and brags on his Stealth TARDIS parking skillz. Are they really going to shoot a man who broke into the White House?

At this point River busts out of the TARDIS followed by Rory and Amy proclaiming "They're American"

Which I can only assume is shorthand for: "Shut-Up, Doctor. They're American! Of course they will shoot your ass for breaking into the White House. Don't tempt them."

Nixon demands to know who these people are and what is that big blue box.

A Police Box. Duh.

He claims to be an agent on loan from Scotland Yard, then introduced his team:

The Legs, The Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.

Hehe.

The Doctor has shortened Del's name to Canton Three, but I'm sticking with Del.

Also, he was right about the Caller being a girl, and he has pinpointed the exact location of the call.

Del and the Doctor are getting along fabulously and bantering about the TARDIS.

Agent hard-ass over here is screaming "Do NOT ENGAGE" at everybody.

"CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER!" yells Agent Hard-ass

While, Del is all amused and perfectly willing to give the Doctor the five minutes he asks for.

He has impeccable reasoning too:

Who are you going to listen to? The Guy who walked past security with a big blue box and all his friends, or the Dude that let him in.

Hey! It's Peterson! We know this now because the President just told him to Shut-Up.

I'd watch out if I were you, Pete. Supporting dudes with names don't often last long in the Whoniverse.

Alright, on with the show! The Doctor asks for a bunch of things including a wink and a nod to Jammy Dodgers and Fezzes. Apparently this Doctor hasn't reached his Stetson phase yet.

All he gets is a bunch of maps of Florida, because that's where the Spacemen live.

so, these spacemen are probably like the ones they saw at the lake. River and Amy agree that this is the most likely explanation.

Amy spots another one of these guys in the corridor! She has a sudden flashback and remembers the one she saw at the lake.

Rory pops directly into her line of vision and just as suddenly she doesn't remember what she saw anymore.

Amy's feeling a little bit ill now *whack* and has to find a toilet. Pete isn't going to let her go, because he's all down with the protocol. Luckily Del is there to tell him to shut-up and take her to the bathroom.

Obviously, Pete doesn't like being bossed around by an FBI washout. At least he's not going to let Rory follow after her. He's got to be in charge of something after all.

Meanwhile, in more presidential areas of the room, the Doctor's time is up.

He demands a Fez. Fezzes are cool.

She walks into the restroom and....Eeee! Somehow Amy manages only a gasp of surprise instead of screams of terror.

She wonders how she could have forgotten such mouthless horror. She tries to talk to it, but it's not talking.

This woman emerges from a stall and screams then...laughs. That is not an appropriate response!

Well...she thinks it's a mask. It's not a mask, Whoniverse. It's NEVER a mask.

She turns around and...doesn't seem to remember. When she sees it again it is confirmed that she just forgot, because she repeats the same *Scream*Giggle*Mask! performance from merely a few seconds before.

We get it now, right?

Then the lights start to flicker.

And then this happens. Eventually the poor staffer explodes into papery bits.

Just in case you were not getting it:

You can only remember it while you're looking at it. Amy takes a snap with her phone so she can remember.

Amy asks why it had to kill the lady, and it answers with one word:

JOY?

Did that thing just say Joy? It's official. I'm creeped out.

Her Name was Joy, it says.

Okay...I don't know if that's more or less creepy. It also happens to know that Amy's name is Amelia. It tells her that she must tell the Doctor what he must know and what he must never know.

Amy seems to know what the hell it's talking about, which is a step above where I am right now.

I assume he's talking about the events at the lake.

Amy runs out of the restroom all aflutter, but she can't remember. The only thing she can remember is that she has to tell the Doctor something.

The Secret Service guy is just weirded out by her phone. I have to say I totally forgot it was 1969 and I was wondering why this adult man was so damn confused by a cell phone.

Duh, self!

Back in the Oval Office, the Doctor has found the only place in America the call could be coming from as the phone begins to ring anew. Del proclaims the Doctor a genius and tells the President, who is standing off to the side wondering what to do, that he should answer the phone.

It's the little girl again. She's calling to tell them that the spaceman has arrived and it's going to get her.

They're away to Florida! In a roundabout way, the Doctor has invited Del along with him on this adventure.

And the President assures this "Jefferson" kid that help is on the way.

