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Who said anything about mating?

In which I recap Doctor Who
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Disclaimer: I am not a super giant massive Doctor Who fan who has watched the series since it's inception (only when Cheetah people were involved)...I shall miss tiny details. I promise.

Opening Credits, New theme arrangement. New Theme arrangement? It totally sucks. I'm never watching this show again. What? Nevermind, Onward!

The Return of Donna Nobel, looking purposeful and professionals striding down the London streets.

And we have the good Doctor striding in the other direction looking suited and spiky haired as ever.

Where are they going? Adipose Industries. Here I'll do the Research for you:

ADIPOSE

Anyway, the Doctor chooses to blow up the Emergency Exit Doors. For what reason I'm not sure because...

Clearly walking in the front door is a valid option. Maybe we're just supposed to think Donna works there, but I didn't think that for a minute.

And Donna proves me right by flashing a bogus I.D. at a sleepy looking guard dog while Chirping "Health and Safety Services!" We can tell it's bogus because we have seen television shows before. Of course it works like a charm.

As for the Doctor, he's got psychic paper on his side.

Donna's attending this press conference for Adipose apparently. Which is a diet pill. This lady, we'll call her Foster because that what she's calling herself right now, is introducing the pill to everybody.

It's some kind of revolutionary weight loss program apparently. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to change your diet, just take the pill and Presto! Yeah, we've all heard that one before.

So has this reporter who's name I forget, so we'll call her Jane Doe. She wants to know where's the science!!

Power Point time! We get a little slideshow about some wonky scientific explanation for how this pill works, but that's clearly not the focus because I sure as hell am not paying any attention to it.

Donna is entranced however.

Foster smirks at her own cleverness.

And the Doctor is up in the projection room flashing his psychic paper. "Health and Safety" he says, and adds "Film division" because why the hell would Health and Safety have to watch the presentation from the projection room? The projectionist probably doesn't care because he is a projectionist... I just think the Doctor likes flashing his psychic paper around.

And Jane is like, Why, should I believe this?

Foster reassures her and speaks the Adipose tag-line as it flashes across the screen behind her... "The Fat Just walks Away". Hello Foreshadowing, nice to see you again!

Ooo, It's a cube farm. Good thing Captain Jack isn't in this episode, he wouldn't be able to contain himself.

Donna Ducks into a cube, and as soon as she does the Doctor is on the scene ducking into his own cube two cubes down, both flashing their fakey fake ID's.

Donna and the Doctor inspect the free necklace given with every purchase of Adipose. Then they both pocket it like a couple of thieves.

The cute telemarketer girl clearly has the hots for the Doctor right off the bat...the guy I'm not so sure. I kinda think he wants Donna to get the heck out of his cube. Anyway, the Doctor and Donna want printouts of the client list and their salespersons are more than happy to oblige. What the hell? That's so gotta be against company policy.

The Doctor and Donna then pop up and down out of their respective cubes like a game of whack-a-mole. They miss spotting each other by seconds.

Foster drops by to deliver a rousing speech to the troops...Double your sales or you're fired!! Yay! Go team!

Cube girl gives the doctor her phone number while Donna goes to retrieve her printout.

The Doctor is of course flummoxed by this gesture, because what on Earth is he going to do with an attractive lady's phone number? Anyway, once he does get it (Because she's hitting on him hard), he flees the cube in terror.

And nearly knocks Donna over.

But Donna has taken both printouts, so he has to return to his not so secret admirer and adorably ask her for another one.

So Donna Pops by a customer's house...It's Fake Credentials time! WoooHoo!

And this lady just lets her in, because her cover is soooo convincing.

Meanwhile, Guess what the Doctor is up to. Anyone? Anyone? I think you get the theme of the first half of this episode by now.

This dude has been on the Adipose for a while now I guess, and the Doctor gains entrance to his abode without much of a fuss. This time he and Donna are pretending they're from Adipose checking up on their customers.

And She's so happy with her results that she's prettied herself all up to go break up with her boyfriend, because she can so do better than him!

