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Countrycide Continued??? »
Torchwood
Season One Episode Six
Countrycide
Back by Popular Demand. It has been requested that I go back and make captions for all of season one, so here I am. With two seasons worth of Spin. I'm not even going to pretend that this recap covers only my first viewing of this episode ever. So Big fat Giant Organic Spoilers all the way up to 2 x 12. Heed this warning, and no bitching. Like anybody reads this shiz anyway.
Let's meet this weeks poor unfortunate soul. She's driving along some one lane country road in the middle of nowhere. This can't possibly lead to anything pleasant.
She hits one particular lonely stretch of road and her mobile cuts out. Apparently she doesn't have the same service provider as Gwen.
All of a sudden it's like we've entered a Radiohead video.
Our girl sees this dead body and of course decides she's going to go investigate...good Samaritan that she is.
Weapon of Choice : Baseball Bat
Poke it with a stick!
Surprise, Surprise, it's only a dummy. Our girl is horrified at the revelation and retreats back to her vehicle baseball bat in hand.
The air has been let out of her tires, there's screaming going on off in the distance and there's creepy figures flashing across the screen.
Time to get out of this place, flat tire be damned! Oh, but no...the keys have been stolen.
And there is still no phone service.
On top of all this horror, there are noises all around the car like something is trying to get in.
Well, whatever it is out there...has the keys, so the locking the car door thing that she did doesn't really help. It reaches in and drags her away, kicking and screaming.
It's a Torchwood field trip! Everybody already looks like they want to kill each other...or at least Owen, because he's in full on bitch mode about how much he hates the countryside.
Owen wants to know what that disgusting smell is anyway...it's Grass, Gwen informs him. Ahh, she's just pissed off because she has to sit in the middle, what with the Extra Body on this trip.
At a roadside burger stand Jack explains to us what exactly the hell Torchwood is doing out here in the middle of nowhere...team building? Nah, there have been some disappearances and the police are clueless.
This doesn't surprise Owen. No offense to PC Cooper, and she doesn't take any. Huh?
All the disappearances occurred within a twenty mile radius.
And nothing is linking them together.
No Bodies have ever been found.
The most educated guess as to what is happening is: One minute they're here, and the next minute...Pppppffffftttt!
Gwen wonders if the rift spreads out this far, and Jack says that they don't know. Torchwood has been sitting under it for over a hundred years and they know fuck all about it just that it's increasing in activity all the time. That's reassuring.
Owen is so ready to go home.
See. He's about ready to hitch a ride back to Cardiff for all the interest he's showing in what's going on. He doesn't seem to think aliens would ever want to hang out in the country.
Owen thinks it might be some weird suicide club where people meet and end it all. See, he is a suicide geek after all.
Somehow, even when they're out in the middle of nowhere, Mother Hen Ianto still manages to feed everybody and y'know warn them to be careful because the burgers are hot.
Except for Tosh. A friend of hers once caught hepatitis from a burger stand burger once. Tosh has friends?
Everybody rethinks the whole eating situation.
Jack decides they're going to start with the most recent victim, who we saw in this weeks intro. Her name was Ellie Johnson.
They're going to set up camp where Ellie's phone went out of service.
Camping is totally Owen's worst nightmare!
Jack thinks this is hilarious. Y'know, this reminds me of when I get invited out for breakfast or something, and I only find out that I'm along for several hours worth of errand running AFTER I've been enticed out of the house.
Owen wants to know why they don't just stay in a hotel. Jack doesn't think this is a good idea because who wants to stay with the locals when people are going missing? I'm not sure that camping is the best alternate option in this case either, but Jack is the boss. He tells Owen to celebrate his own uniqueness since no other race in the galaxy goes camping. I think all the other races in the universe probably have it right.
Owen doesn't know how to pitch a tent.
Tosh wants to know if he needs a hand getting it up.
"IF I did, I wouldn't ask you." Nice, Owen, niiiice. He is in fine form today.
Poor, rejected, Tosh.
Gwen looks on curiously. I'm just going to get this out of the way and say that the Jacket Gwen is wearing makes her chest look totally weird.
Owen complains that there are pieces of his tent missing, but Ianto tells him that there are not. He already checked. Harper is not getting out of tent duty that easily. Oh yeah, and we're in scary creature vision right now eavesdropping on this particular Owen bitch session.
Later Gwen starts up a game of, Who did you Snog last. Owen thinks this is totally childish.
Jack is going to ignore this bit of fun for now in favor of poking at his wristband.