Meanwhile, in the TARDIS, Del is in awe (It's bigger on the inside, don't you know.) and the Doctor is babbling about two of the Founding Fathers Fancying him.

Rory wonders why it's always his turn to explain the TARDIS to newbies. Amy explains that it's because he's the newest.

If I recall, he's also been one of the companions least impressed by the TARDIS's inner dimensions.

While they were in the TARIDS, the Doctor was doing a lot of explaining about the assumptions made about what the little girl was trying to explain.

I'll just let this cap do all the talking though.

the Doctor and River: Engage flirty banter.

Poor Del is all bamboozled when they stumble out of the TARDIS in an entirely different location. It seems Rory can't explain Space-Time travel fast enough. Del gets the idea soon enough, though.

"How Long have Scotland Yard had this?"

Quoted for posterity!

Let us recap the recap:

They are in an abandoned warehouse where the phones have been cut off. How did the girl call?

Also, it's almost certainly a trap, so watch your backs guys.

Spaceman lurking.

What is going on here? Why is this little girl in a disused warehouse with alien tech?

And contemporary space equipment, presumably stolen.

Amy and River are over here inspecting the creepy table of alien doom and conspiring on whether or not they should attempt to neutralize the spaceman before he gets a chance to kill the Doctor in the future.

River says that's impossible. It has all the makings of a paradox. (If they never see the Doctor killed in the future, they have no reason to come to the past and stop it from happening.)

River finds a man hole cover (alien hole cover?) leading to some tunnels. No life signs are showing up on her scanner.

River heads on down to check things out. She thinks staying safe is BO-RING.

Del wants to know what's going on.

The Doctor seems to think he's interested in his and River's flirty "Spoiler" banter, but Rory steps in to translate:

He's asking about the aliens, dude.

The alien tubes lead down to a trio of creepy aliens Vogueing.

The One in the suit is there too!

Upstairs, Del is wondering if he's really imagining all this crap in a haze of extreme drunkenness, since the last thing he remembers before being whisked away into this insanity was having a drink at a bar.

Amy assures him that this is real.

River rushes out of the hole and as soon as she pops up she's forgotten why she was rushing out of the hole.

She says that there was nothing down there, but despite that fact...she's going back down there.

The Doctor thinks this is stupid and dangerous. River's middle names!

She tells Amy to look after him while she's gone.

The Doctor asks if Rory wouldn't mind accompanying the crazy lady with a death wish.

He minds.

He'll do it for the Doctor though. Down the hole, River is feeling ill now too...
Hmmmm, but they forge onward!

River's readings show that the tunnels are old. She thinks it's weird that nobody noticed them before. (how does she know that?)

We'll just go with it.

They find a "Maintenance Hatch"

It's locked, and River wonders why people are always locking things. Rory wants to know what's behind the door, as if River has any more info than he does.

He just wants to do the sensible thing, scout the area, head back to the safety of his bench in Leadworth.

River wants to do whatever the most exciting thing is, and that includes unlocking mysterious doors of mystery in deep dark, very old, tunnels.

While River cracks the safe, Rory makes small talk. He wants to know about her worst day ever. The day that's worse than death.

Well, they are traveling in opposite directions you see. When she first met him, he knew everything about her and she knew nothing about him.

She's dreading the day when she knows all there is to know about him, and he has never met her before. That will be the last day she ever sees the Doctor.

She ends her story just as the door unlocks.

The enter into some kind of control room and set off an alarm.

Rory goes to check and see if there's anything coming. There is, but he forgets as soon as he turns his back.

Seeing as there's no imminent danger, according to Rory's swiss-cheesed memory, River accesses the panel and discovers that the tunnels are centuries old and they run throughout the entire Earth!

outside the room, lights flash... River turns and calls out Rory's name. Oh, C'mon! They can't kill Rory for a third time!

Upstairs, Amy, being Amy, wants to know all about Del and his 'tude problems that got him kicked out of the FBI.

No 'tude problems here. That's just what the Feds wanted his official record to say, I guess. The guy just wanted to get married...

Amy's all flippant when she says "Is that a crime?"

But, It is for him apparently. Yeah. Sadface :(

Moving away from that sore subject...Del wants to know who exactly the Doctor is. Classified. By Whom? Amy doesn't know. She doesn't know that much about him really, only that he's a friend...perhaps.

She remembers that she had something to tell him, but "Stuff" gets in the way.