He's happy with his results too, He knows the exact time he sheds the pounds, because that's when he gets woken up by the alarm.

And this revelation has got the Doctor's mind working over time. I think he's pretty much sussed it out at this point, because he is the Doctor and brilliant of course.

A look at the Alarm and Doctor asks if there is a Cat flap.

There is something strangely adorable about two grown men lying on a kitchen floor looking through a cat flap next to a table with a generic goldfish bowl on it.

I think this whole scene was designed with this joke in mind:

The dude says the flap was there when he moved in...You see, He's not a cat person.

Nope, The Doctor Agrees. Not a Cat person, because he's seen cat people and this dude is not it. Heh. In any case the important thing you get from this is that Cat flaps also let things out...The Fat just walks away the Doctor Repeats the Adipose Tag line. Are you Getting it Yet?

Our Girl is in the bathroom putting the final touches on her 80's style side ponytail...

And a bored Donna twists her little Adipose necklace

Which instantly starts trouble upstairs...

and over at Adipose Industries. Unscheduled Parthenogenesis! Says Foster.

Parthenogenesis

Anyways, the Doctor is telling our guy to lay off the damn pills, he doesn't need any more fat walking away anyway.

Then this little Do-Hicky starts beeping and the Doctor has to beat a hasty retreat to run off in the direction it's beeping at. I don't know quite exactly what this thing is or how it works, or how long it's been in the Doctor's pocket...but there you go.

And Foster sends out the Collection Squad via her Dick Tracy wristwatch.

Meanwhile this is happening to our poor girl. Yick.

And this dude materializes right from out of her belly, and there we have it, our big bad alien foe for this episode. It's going to grow fangs and eat her right? Right?

No. They are going to wave. The fat has morphed into an adorable little waving fat monster with one little tooth, a happy grin, and an adorable little squeak.

Understandably, she's a little bit upset that her fat has grown legs and taken it's leave. (Hey, as long as it works, I say.)

Donna comes up to see if she's okay finally.

She says yes at first, but then it becomes obvious that the little fat monsters aren't going to stop so she screams for help.

Donna can't crack the door on time. the Purple lady turns into a pile of cute little fat monsters.

Who wave goodbye to Donna as they jump out the window leaving nothing but a big pile of purple clothes.

Meanwhile the Doctor is following his alien tech.

And these guys load the Adipose into the back of an unmarked van.

Which almost mows down the Doctor. He realizes the Van is what he's after and takes off down an alley after it...but he's just not as fast as a car. A Time Lord's Only got two legs for goodness sake.

Meanwhile Donna has made it out to the street, where she meets the purple lady's cabbie. She has to inform in that his fare has left the building.

If you can't tell that's the Doctor in the Alley, and Donna out in the street. Missing each other yet again!

Back at Adipose Ind. Foster explains it all: The second Capsule is what induced the emergency parthenogenesis. Somebody stole it. We get this dramatic shot of her picking someone out from the CCTV footage as the necklace thief. Uh-Oh, Donna's in trouble right?

Well, yeah, she is. But not from any Alien Foe. It's her mother! Who nag, nag, nag's the minute Donna walks in the door.

So we get an extremely long montage of Nagging and Donna staring out into space, which is a pretty accurate portrayal of the tuned out look I have on my face when I get nagged.

So we learn a few things: Donna...Unemployed since the Doctor...Actually that's about all we learn. That and her mother is annoying.

Thankfully Donna goes to visit Gramps "Up the Hill" before I get the urge to jump through my screen and throttle her mother myself.

They Check out Venus. Gramps is a bit of a stargazer. He can't wait for the space traveling and aliens.

And Donna's on about Little Blue boxes flying around in the sky. If you haven't figured it out by now...Donna's little escapade to Adipose? She's looking for the Doctor.

And Gramps is like, what is wrong with you girl? More or less. He reminds us about stuff that happened during runaway bride, and He thinks Donna is kind of drifting these days, Just like Mom does except in a less shrill way that actually gets an answer.

She's not drifting. She's waiting. For the right Man.