Gwen's was Rhys. Surprise! That was totally shocking. Owen agrees.
It's Tosh's turn, she doesn't really want to play...she thinks it's too easy for Gwen, what with her happy home life and all. Not so much for everyone else.
Ianto is in the background here sensing that they need seating arrangements and planning an ambush. Gwen goads Tosh into spilling the beans.
It was Owen. Ooo, the beans are surprising and kind of...sad.
Gwen seems a care a little too much about this revelation.
Owen totally does not remember and thinks Tosh is dreaming.
So here's the story: It was 3 A.M. Tosh was waiting for a cab outside the Millennium Centre on Christmas Eve...she had mistletoe.
Owen cannot believe that it's been that long since Tosh last snogged anybody.
Owen's turn! Awww, isn't it cute, the whole team gathered together like this...
Owen contemplates his answer for a moment and gets a wicked look on his face.
Aren't you so glad you opened this can of worms Gwen? It's going to get even better before all is said and done!
It was Gwen!
Those beans get even Jack's attention.
Tosh naturally wants to know when this shit went down, because Owen is her man to pine after and Gwen needs to step off.
Hahaha! Owen is quite pleased with himself.
Well, at the very least she has the good graces not to mention that Owen snagged that kiss while they were sandwiched in a drawer in cold storage hiding out from Ianto's Cyber Girlfriend.
Tosh says it didn't take Gwen long to get her feet under the table. Oooo, Tosh!
Gwen's a little hurt by that passive aggressive move but Tosh quickly changes the subject, because she wants to know the details. Was it just a kiss??? Was there tongue involved? Gwen so doesn't want to talk about this anymore.
Thankfully Jack joins them, so we can shift the focus on to him. He should just put a stop to this line of questioning right now, 'cos it might be that he's got the same kind of a Owen/Gwen/Cyberman on the rampage situation going on with a certain other person who happens to be there...
But no. Jack wants to know if we're including non-human life forms
Everybody thinks this is funny (except for Tosh apparently) Gwen never knows when he's joking. Ah, if only they knew.
Oh, well. That's better. Everybody is in a happy mood now, right? No more uncomfortable awkwardness?
I guess everybody forgot that Ianto was along for the ride.
I think Tosh can see what's coming. Gwen is still laughing at the thought of Jack doin' it with aliens.
Lisa he says. Buzzkill!!! He totally trumped Owen with that one.
Nobody's smiling now are they?
Even Owen's impenetrable fortress of snark has been silenced. Jack and Owen glare daggars at Gwen.
Well, since the guys are giving her the evil eye and Tosh is giving her the cold shoulder, Gwen is going to try her very best to apologize, but I'm afraid it's not quite sincere enough for Ianto.
Sorry she's dead, or sorry you mentioned it he says. Actually, Gwen didn't mention it, Ianto did. I'll say it again, I'm sure everybody would have given him a pass when it came to his turn, but Misery loves company, and Ianto is one sad puppy.
And Gwen is at a stammering loss for words and actually admits that the fact that they all killed his girlfriend didn't even cross her mind. I bet she wishes he'd go make them all some coffee right about now.
Ianto's all, 'I see how you are, Gwen.' and then he looks up at her with his wicked grin of deviltry. Without context he looks kind of pleased. Maybe he is...for making everybody feel like crap. Poor Tosh is stuck smack in the middle of them too.
And Gwen, dear Gwen has no idea how to deal with him so she looks around for help and nobody is offering.
Owen's not, and Jack...he just shifts his icy glare from Gwen to Ianto. The boss is not pleased with this situation.
God bless Owen for announcing that it's time to get some firewood. Gwen shoots right up out of her seat and goes to join him.
Ianto watches them go, then looks up at Jack.
No sympathy here. Jack is very, very displeased with him. Whether it's because he brought Lisa up at all, or because Jack was actually the last person he snogged, or a combination of both...up for debate, but there's no doubting that he's highly irritated.
And Ianto backs down for once.
Meanwhile, Gwen is going to argue with Owen about him telling everybody about their snog. She may not have brought up the specifics, but she did start the game. I don't think she has much of a leg to stand on. And Owen, he thinks their kiss was totally awesome.
Owen insults her sex life and Rhys eventually so she throws him up against the nearest tree.
Owen turns the tables.
And talks dirty to her, the specifics are best left out of my descriptive hands, I assure you. She struggles for a minute...
But Owen thinks they'd be Amazing together.