Del stares wistfully at this widget and says that "stuff" has a way of doing that.

Before we can discover the "Stuff" of Del's back story, we hear the little girl calling, which has everybody at attention.

Before the Doctor can rush to the little girl's aid, Amy has some cramps, and pulls the Doctor aside for her important "Stuff". At this point I'm just assuming it has to do with the the future's events.

The Doctor doesn't listen to her. Instead he drags her over to the dangerous danger, where Del has been knocked unconscious. He proceeds to shush her as she's trying to reveal her "Stuff".

"I'm Pregnant"

Whoa. For realsies this time? Really?

Good timing, Spaceman.

The astronaut reaches out and...

It's the little girl in the suit.

Amy grabs Del's gun, declaring that she's doing it to save the Doctor's life when he screams at her, and fires at the... whatever the heck is going on with the Spaceman suit little girl deal.

Naturally the Doctor is horrified by this turn of events.

CLIFFHANGER! Dun. Dun. Dun.

Next time:

Next time Previews! Taking the wind out of the cliffhanger's sails since the invention of TV.

The Doctor needs a shave.

And More of these guys!

So, what adventure has Amy chosen to go on next? Wales! It's future Wales,

but it's Wales nonetheless, and we open upon this scenic vista of this valley

and...some kind of industrial looking area.

A father is teaching his son how to read. The son is not too keen on this
reading biz when he can just listen to the audio version on his headphones.

Mom comes to remind dad aka: MO that he's late for work. There's some more
father and son bonding...and please don't let any of these people die!

Mo bikes it on over to the industrial place where we meet up with these
two...Mac and Nasreen. It turns out that this place is a drill site.

They reach their target drilling depth and there's hugs all around.
Apparently...they have drilled further than anyone has ever drilled before.

Mo comes to take over for the night shift, and as he sits there reading the
"Gruffalo" (The book he was reading with his son earlier)...we cut to a shot of
the vibrating cup of foreshadowing in the foreground, because the primary source
of motion detection in the human world are vibrating cups.

It seems as though the drill has become stuck, and now the CCTV is on the
fritz! I sense certain doom is approaching.

Mo is going to go check it out. It's his job, of course, but it's also the
first thing that happens in every horror flick. It was nice knowing you, Mo.

Uh-oh. It's some sort of steaming hole. Nothing good can come out of a
steaming hole.

In an ill-advised maneuver, Mo reaches down into the hole.

Well, this doesn't seem like it's possible in the real world without causing
some kind of cave in, but...there is a void beyond the hole when Mo Sticks his
hand in the exposed dirt.

Then something grabs his hand and yanks him down.

He manages to free himself only to be grabbed by the ankles and hauled into the
void. Oh, Mo. We hardly knew you.

After the credits roll, we cut to the Doctor and co. He has just landed the
TARDIS in what he thinks is Rio, but is actually a cemetery in Wales. This is
somewhat a disappointment.

The Doctor's interest is piqued by the strangeness of the ground as he pounces
around on it.

Since Amy's first choice of adventure was Rio, she's impatient and whiny about
this stop-over in the graveyard. The Doctor, however, smells a mystery, and
some blue grass.

The Doctor attempts to appease her by pointing out that he didn't overshoot
their destination by THAT much, but Amy is distracted by a couple of people on a
hill waving at them.

The Doctor whips out his binoculars to find that the strangers on the hill are
Rory and Amy!

Amy is tickled. Rory is confused.

She is also surprised that she's still with Rory in ten years. He makes rolly
eyes at her, and then she wants to go and say hi to her future self.

The Doctor warns against that, because, if you've ever seen a time travel
movie, that's usually never a good idea.

The Doctor instead attempts to distract them by the mining rig. He declares it
better than Rio. Amy wants nothing to do with it, but...it's a mining rig!
That's way too tempting to pass up, right?

As the Doctor bounds away, Rory holds Amy aside and wonders how they're ever
going to get home if the Doctor can't even get them to South America. Amy is
unconcerned, because it always works out in the end.

That's not Rory's only concern. He wonders, not only if they can get back,
but how can they go back to that mundane life after all this adventurin'?

Amy, not one for talk, decides they should go after the Doctor before they
lose him.

But wait! Not before he makes Amy take off her engagement ring. He doesn't
want her to lose it.