And Gramps is all, Mwahahaha! Just like all the rest of the girls then?

She kind of tells him about the Doctor without mentioning he's an Alien that flies around in a Blue Telephone Box that travels through space and time.

Hell I ran out of caps for this scene....Anyway, Gramps encourages her to keep looking for him.

And Donna says, that she'll find him, cos he's still out there. Even if she has to wait a hundred years... Wait a minute Donna! Don't say that! YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE TO.

Meanwhile the Doctor's got his nose in the Adipose Capsule.

And he starts yammering on about some techno-nonsense, but there's nobody around to geek out with and that makes one sad Doctor.

And a Sad Doctor makes me Sad, I'm afraid.

The Next morning Donna Steals the family car. Her mother Nags some more.

She parks it down an alley and seconds later what appears behind the dumpster? Why it's the TARDIS of course!

Again: Front Door / Exploding emergency Exit locks with the Sonic Screwdriver

The Doctor Hides in a broom closet until the end of the day...Donna in the toilet.

And later Foster goes in search of an intruder and necklace thief!

Donna's Mum again. She's calling to Nag. About the Car, She asks where Donna is exactly.

Church she says. haha!

But Donna has to hang up now because Foster busts in with her goons and she is not happy.

Luckily it wasn't Donna she was after at all, but Jane Doe! The Reporter. She has found out some Dirt...All the test reports...Totally fake!

Meanwhile the Doctor decides he's going to take a ride in the window washer's lift. For what reason? I can only guess to look cool against the city backdrop.

Foster's office. Jane Doe is tied to a chair. She's on about rights and stuff, but nobody's interested in that.

The Doctor pulls out another handy implement and tries to listen in.

Jane wants to know what kind of a country Foster thinks this is where she can just abduct people willy nilly and tie them to a chair.

Anyway, Foster says it's a wonderfully fat country that she's traveled a long way to find...I wonder if she knows there's an even bigger, fatter country just on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

What are the Pills asks Jane.

Welcome to the Villain explains the Plan portion of tonights story hour!

So Foster is surprised that Jane never asked about her name since she picked it out so carefully (And Foster is a very, very strange and Odd surname that one would ask about after all.) She's a Foster Mother. Hired by the Adipose to repopulate their species after the breeding planet was lost.

Aww it's Only a Baby! Let's not hate! Love the baby Adipose and it's cute little tooth which I can only imagine eventually grows into a large hideous tusk...much like a Narwhals.

As the Doctor peeps through the Window, Donna Peeps through the door.

And Finally, We knew it was coming, the inevitable...they spot each other!

I will now Translate Donna and the Doctors conversation.

Donna??????

Doctor????

Wha...wha..what?

OH MY GOD!!!

How?

It's MEEEE!!!

I can see that.

Oh, this is BRILLIANT!

What the HELL are you doing THERE?

I was looking for YOU!

What For?

I've clawed my way through the deepest jungles..

I've done battle with walruses

I've traveled through the harshest deserts...on foot

talked to many people

And I have done the Jerk all in search of you, Doctor.....

No? The Doctor doesn't look like he caught all of that either, y'know except for the part about her looking for him...

We will now return you to your regularly scheduled recap...we hope you have enjoyed today's installment of lip reading theater

We know somebody has...

The Doctor sonically locks the door so Donna can get a head start.

And Up he goes back to the roof.

Hey, these guys went to the Owen Harper school of lock picking.

And Jane, poor old Jane is stuck to the Chair.

Awww, Hugs. Happy reunion, Donna has found the Doctor, and the Doctor now has somebody to talk to.

Donna wants to know if he ever changes suits since that's the one he was in the last time she met him. Hah. He has no patience for this small talk however...what with the baddies with guns after them. So it's up to the roof they go.

So Donna tells him all about how she figured out that if she goes looking for trouble, she'll probably find the Doctor. She's been to check out Loch Ness, and wondered about the Bees dying, and finally read some conspiracy theories about Adipose Industries. And there you have it.

Doctor Takes note of the Bees dying.

