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Doctor Who
The Unicorn and the Wasp
Series 4 Episode 7
Has it been two weeks already? See what happens, I get a week break and I end up two weeks behind. What is that? O steps forward, two steps back right? Aaaaanyway, The Doctor and Donna, they have arrived in a place that smells like mint. Naturally, this means that it is the 1920's.
He can tell the year just by the smell? He says yes, Donna says...well, what about that vintage car, maybe that's what gave you a clue?
Tada, it appears they are at a big mansion out in the country.
Let's meet professor Peach!
And the Rev. Who rides in on his bicycle. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
Lady Edison (must be the lady of the house) has told this butler guy to tell the guests to get comfy in their rooms. Cocktails on the lawn!
P.P. as I shall now call him, has some business to attend to in the library. ALONE.
Awww, but it's a party says the Rev. All this work will be the death of P.P. You don't say?
Donna is weirdly geeked out about attending a party in the 1920's while the Doctor looks on suspiciously.
They're going to crash the party with a little help from the psychic paper.
While the Doctor and Donna get ready to par-tay, P.P. is up in the library having some sort of epiphany about a family secret.
He gets caught in the act by someone he knows, but we don't get to see who it is...thus: Mystery!
P.P. is very calm about this, I do say, as whoever has entered the room is now brandishing a lead pipe and our perps-eye view has turned into some weird purple compound eye vision.
We hear the sound of buzzing and all of a sudden P.P. is rather stunned.
Omigod! it's a giant wasp!
Meanwhile, The Doctor is waiting very impatiently for Donna who is inside the TARDIS doing something...He's worried about being late for the cocktails.
Flapper? or Slapper? Oh, Donna. I'm happy to see that she's raiding the TARDIS wardrobe this episode!
Flapper, says the Doctor. You have chosen wisely.
And they're off!
This party is off the chain, with the hott gramophone action going on, playing the Doctor Who Theme song no less. The Doctor certainly knows how to make an entrance.
This woman rallies all the servants together.
...and it's Time for introductions. This is lady Edison. The Lady of the house.
The Doctor pretends like he knows her and she has no clue who they are.
It's the Doctor and Donna! Duh.
He makes up some story about meeting at a ball or something and waves his psychic paper at her. This time it's an invite.
Lady Edison is all like, 'Okay then. Sorry for forgetting you.' She's probably too drunk right now to question it anyway. (As we will find out later.)
Lady E. tells the Doctor that one can't be too sure with the Unicorn running around. I am sorely disappointed that the Unicorn isn't an actual unicorn...or a Narwhal or something. I'
Hey, it's Roger and Roger II. Lady E's husband and son.
Seems the poor old guy is confined to the wheel chair because of the flu.
And Roger ,he just charms the pants off Donna by calling her a super lady. (That's SuperTEMP to you!)
But, it's Davenport here that does it the way Roger likes it.
Anyways, Donna wonder's why Lady E. and her husband keep different last names here in the 20's. Turns out her family name is more prominent...so yea...something about Roger inheriting her Lordly title.
Look, it's Ribena Redmond! A Must at any social gathering. Looks like nobody has even met her. Her reputation must precede her.
And the Rev returns. Here's where he mentions that he was raised by the Christian fathers and he apprehended some kids who robbed his church recently.
Roger thinks those kids deserve some kind of thrashing and Davenport totally agrees. Kinky, guys!
Isn't it always the way, Donna?
Now it's time for the special guest of the evening, Agatha Christie! And here's where I admit I have never read an Agatha Christie novel in my life so I'm sure things will be flying right over my head and to my left and my right in this episode, so forgive me.
The Doctor and Donna react with an overabundance shock and awe.
Aaaand here it comes...our weekly dose of the Doctor and Donna aren't a couple!
Agatha, of course didn't think they were married or anything...no rings...
She's so clever it causes our favorite time traveling duo to sport matching toothy grins.
Christie gives them some sage advice...never get married. She sounds like my dad.