Back at the Chasm of Doom, Nasreen is trying to figure out what is up with
that? Mac arrives and helpfully recaps that the Drill has stopped and Mo has
disappeared and now there is a mysterious hole in the ground.

Back in the TARDIS, Rory puts the ring back in its box and places it carefully
on the TARDIS console as he smiles fondly at it.

This is just a small, seemingly random cut scene. I think we should probably
remember it. *winkity*wink*

As soon as Rory exits he meets up with Ambrose here, who is the kid from
earlier's Mum. He is there too and he's marveling at the TARDIS. We learn that
the kid's name is Elliot.

They seem to think Rory is some kind of plainclothes law enforcement.

He decides to just go with it. Way to step out of your comfort zone, Rory!
He didn't need any psychic paper either.

Back with the Doctor and Amy. They have been met with a gate, but the sonic
screwdriver has never met a gate that it couldn't crash.

Amy barrels on ahead, while the Doctor wonders about Rory.

Over in Rory-ville. Ambrose is telling us her family history, but Elliot is
getting impatient and tells her to just get to the point.

Well, it turns out that there's bodies missing in these graves, yet the surface
had remained undisturbed.

How is this possible? Alas, Rory has no idea.

Back at the drilling station, the Doctor is rambling on about how weird the
ground is and Amy still doesn't know what he's talking about and is bored by the
entire process.

The drilling, the tasty blue grass? It all ties together somehow! The Doctor is sure of it.

Nasreen here is understandably surprised to find strangers stumbling into this
restricted area. She is unimpressed with the Doctor's and Amy's duds. Amy is
still using Rio as an excuse for her impressively sort shorts.

Nasreen doesn't really believe him when he psychic papers her concern away,
but he has a look at the readouts on the drilling anyway. When he questions
what she's doing she tells him that it's none of his business, and the readings
are coming from under the soil.

Introduction followed by whine.

Everybody convenes on the computer readouts as the Doctor warns them to run!
Something is moving down there!

The Earth it seems, is shifting beneath them, and it's not an earthquake,
because the movement is localized. What to do?! What could it be?!

More holes open up as they're trying to figure it out. Now is the time to
run! Alas, Mac trips in a hole... This is so distressing to Nasreen that his
name turns into Tony. I swear, his name was Mac before.

Amy turns back to help and...

Slips in her own hole!

The Doctor to the rescue.

Mac and Nasreen attempt to shut down the drill per the Doctor's orders.
Presumably this will calm down the attacking Earth.

Amy slips further into the hole.

This is some super intensive drill shutting down action. How fast is that
thing going?

Amy wants to know what the hell has got her and what's going on, because she
doesn't want to drown in dirt.

The Doctor doesn't know and he doesn't want her to give up, but she's sinking
further and further away from him.

And she is gone.

Guess, what? This isn't the sad part of this arch.

The Doctor attempts to sonic his way out of the situation, but that's not
helping at all.

Nasreen and Mac-Anthony arrive on the scene only to find out that they were too
late.

Meanwhile, Rory's down in his own hole looking bamboozled. As per usual, he's
at a loss.

Even Elliot's query about sugar for the tea his mum is making has got Rory
confused.

Elliot patiently explains his own theory after we learn that Rory doesn't take
sugar in his tea.

Basically what happens in the graves? We just saw that happen to Amy just now.

Rory doesn't really believe this shit.

Elliot quote's Sherlock Holmes at him as proof that his theory is the real
deal. (He's not much of a reader, though...he prefers his audio-books)

The graves eat people.

That is Elliot's final word and that's that. It's enough to give Rory the
shivers... Where he is... Down in this man eating grave.

Back in the holey land of holes, the Doctor, Nasreen and Mac-Anthony are
trying to figure out what in the what is going on.

Are their friends dead?

What's down there playing grabby hands?

It doesn't seem to be quicksand.

The Doctor has his own ridiculous theories. Ridiculous according to Nasreen
anyway. The ground is fighting the drill by eating people?

Pfffft. That makes no sense!

It's Bio-programming! Duh!

Basically, without going into the techno-babbly details: Someone, or
something has programmed the Earth to attack

Clearly channeling disbelief at this idea, especially after the Doctor insults
their puny Earthian brain capabilities, Nasreen questions why anybody/thing
would want to do this.