Donna takes note of the fact that it's a stupid idea to get in the window washing lift, because the baddies can just recall it to the roof.

Don't worry, says the Doctor. I did some sonicy, sonics, to sonic the sonic with my sonic screwdriver and unless Foster has a sonic something or other we're golden!

Sorry, Doctor, you're screwed.

This proves to be absolutely true when Foster locks down the building and snaps one of the cables on the lift sending Donna flying.

But she some how manages to hang on, dangling several stories above the pavement.

Well, what a fine predicament you've gotten yourself in now, Doctor. I think now that you've kind of screwed up it's time to save the day right?

Right! He sonics the Sonic pen out of Foster's hand and flexily manages to catch it on it's way down. Then he's in through a window so he can rescue Donna.

Jane wants to know what the hell is going on as she sees Donna's feet dangling near the window of Foster's office...where she's still tied up.

You're a reporter, Make it up, the Doctor advises her and then he tries to rescue Donna who's kicking him with her feet.

Once she's inside they have a laugh. Yay! Adrenaline rush! And they're off again. Work to do.

But Jane's like, come on now. You're the good guys apparently and you're going to leave me tied to a chair? So the Doctor Sonics the ropes and advises her to get out!

Doctor and Donna?

Meet Foster and thugs.

The Doctor admires Foster's sonic pen. He and Donna banter back and forth.

So the Doctor asks Foster her name, and she gives it, but I don't understand and don't feel like researching it...Suffice it to say that she is a "Wet Nurse" according to the Doctor and was contracted to take care of the Adipose children. We'll just call her Foster.

She explains about the lost breeding planet.

Doctor wants to know how you lose a planet? Will this come in to play at a later date? We shall see.

Donna wants to know about the purple girl though. If the Adipose are just fat what happened to her.

Foster doesn't care. She only cares about the kids...apparently they were in crisis and converted all of the poor girl...into them. Err, or something. Anyway, Donna's alarmed.

The Doctor gets his whoop-ass face on and warns Foster that Seeding a Level Five planet is against intergalactic law.

And Foster is nonchalant about the whole thing because she has a couple of lackeys with big guns standing behind her and...what chance does intergalactic law and an angry Time Lord have against that?

A pretty good chance actually. The Doctor Sonics the Sonic against the other Sonic and creates that awful noise that my headphones and ears are not fond of. This allows the Doctor and Donna to retreat as the baddies stand around clutching their ears.

Once recovered they head back to Foster's office where Jane is still snooping around, because it is a well proven fact that Time Lords and Immortal guys with immeasurable experience dealing with bad, bad aliens are Never ever listened to by anybody. Your punishment, Jane Doe...back in the chair with you.

And they're off to the broom closet!

Where Foster has hidden a computer, and now Doctor has the sonic pen he can get into it. We don't really need an explanation for why this is.

As for Foster, she's going to jump-start the breeding program a little early. Important things to note: The computer is called the inducer, and Since the Doctor is an alien he may have alerted the "Shadow proclamation" of Foster's insidious deeds.

Anyhow, the Doctor and Donna are about to have a heart to heart. Who's going first?

So still on your Own asks Donna. Doctor First!

Yep, I mean No. There was that whole Martha thing. Brilliant girl, but I destroyed half her life and stuff, but she's good now.

And Rose?

Nope, still stuck in an alternate dimension. Thanks for bringing that up. What about you Donna? How's that whole Traveling the world thing working out for you?

Not so hot. Everything is still the same. Went to Egypt, but tours aren't as fun as hanging out with you and nearly getting killed. Good times.

Donna says she must have been mad to turn down his offer, and the Doctor's like, My what now?

And Donna basically invites herself along on whatever adventures the Doctor will be getting up to this season. He obviously doesn't not know what the hell just happened. Ahh, Doctor, I missed you and your socially awkward ways.

Oh, by the way? Bad guys doing bad things. Inducer has been activated. Let's stop pining after lost companions and get to it shall we?

Meanwhile, Donna's mother has somehow managed without the car. I don't believe it.

She's hanging out with her friend who gets a bout of indigestion and a hump...Oh, wait a minute that's no hump!