Lady E. lets us know that she's Christie's number one fan and has read all of her six novels...and what abut Mr. Christie? Well, Agatha's not to keen to dwell on him...what does she need that guy for anyway?
The Doctor Snags a newspaper from Mr. K. while everybody is chatting about Belgian detectives.
I'm just going to throw in Donna's fakey fake laugh for my own amusement.
Roger wants to know where P.P. is, because he wold love to meet Mrs. Christie. The Rev tells them that he's up in the library.
We learn that lord of the servants here is named...she's sent off to go fetch P.P. from the library.
The Doctor points out the date to Donna. Apparently this is the night that Agatha Christie goes missing...
Anyway, Chandra is in for one heck of a surprise when she stumbles into the Library. Poor Professor Peach is dead!
Meanwhile out on the lawn the Doctor is explaining all about Agatha's mysterious disappearance. She has just discovered her husband is having an affair...Donna can't believe she can just go on and put on a smile like it never happened. But apparently that is what British people with money do..."Carry On"
More details: Her car is found the next morning by a lake.
Then she turns up in Harrogate with no memory. I'm so sure this has nothing to do with the Doctor at all. That he just arrived is purely coincidence. Yep.
And then Chandra makes her re-entrance screaming bloody murder, so off everybody runs...to the library, the game is afoot!
The Doctor examines the body while Agatha Christie watches on. He determines that Proffesor Peach was killed in the library with the lead pipe. Then he examines the papers P.P. was looking at.
Agatha nabs a piece of paper from the fireplace where something had been burned and the Doctor spies her sneakiness.
They keep showing us shots of the butler here. I think we're supposed to think he did it...but yeah, too easy.
Donna is the first to realize that this whole murder thing is playing out like an Agatha Christie Novel. (Apparently, so I've heard)
The rest of the guests arrive and are in shock. Agatha suggests calling the police.
The Doctor flashes his psychic paper at them and tells them he's a detective and Donna is the "Plucky young lady who assists him" Donna doesn't like the sound of that, but she can't very well be a detective herself in the 20's.
So the Doctor ushers them all into the sitting room so he can question him later...but first...
He has to squint at the floor for a minute. he's looking for some sort of alien clue I'm sure.
And he finds it...Here's the explanation sans technobabble: It is some kind of viscous material that is left behind after an alien changes form. So the've got a form shifting alien on the loose...Someone in the house is an alien!
Donna thinks this whole situation is totally weird...Agatha Christie, smack in the middle of a murder mystery? Why that would be like Charles Dickens surrounded by ghosts...at Christmas. Hah.
And Donna wants to know if NODDY is real too. He's not for the record.
Anyway, the Doctor hands out some assignments. Donna is to go upstairs and investigate the rooms with a giant magnifying glass. She's none to pleased that she doesn't get to question the witnesses. That honor is reserved for Agatha Christie herself.
The Doctor is so excited about solving a mystery with the woman that he can't keep his grin to himself.
As for Agatha she pretty much thinks he's a lunatic for finding amusement in the poor professor's death.
Point to Agatha Christie!
First Up: The Rev.
He was putting the stuff in his room away.
and Roger?
He was taking a walk. Alone. By himself.
Miss Redmond...
Preparing for the evening's festivities.
Mr. K?
Well, he was reading important documents.
As for the Lady of the house...
She was taking "tea"
The Doctor and Agatha brainstorm. Nobody has an alibi.
Something about Grey Cells and Belgium make hims tart to reminisce about the time he spent trying to find Charlemagne who had been kidnapped by an insane computer.
Agatha snaps him out of this reverie.
She mentions that he missed a big clue...which was the one she stole, so how the heck could he have found it?
Anyway, he saw her take it from the fireplace in the reflection of the bookcase glass!
She calls him crafty and he doesn't disagree.
So what's on the paper? The word "Maiden" the Doctor screams it in Agatha's ear as is his wont but screaming doesn't yield any good ideas, it just makes Agatha Christie a little deaf.