Nevermind that though. The Doctor seems to think that if they can find whoever
programmed the earth than they will be able to find Amy! Well, that's some good
news.

Nasreen tries to butt in with some thoughts of her own but the Doctor gets
very serious and engages in some hardcore shushing.

He asks for confirmation that they shut the drill down.

He asks if they only have one drill. Nasreen replies to him very slowly as if
he is a child incapable of understanding this complex process.

Well, you see, the thing is... He can still hear drilling, and has not, in
fact, gone mad.

The Doctor sonics in to their computer system to check out their drill hole,
congratulates them on a hole well dug, and wonders why this place was chosen.

It was the blue grass. It contained minerals unseen for millions of
years! Naturally, as humans are wont to do, they decided they needed to figure
it out.

I'm not necessarily sure how digging a super deep hole would accomplish that,
but there it is.

In any case the Doctor tells Nasreen here that it wasn't an invitation. Oh,
no. It was a warning sign.

If blue grass is a warning sign, we should all get the hell out of Kentucky
right now.

In any case, while Nasreen and co. have been taking their journey down to the
center of the Earth...it appears that something has taken the opposite tract.
Here they are now. Three little heat signatures on the way up from a system of
tunnels that the drillers didn't even know where there.

Now they have to run out here with the computers while Nasreen and Mac ask
after answers.

They make it out to a clearing and some red lightning shoots up into the sky.

The Doctor just yells "No!" and then, in the most technologically advanced
way, confirms that they've just been force-fielded in... The only people for
miles are Nasreen, Mac, and his family that we've already met here and there.

Rory and his team arrive on the scene. He's got big, big news! The graves
are eating peo...

The Doctor has even bigger news.

Now that it's established that they're all trapped here... Rory wonders where
Amy is and the Doctor has to deliver the bad news, along with the promise that
he is going to retriever her.

Understandably, Rory is a little upset.

Speaking of Amy, she's alive and... well, she's alive and getting her scan on.

Meanwhile, at the church where everyone is seeking refuge... Ambrose gets the
same news that Rory just did.

Elliot, this perceptive little scamp, knows something bad has happened to his
dad.

Inside, Ambrose recaps the day's events in the bitchiest way possible.

There is something down there and it's taken their loved ones. Now it's on the
way up for a visit.

Basically, Ambrose proceeds to shower skepticism and bitchery upon all who
will listen. Everybody else seems to believe that the Doctor has some answers,
but she thinks he's full of crap.

Elliot here is just going to cut to the chase here and ask point blank if the
Doctor can get his dad back.

After a moment's pause for everybody to turn around and stare at the Doctor
the answer is "Yes". He's got a lot of people counting on him...as per usual.

Ambrose finally caves in and decided she's going to follow the Doctor like
everybody else is.

His plan is to secure the area with security cameras and electronic doo-dads?
We're not supposed to question the Doctor's logic, so there it is.

Elliot's job is to make a map of the camera locations. We learn that he is
dyslexic, which is why he's been having trouble with reading. The Doctor cheers
him up though and he's off to make his maps.

The Doctor's peeping in the meals on wheels van for resources when Ambrose
pops by with some resources of her own.

Including guns (Of the staple and Shot variety) and, of course, the premiere
weapon of the Whoniverse...

CRICKET BAT.

Guns and cricket bat? Soooomebody isn't going to like this one little bit,
is he?

Nope. That's not the way he rolls, Ambrose. He's asking her in a creepily
nice way to put them back.

I get the feeling that somebody isn't going to play nice, no matter what the
Doctor says.

Elliot returns with his map, and so he gets to hear the actual plan, because
he actually asks what in the hell all these cameras are for.

Basically, they're going to detect when the things in the ground pop up and
then it's going to temporarily disable it with the pulse transmitted...

I'll let Elliot Explain:

They're going to knock 'em out.

So, the Doctor and Elliot make some small talk. Elliot reveals that he's
going to blow this joint as soon as he hits 18. I don't blame him. He's the
only kid for miles and the only people that live in town are his own family...
Everybody at the mine commutes, as we learned earlier.

Then he gets the Doctor to open up a little about how much he misses his own
home town.

I like this Elliot kid and his perceptive bluntness. Can we expect Monsters
or what? He asks. While all the adults are running around like proverbial
headless chickens, spewing disbelief here and there and everywhere while they
work on the Doctor's nebulous plan...