It's a baby Narwhal!

And this guy, remember him? He's got Adipose popping out of him too (which hilariously jumps out of the cat flap)...and so does just about every overweight person in London.

The Streets are filled with Adipose!

Meanwhile the Doctor has wired up his Adipose necklace in an effort to stop people from converting entirely into little baby Adipose.

But Foster's like, Hell No! And ups the inducer to double strength.

And the Doctor goes into meltdown because he's not going to be able to stop it now.

As the fat people of London pop out Adipose, Donna calmly asks the Doctor what she can do to help, and he's pretty defeated and angsty at this point thinking that she's not going to be of any use. But she's persistent. "What do you NEED" she repeats.

Another necklace he says along with a bunch of technobabble.

Ask and ye shall receive

With that the Inducer goes kaput...the fat people of London are saved!

Well they'll have to make do with what they have, those Adipose overlords. I'm seriously curious as to what an Adult fat monster looks like.

Anyway, the mothership flies past Donna's gramps while he's not looking, and parks itself over adipose industries.

the Babies are ready to go home!

But the Doctor is receiving a message back in the broom closet and it's so not good news for madam Foster

She's totally ready to get beamed up.

But the Doctor's all about saving everybody, even baddies. Whether they're bringing about the apocalypse or illegally breeding new alien races from human fat.

Donna wants to know if he's going to blow shit up now. No, no, you have to go to Cardiff for that, Donna. Anyway, if you'll remember last time they met Doctor had just lost Rose and he was in full on wrath of the time lord mode, this time he just shrugs...the Adipose are only babies, they can't help it the poor little innocent souls. Donna chalks it up to a good dose of St. Martha. So the Doctor says that yes she did do him some good, and she also fancied him. Okay.

Wave goodbye to the little cuties. Who are not in any way supposed to be scary by the way, and they are quite effective at not being scary.

Donna can't believe she's waving at fat.

As for Foster, she's totally delusional as the Doctor tries to convince her that the Adipose are going to get rid of the accomplice who can implicate them in intergalactic...court I suppose.

And yet another person doesn't listen to a Time Lord...she Wile Coyotes in the air for a moment or two and then down she goes. You can hear the splat.

Off go the Adipose into the night.

Okay, so the Doctor Ditches Foster's sonic pen in a bin out front of the building.

And Jane Doe comes wobbling out after them still tied to the chair and threatening to report them for madness. They laugh at her.

Some people can't take it and some people can, says Donna, and then she nearly yanks the Doctor's arm out of it's socket as she drags him off to parts unknown...

Which happens to be where she's parked right next to the TARDIS.

It's Destiny!

Turns out Donna has been well prepared for destiny as she's been keeping her entire wardrobe packed in the back of the car for just this occasion. Even a big old hat, should they happen upon the planet of the hats. (Please let there be a planet of the hats!)

Donna's all excited until she spots the Doctor's sad puppy face.

She wonders if he'd rather go it alone after all.

Of course we know that's not true...he just doesn't want things to get complicated...you know like say, if one of his pals falls madly in love with him like always. He just wants a mate.

Donna, not being aware of Time Lord courting rituals of course misinterprets and thinks he said that he just wants TO mate. Ohhhh, the hilarity!

Both of them let us know that there will be no mating on this trip in the TARDIS. Which we can only be thankful for.

Bring on the Happy Hugs!

but before that can happen Donna remembers she has to get the car keys to her mother and then she jets off towards the street leaving the Doctor with a massive pile of suitcases to load up.

So Donna leaves instructions for her mother to find the keys in some random bin on the street. Let's take bets on whether or not she finds them, I'm going to say the odds are not in her favor no matter how precise the instructions.

Though Donna does leave word with this stranger, if a crazy old blond lady walks by nagging to herself just tell her 'that bin there' and then she skips away back to the TARDIS.

But who is this stranger? Why I do believe it's Rose Tyler. What is going on? Anyway, Rose doesn't really look too pleased about something, I suppose we will have to wait a while to find out what her deal is...