Meanwhile, Donna is checking out rooms and she's stumbled upon a locked one...and the butler has stumbled upon her. I am very sure we're supposed to be suspicious of him.
Donna uses her Super lady powers to get him to open the door. Well, her 'everybody thinks me and the Doctor are detectives' powers anyway.
The Butler tells us the story of Lady E. who locked herself in the room when she came back from India with malaria. (Get out of my head Pavement!) It had remained locked ever since.
Forty years it has remained untouched. but Why? Donna must investigate.
All she has to go on is an old sad teddy bear when she hears a buzzing at the window. She's going to let that bee out of the window now.
She gets the magnifying glass out, so she might get at least some use out of it...
Turns out she doesn't need it.
Or maybe she does. The giant wasp chases her around the room for a minute, but she ends up next to the window and fries the sucker. Sort of. It only gets distracted long enough for her to scream a lot and run out of the room.
So guys, there's a giant wasp on the loose. How's that for a clue?
The Doctor asks for clarification on the phrase "Giant Wasp" (Dude, you're an alien that travels in time, what do you think?) Agatha thinks Donna is making giant wasps out of regular sized wasps and is just being a big girl about an insect.
Donna's all, 'What about 'Giant Wasp' is not self explanatory to you guys?
Take a gander at that stinger!
So the Doctor collects a sample to test from the was stinger, while Agatha thinks they are both batty.
Just in case you're wondering why the wasp doesn't die when it's lost it's stinger, it's because it's so big it'll just grow a new one.
Down in the kitchen the servants are gossiping about P.P.'s murder. Chandra has no patience for this. Davenport here just happens to mention that P.P. was always asking questions about some book of his.
This gives Chandra pause...maybe he stumbled upon some relevant bit of information...so she runs off to tell Lady E.
and get's taken out by a gargoyle on the way.
The Doctor and crew hear the scream and come running to her aid but it's too late. Her final words are "The Poor Child" Another clue!
Hey, it looks like waspy here dropped the Gargoyle on Chandra. Why is a giant wasp with a stinger the size of someone's head killing people with lead pipes and dropping gargoyles on them? I wonder.
They chase it inside. The Doctor thinks it's totally awesome.
Hi wasp! Why don't you go pollinate some flowers instead of killing people? I hear the bees have gone missing.
It comes after them, but Donna scares it with her giant Magnifier, the they run after it...which Donna thinks is awesome, they never get to run after the bad guys since they're always on the run.
They chase it into a hallway...but it's changed back to human form, so they can't tell who it is! P.S. Davenport sure does get around, he was in the kitchen polishing silver not five minutes ago.
The Doctor says that's cheating! Don't you know never to play with wasps. They always cheat.
Everybody convenes in the sitting room where Lady E cries over the loss of her beloved servant lady who had been with her since India.
The Doctor asks about Chandra's last words, 'the poor little child'.
Mr. K has no idea, and it's highly unlikely there ever will be any.
Awww, come on, there's a wasp going around killing everyone, it's not the time to get all disapproving on gay old Roger.
Okay then...let's start in on Agatha. They all want to know what she thinks because she is a great solver of mysteries and a brilliant mind and such.
She's all...'dudes, I'm an author, I have no idea!' I have to agree with her, see the thing about being an author and writing mysteries is that you already know who did it when you start out. Real mysteries...not so much.
Miss Redmond reminds us all that this whole thing is playing out like a big old Agatha Chrisie plot, even Donna gets in on it. If I were Mrs. Christie I'd tell them all to take a hike.
Agatha recommends the Doctor for all their crime solving needs. He's the one who is the real 'detective'
Agatha's having a real self esteem attack now so she's going to mope in the garden now. Donna joins her for a cheer up session, and mentions that her books might be made into movies one day before movies have even been invented. Oh, Donna, you're a walking anachronism!
She thinks someone's mocking her with these murders and she's had enough scorn. Donna tries empathy...you know, Agatha's husband is a cheater, Donna's fiance was in cahoots with a giant spider. Agatha's a little offended that people are gossiping about her marriage, but she admits it after a moment.