Elliot knows exactly what is up.

The Doctor doesn't even have to answer his question, that's how right he is.
He can only proffer the little nugget of hope...that he's not afraid of no
monsters.

They are afraid of him.

Elliot is a little unsure of the Doctor's dad getting back capabilities now,
but his skepticism is not baseless what with the introduction of the element "M"
(that is Monsters on the Periodic table of Who)

The Doctor reassures him and with that he's off to retrieve the headphones he
left at home.

NO, Elliot! Don't leave the safe-house!

Outside, Rory's gazing up at the force-field, which is now blotting out the
sun. This is grim news according to the Doctor. They're trying to separate
them in the dark.

The Dark. The better to silently stalk you and eat you in.

It also means: They're Heeee--eeeere

Back at the church, Nasreen grasps Mac's hand as the danger approaches the
surface.

Mac throws caution to the wind, seeing as this may just be the end of them,
and lays one on a very surprised looking Nasreen.

Mac's all: Screw this UST! We both know I like you, so...

And Nasreen kisses him back.

Yay! Love connection at the end of the world!

Outside, Ambrose and the Doctor are trying to get the stickety door open while
Rory watches on. He wonders why they don't just sonic it, but...

Doesn't work on wood.

Rory thinks this is rubbish. The Doctor takes offense for his screwdriver.

"Don't Diss the Sonic" he says.

This also needs to be on a t-shirt immediately.

The Doctor tries to get a fix on the baddies exact location when the lights
blow out. So much for those newfangled electronics.

The Earth quakes under their feet after Rory inquires after everybody's health
and well being and it's been established that the power outage was a deliberate
sabotage.

The Drilling finally stops. They have arrived. Whatever they are.

Ambrose finally figures out that her own damn child is missing.

The Doctor has to admit that he kind of made an oops there as he was the last
one to see the kid, and let him run off when their countdown to doom was almost
at zero.

Ambrose yells at him.

There he is! He's almost made it back and is in the church graveyard, but
he's being tailed by a shadowy creature.

He knows it's out there as he makes it to the door and everybody has a hell of
a time opening it.

What is this door?

Let's call it the door of drama, because it seems as if our bad guy has caught
up with Elliot.

Elliot's gone for now, and Ambrose finds his headphones abandoned in the
graveyard.

Still not the sad part, guys.

Oh, hey! This thing pounces right on the grief stricken woman (who was told
not to run off, by the way.)

Dad to the rescue! He pushes the creature off his daughter and...well, I
suppose this is what you call a literal tongue lashing.

Ambrose jumps immediately to the conclusion that everybody has been murdered.
The Doctor makes no such assumptions.

You know what they say about assumptions, right?

They convince Ambrose to get the hell back in the church so she can take care
of her injured father, and Rory asks what happens next?

This does. There is a Corey Hart joke to be made here, right?

Well, they aren't really sunglasses. They actually detect heat signatures.
The Doctor catches a glimpse of our perpetrators and it's enough to determine
that they are cold blooded.

That in turn is enough for him to determine exactly who they are.

This revelation has been brought to you by CSI.

He grabs a fire extinguisher out of his Meals-on-Wheels cache and catches a
glimpse of the bad guy in the window as he shuts the door.

Take that!

Rory emerges from the rear of the vehicle and they stuff the poor confused
reptilian into the back of the van.

Their sure to be hilarious attempt at a high five is interrupted by more
ground shakings.

It's a retreat! Rory thinks they've been scared off, but the Doctor knows
better. There are hostages on both sides now.

Hey! It's Amy. Long time, no see. She's back in the land of the conscious
now.

It seems our girl is encased in some kind of glass box. She's screaming to be
let out and this sort of lizard MD peers over her.

It gasses her back to sleep.

Meanwhile, upstairs, the Doctor is out to question their captive. Rory's
worried about that crazy tongue poison, but the Doctor tells him not to fear.
He's encountered this species before and their venom takes at least a day to
recharge.

The Doctor approaches the creature. He's going to remove the mask.

So that thing we saw before wasn't its actual face.

There we go. Now that's not so bad.

The Doctor admires the creature for a moment before he gets down to the
business of negotiation.

The Doctor asks all the pertinent questions. Why? How Many? When she says
she's the last...he doesn't believe her.