Before Owen can get another Gwen snog under his belt for future awkward camping games...she spots someone creeping around in the bushes.
So it's back to business...which doesn't really look like business, but they don't want to tip their hand. Gwen will go left and Owen will go right. On three.
Gwen finds nobody on her side.
The woodland noises are freaking her out though. So much so that she almost shoots Owen.
We can tell by Gwen's eyes that she has spotted something now.
It's a tarp covering something...so Owen is going to check it out.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Even Owen thinks that shit is pretty disgusting.
On the Plus side it's not Ellie Johnson...on the minus side...EWWWW! Anyway, Owen goes on to describe the victim. A male in his late forties.
The man wasn't killed in that spot, he was brought there. Gwen wants to know why. They obviously weren't trying to bury the guy.
Tosh thinks maybe Owen and Gwen disturbed them. They certainly disturb Tosh.
Ianto thinks maybe it's a warning. They're getting waaaarmer. For some reason he's taping off the crime scene. Wouldn't want it to get contaminated by the copious amounts of spectators out here in nowhereville.
Jack wants to know the cause of death.
There's no way to tell. The body is far too disgusting.
Tosh wonders if it's Weevils. Nope.
Then they all hear the SUV start up and so they run after it. Owen takes a slight pause so he can realize he's the one who left the keys in the car.
And off goes the Torchmobile with all their equipment!
Everybody is going to bitch at Owen for leaving the keys in the car now. Ianto, on the other hand is staring off into the distance, PDA in hand...
Owen blames it on having to carry the gear and having to pitch his tent...so he forgot...he's human.
Turns out the body was a diversion. Not a warning. Jack states the obvious, then he ask Tosh if she can get a tracking signal.
Oops, looks like it's already done. Well, would you look at that, Ianto can do things besides make coffee and clean shit up.
Owen thinks that they were just out to steal the SUV and they're going to drive on...but Ianto quickly corrects that impression. It appears that they are parked.
Gwen has helpfully consulted a map...there is a small village where the Torchmobile has landed.
Tosh thinks this is a trap.
Jack's all, 'Yes, it is. Let's Go!!!'
Owen wants to know why the hell anybody would want to live in a place like this.
As for the SUV, it hasn't moved at all for a whole hour.
Watch, as the team head directly into the fairly obvious trap!
Now watch in creepy psycho vision from this second story window!
Now it's time for Jack to hand out the orders. Lets take bets as to whether anybody is going to follow them: Tonto! Go find the SUV.
Owen and Gwen! Lets go check out the inn! Well, nobody's protesting this plan, so the odds seem to be in Jack's favor this time.
Owen and Gwen are back to their witty repartee. He's pretending to order a drink and that she's a pretty little barmaid. Gwen is not amused, but Owen and Jack are. Oh, boys.
There's money in the Till, so where the hell is everybody?
Jack goes upstairs...Gun waving.
Gwen is with him and they split up to check out the rooms. This disgusting area has flies buzzing all around a dirty, dirty kitchen.
Buzzkill!
Her eyes are at first drawn to the bug zapper, but eventually they land on this particularly horrific sight, now that I've actually paused on it.
Gwen is speechless, then she coughs and heaves...I'm not really sure if she held it in. I know that hamburger would have made a return appearance at this point if I were her.
Jack gets the nearly same expression on his face upon seeing the body.
Now Owen joins the excitement. The only thing he can manage to say is OMG!
Jack hears noises and he and Gwen are outside in a flash...though she's still hacking up a lung, and they've left Owen 'Oh My Godding' upstairs all by himself with a dead body which was killed by something running around this place which set a trap for them...all by himself. Good luck with that, Owen.
Gwen really wants some reassurance from Jack right now, or at least some inkling of what's going on. He, of course, has no inkling of anything, so he just suggests they keep checking out more houses.
House number one: Pools of Blood on the floor.
Oh, and another body, that we are thankfully spared from witnessing.
Gwen wants to know what creature did this, because it surely can't be human. Awww, hi, foreshadowing!
Anyway, Gwen is having a total freak-out now. She thinks she should be at home having lasagna with Rhys...and what is she doing here with Jack? I think the answer to that question is as follows: Jack is an attractive hero, and she yearned for excitement and adventure not lasagna and crowd control. I'm afraid this is what adventure looks like when you work for Torchwood.
Anyway, she demands to know if Jack ever gets scared. Kind of like the 'have you ever loved anybody' question he is totally not answering that. Which means the answer is a big fat yes. He changes the subject back to searching houses and then runs away from her.