Donna tries to tell her that people are going to be reading her books for years and years to come, and poor Agatha thinks she's only a silly little novelist who will never amount to a hill of beans in the grand scheme of things.
In the midst of this pity party Agatha spots this case in the middle of a flower bed.
See, says Donna. You're more clever than you think, Agatha Christie.
What is in the case? Lock picking devices. Tools of the trade. Not only do we have a wasp infestation...we've also got unicorns.
Mr. Grieves (Get out of my head Pixies!) brings some drinks and looks suspicious.
So, the Doctor has managed to analyze the Wasp juice...Vespiform! A vespiform that acts like a character in an Agatha Christie novel. What does that mean?
Donna mentions Miss Marple before she's been created. Agatha thinks she's a good idea for a future novel. Haha. Haha.
While they're laughing it up, the Doctor's enzymes are being inhibited. He's been poisoned by Cyanide.
He runs off to the kitchen so he demand Ginger beer from Davenport, who totally doesn't get it, so the Doctor raids the cupboard himself for some.
Agatha reminds us all that there's no cure for cyanide poison, but that's not true for Time Lords! He can stimulate his enzymes using a very strange combination of ingredients.
He asks for protein and they give him some nuts, then he shovels them down. This whole scene is just totally ridiculous and hilarious. I'm sorry, it cracked me up.
Now that his mouth is full of nuts, it's time to play charades. One word...and he shakes his hand around.
Donna guesses Harvey Wallbanger...which is funny enough in itself without the Doctor's incredulous reaction at her really bad charade skills. The answer is salt...she hands him a bag of salt but that's too salty.
But a jar of anchovies does the trick...and now
Jazz hands!!! Donna guesses Camptown Races. The answer is a surprise. He needs to be shocked.
How's that for a shock? A shock for both of them, I'd wager...especially after all those anchovies he just swallowed.
And that does it. The Time Lord system has been detoxed.
The servants are all...????
He thinks he should try detoxing more often. Not the making out with Donna part, we can all be assured of that for the five billionth time.
Later, there is Dinner and a storm and the Doctor Recaps, at the end of the day they carry on as usual. They are British and that is how they roll.
The Doctor tells them all that the poison incident gave him an idea. He has poisoned them all!!!!!! With Pepper.
Well, it's poisonous to wasps anyway.
The Lights go out and the wasp appears...the Doctor tells everyone to move, but nobody listens to him and panic ensues.
We go with the Doctor's crew...he finds a sword and we learn that the Butler isn't the wasp after all.
The wasp is gone now...
Lady E. is worried about her necklace. The Firestone.
And Davenport is worried about Roger because...
Well, because he's face down dead in a bowl of peppery soup with a knife in his back. Lady Edison cries for her only son.
The Doctor and Agatha are silently hanging out when Donna comes in feeling bad for Davenport because he has to mourn in secret.
As for the Firestone...Lady E brought it from India.
And the Doctor is still wondering why the stupid wasp is acting like an Agatha Christie villain.
Now the Doctor gives Agatha Christie a pep talk when she tells him to forget about giant wasps. The murderer is as human as the next person. He tells her she can solve the mystery because she knows about people and thier motivations.
Agatha thinks about it. She's going to solve the murder.
Ooo, Now we're going to stand in front of the fireplace and solve the mystery!
the Doctor and Donna listen with rapt attention.
First up. Miss Redmond. Who nobody in the room has ever met.
She's the Unicorn. She tossed her kit out her bathroom window when she learned Donna was going to be searching the rooms.
Miss Redmond produces the firestone from her breast and hands it over. Donna asks if she's the Murderer, but that would be a no. She may be a thief, but she's no killer!
And Mr. K?
It's a miracle! He can walk!
Turns out he was faking paralysis so he could keep Lady E. at his side, because she's still hot stuff and she could have anyone she wants. He wants to know how Agatha sussed it out.