She tries again, but he's got her lies pegged. It takes one to know one,
after all, and she ain't no last of her species.

He gets her name finally: Alia She doesn't answer how long her people have
been chillin' underground though.

Apparently her kind is over 300 million some odd years old. As for the why of
the situation? They thought they were being attacked down there. It was
Nasreen and Mac's drilling that set off the alert.

Once the threat was detected the warriors were activated... now they want to
come on up to the surface and take back the planet.

Oh. Dear.

The Doctor tries to convince her that we puny humans aren't so bad. We can be
nice! (When we aren't torturing space whales that is.)

The Doctor tries to enter into some peace talks, but I think he's talking to
the wrong reptile. She's not interested in coexistence.

She believes they have the right to the surface since they were there first.
The Doctor tries another tract and attempts to convince her that it's not worth
it. We'd fight back.

She basically refuses to negotiate or give back their captives. The Doctor
isn't interested in letting her provoke a war though.

Oh, but the war's already been started according to her. She's all ready to
die for the cause and wonder's what the Doctor's sacrificed.

You are asking the wrong person, lady.

The Doctor's new plan is to go down into the deep and find a more rational,
less war-mongering being to talk to. Ambrose doesn't like this idea of
negotiating with 'aliens'.

The Doctor tries to get her to wrap her mind around the fact that these
"Aliens"...Silurian, are, in fact, native to Earth!

The Doctor makes a speech, so that they all understand that they must be the
all that they can be: the best humanity has to offer. Alia is their only
bargaining chip and she has to be kept safe.

Mac thinks they should cut her open to find their weak spot.

No. None of that! They need an even exchange. Alia for their friends.
Murdering people isn't going to work.

Nobody dies today says the Doctor. Cut to...

Yeah. I'll just leave that there.

Nasreen is so taken by the Doctor's speech that she bursts into applause, but
she's the only one that does, so it's all awkward.

Nasreen is keen to take a ride in the TARDIS.

Mac arrives on the scene. He doesn't like the idea, but Nasreen isn't going
to sit idly by when she can take a journey to the center of the Earth that she's
been studying her entire life. Her excitement convinces the Doctor to let her
go with him, and she's excited despite the danger.

Inside: Yay! Bigger on the inside!

Oops! Before things can really get rolling, something starts to drag the
TARDIS down into the Earth.

Upstairs, our remaining trio is doing something extremely ill advised. Dudes.
C'mon! You couldn't just chill in the pews for a couple of hours?

Regardless, Rory, our good will ambassador is here to assure Alia that they
are going to keep her safe.

Ambrose tries to explain how things are going to be in her most authoritative
voice, but Alia has a surprise for her.

She says that one of them is going to kill her and inspire a war.

Seriously, dudes, get the hell out of there. You've got a warrior hell bent
on martyrdom? It's a recipe for disaster.

Mac seems to think that's not going to happen. It's nice to see that he's
taken the Doctor's words to heart and isn't planning on a surprise vivisection.

She pretty much ignores his declaration and claims that she knows which one is
the culprit.

Either the Silurian are mind readers or shes' manipulating the shit out of you
guys. My bet is on the latter.

Rory gets his determined face of determination on while Mac and Ambrose steal
glances at eachother behind his back.

Later we find that Mac has been more affected by the poison tongue lashing
than he's been letting on.

And the TARDIS comes to a rough landing.

There they are, all cosy in the underground Silurian tunnel. Nasreen wants
to know why they haven't burnt to a crisp in the Earth's molten core by now.
That's a good question that the Doctor hadn't thought of. Hmmmmm.

Meanwhile, Amy is now strapped down into some kind of apparatus.

Hey! It's our good friend, Mo. He has some advice: Close the eyes and don't
struggle.

Mo reveals that they dissected him while he was still conscious. How is that
possible? I don't know, but Amy is wearing the appropriate facial expression
when she realizes what's coming for her.

Here's a guy dressed like a doctor, holding some sort of stabby instrument.
Unfortunately Amy doesn't heed Mo's advice and struggles hard against her
restraints, while Mo whispers apologies that he couldn't do better helping her.

The Doctor seems to think that Alia is only one of a dozen or so remnants of
this ancient species still holding out down here under ground. That is until
Nasreen stumbles upon their settlement.

Yep. He might want to rethink that estimate.