Meanwhile, even Owen's emotional strings are being tugged at back in the inn where he is alone while murdering creatures run wild.
He hopes the victim at least put up a good fight.
We'll take a little break from all the eviscerated dead bodies now and catch up with Ianto and Tosh.
Ianto consults the handy PDA and points to where the SUV should be.
Tosh is all, 'can I have my gadget back now, Ianto? What the hell?'
Tosh is thankful that they at least have the PDA since the rest of her stuff was in the SUV. Ianto cracks an actual smile.
Creepy murdering psycho Cam!
Ianto tries the door...because the SUV is inside the house?
They hear the same screaming that Ellie Johnson did the night she was taken. Tosh would like to know what it was.
Ianto thinks it's foxes.
Off to the backyard then!
There's not much dialog here but there's plenty of creepy music to let us know that we should be freaked out. Tosh sure is.
There's more screaming foxes.
and Tosh gets her gun out.
She's so on edge she points the gun at Ianto when he comes ambling leisurely around the other side of the building.
Ianto wanders away from Tosh in search of the SUV.
But as soon as he turns around he realizes that Tosh has disappeared!
He tries yelling for Tosh, but she's nowhere to be found. Ianto is all alone on what is by all accounts his first field expedition. He collects himself and goes to try and find Tosh.
I have nothing to say about this one. I just enjoy it. *pause* Okay, then.
So there's still no Tosh, and Ianto's a bit freaked out, especially when something sweeps past the camera behind him.
Lots of creepy music and heavy breathing from Ianto later, and he's taken out by the bad guys too.
Now that Tonto has been dispatched, we can get back together with Jack and Gwen who are still searching houses.
This door is locked. Ladies first Gwen! She yanks it right off the chain and lets her gaurd down for a split second.
And is promptly shot. Don't worry, she's not dead.
It's only some kid, who is frightened out of his wits.
Jack shouts at him to put the gun down and he does. He only thought they were "Them" come back for him.
Who would that be then? The kid just weeps in response and doesn't reply. Hey, now you know how Gwen feels when you totally ignore her and walk away.
Still not dead.
Owen arrives, surprisingly nobody has shot or captured him in all this time he was hanging out by his lonesome. He even manages to joke with Gwen about her never thinking she'd be happy to see him. Gwen is more concerned with all the pain, so she's just going to scream and writhe about on the table for now.
Owen's mad doctorin' skills flare up.
Well, it could be worse, he says. I don't think Gwen cares right now. Getting shot at all is pretty darn stressful.
The poor kid watches on.
In order to make Gwen feel better he proceeds to describe how much more worse it could have been. Why if only it were an inch the left it could have taken out a liver or something. This does not make Gwen feel better at all.
How about a quip about a small prick? She says no, but it makes her giggle anyway.
And in goes the anesthetic, so he can take the shot gun pellets out. He tells her to just lie back and think about Torchwood while he's doing it. Wow, that would be the first thing I'd want to think about in this situation!
Gwen cannot believe this shit.
As Owen pulls the pellets out of her, Gwen, who has now calmed down quite a bit, gets all handsy with the back of his head.
And all of a sudden Gwen's ultra-personal questions shift to Owen. She wants to know if he misses being a doctor.
I was going to make a note about how he STILL is a Doctor, but Owen goes ahead and tells her for me. He just doesn't deal with patients anymore, which is best for everyone involved really.
Check it out, Gwen! Do you want to keep it in a jar on your mantel at home? Ready for a total off topic tangent: When I had my leg screwed back together after I broke my ankle...they never let me keep the screw when they took it out! How disappointing!
Owen wants Gwen to tell him how good his mad doctorin' skillz are, and she says they're not bad.
Well, that's good enough for Owen. Aww, these two just shared a special moment I think.
And That totally freaks Gwen Out.
Jack rejoins the team and wants to know where the hell Tonto is.
Owen has completely mellowed out from his earlier state of bitchiness and he tells Jack to give them a chance, they might have run into unforeseen circumstances...like a locked door, or guards...
Or a case of DEAD, the kid contributes.
Jack yells at him to sit down and tell them what the crap is going on.
He says that whatever it is is not human...Jack promises that he'll get the kid back home, but the boy is in hysterics and he totally has no faith in these three to help him at all.
The kid wants to barricade the door, but Jack has a better idea. Make base at the pub THEN barricade the door. It's always better to trap yourself in an area with copious amounts of booze after all.