She didn't. She was just going to say he was innocent.
It all comes back to the firestone.
Turns out Lady E. Has a hell of a story? Remember the malaria? It was actually a baby, and Chandra was in on it. She kept it a secret to keep the family name from being scandalized.
The Doctor knows it wasn't an ordinary pregnancy. He takes over from here now.
Flashback to Delhi! Lady E sees a meteor crashing towards earth and the next day..
Some hottie comes to the house and sweeps her off her feet!
They fell in love so much that he tells her that he is a giant wasp, come to study the people of Earth and she doesn't even care. He gives her the firestone as a gift. Turns out he was drowned in a monsoon. Sad. She gave the baby up for adoption and P.P. found the birth certificate.
So Lady E is the Killer?
No she's innocent.
The Doctor points to Donna, then to Agatha, the two most innocent people in the room....then back to Lady E.
Doctor Who Science Coming up. Lady E was reading Agatha Christie.
And the Rev was kicking delinquent arse at the chapel.
Hahaa, Robbing a church, how awesome.
The Rev is forty, the same age as the wasp kid.
The Rev thinks this is crazy, but Lady E believes it. She just lost one son, and she got the other one back...buuuut
Being so angry at the thieves broke the genetic lock that was keeping him human (I know, this is lacking in sense)
Also, the firestone is a Vespiform telepathic recorder. When the rev activated so did the stone, and it sucked up all the Agatha Christie plot lines floating around in Lady E.'s head that Thursday and tethered them to the Rev's Waspy subconscious. That is why he was killing like a Christie novel...because he thought he was suposed to.
This framing is not symbolic at all. Anyway the Rev is the killer. He tries to play it off, but he starts buzzing.
So the Doctor eggs him on and he gets angry.
Lady E wants her son back. He's all she has left after all...Killer Wasp or no.
Everybody goes to cower in the corner.
But Clever Agatha Christie takes the firestone and heads for the hills. The wasp follows her.
Naturally the Doctor and Donna Follow.
Well, Agatha is a mess now, she is totally blaming herself for this nonsense even though none of it is her fault. She wasn't the one going around having affairs with alien wasps.
She holds the Wasp hostage. She thinks that if she dies maybe the wasp will too.
The Doctor tries reason, but...it's a wasp, and Donna, she's all passion so without thinking she nabs the firestone and pitches it into the lake.
And the wasp goes right in after it...to suffer the same fate as it's poor father. Drowning.
Ooo, the Doctor is mad at Donna for killing it...because the poor thing couldn't help it was imprinted with the template for murdering.
Donna couldn't help it either. Something had to be done.
Only one mystery left...who exactly is the Doctor?
Before the Doctor can answer Agatha turns purple...since the vespiform is connected to her and it's dying so is she...
But it let her go as it's last act. This is how she got amnesia and her car was found at the lake and...
and the Doctor and Donna drop her off a few days later in Harrogate.
Epiloge: Lady Edison and Company...Carry on as if nothing happened. The story is way to insane to tell anyone. the Unicorn, back to London...and Agatha...
Meets a new guy writes tons of novels has a great career and a great life...
Donna thinks it's sad that Agatha never realized what a great and long lasting author she is.
The Doctor thinks that Agatha never really forgot the insanity, and it just kept seeping through her subconscious into her work. Thinks Like Miss Marple, and ...
The Doctor whips out his hope chest..he. I guess he has a bunch of them because this one is labeled 'C'. It's got some sort of Cyberman doohickey in it and the Carrionite witches and...
An Agatha Christie novel with a giant wasp on the cover.
Published in the year five billion.
She's the most best selling author ever!!!
Donna thinks it's too bad she never knew.
But nobody knows how they're going to be remember says the Doctor. That's why we all just carry on. Speaking of which...shall we travel to the next episode now?
You bet we should.
Next Time
Little girls in big Libraries!!!
Statues with faces.
Oh, my god! Who is this?
And I see dead people!
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