And the world has turned upside down because Owen is suddenly worried about Tosh and Ianto.
Jack doesn't want to do anything until he knows what they're dealing with. (which is code for Jack doesn't know what the hell to do) Sorry, Tonto, you're on your own!
Ahh, you knew the following orders without argument wasn't going to last for long. Owen asks what if they figure it out too late.
They're not Children says Jack. No. Tonto kicks many asses.
Jack makes a move towards Gwen so he can get her to the pub, but Owen gets all territorial and tells him to back off.
Oh, boys. Calm down, she loooooves you both.
Jack runs away and Owen helps Gwen. She insists she can walk on her own but she can't and they just end up like this.
The kid interrupts this precious moment to say that he's sorry about thier friends. He obviously doesn't hold out any hope for poor old Tosh and Ianto.
Speaking of which, here is Ianto, hanging out in a darkened cellar. To occupy his captive time he is playing around with a meat hook. Tosh is just now waking up. Turns out Ianto doesn't like camping either, despite his boyscout-like preparedness and one of Lisa's last memories of them being about a dog pissing on their tent.
Tosh takes a look around with the Torchlight, which does not help with the lighting at all. The only reason Ianto is visible is because of the white shirt for goodness sakes. Anyway, they took the guns but left the meat hooks.
Ianto fears their chances of rescue are small, but Tosh is very confident that they're going to bust out all on their own. She hasn't met a cell she couldn't get out of. Oh, really?
Ianto wants to know if she caught a glimpse of the creatures, but she didn't. She wants to know if he's worried.
He is. Which is an understatement since he's jumpy at only the sound of Tosh's voice. He wonders about the bodies in the woods. Tosh tells him not to think about it.
And she thinks better of telling him about the blood she just stuck her hand in.
Now Ianto's kind of in a similar frame of mind as Gwen was earlier. He goes on about how the rest of them like this crazy shit, and get a rush out of everything going to hell in a hand basket around them.
Tosh is all, 'And your point is?'
Ianto wonders if Tosh ever thinks about how long it'll be until one of them goes mad, or gets killed, or loses a loved one. Hey, Ianto's already ticked two out of three of those boxes, and he's only been a field agent for one day.
Tosh thinks it's worth the risk, because they protect people. Quick, somebody do a cost/benefit analysis!
Ianto wants to know who protects them then!!? Why are they yelling at each other?!!! That's not going to do anybody any good!!!
Well, Tosh doesn't have an answer to that. I guess the yelling did do something, the tension seems to have been slightly resolved, because Tosh declares her hunger with a tiny Tosh smile.
And Mother Hen Ianto is back to tell her that she should have had that hepatitis burger earlier.
Then Tosh spots something on the ground. Oh, my god, no!! It's a random shoe! Run away! Run far, far away!
There are, in fact, dozens of random shoes all over the place.
Ianto stares at them like they are the most horrifying thing ever. Is it possible for him to look more terrified? The episode's only half over folks.
Tosh spots a fridge. That'll put an end to her hunger problem right?
But she slams the door almost as soon as she opens it. Hmm, doesn't look like she wants to eat whats in there.
Ianto catches sight of Tosh's shocked expression and really wants to know what is in the fridge now. She tries her best to stop him, but he's a lot bigger than her and dammit, he wants to know!
The quest to know everything does have it's disadvantages.
It's feets!
Tosh is explaining that these refrigerated body parts must have come from the corpse in the woods and others like it. This exposition is not very reassuring for Ianto.
Back at the Pub Owen is still very worried about Tosh and Ianto. Jack is wondering why they're still discussing it at all since Tosh and Ianto are adults who can take care of themselves. The kid is their first priority.
Even though they are miles away from the hub, Gwen has found herself a board to write shit on.
Owen is now mad at Gwen because she should be resting...All she wants to do is help, man. Give her a break.
Jack assumes that everybody gone missing has been killed. Owen assumes that rift is dumping aliens and psychos everywhere. You know what they say about assuming guys, right?
Sometimes I feel like somebody's watching me....
Torchwood gets their guns and prepares to defend the poor boy who is asleep cradling his shotgun.
Gwen thinks it's the aliens come back to get him. Jack tells her not to jump to conclusions. Right, so the guys get to but not Gwen?
Power cut! Owen doesn't think it's a good sign. Hey, power out is never, ever a good sign.
It tries the front door, and Owen has a rainbow on his head.
Apparently the kids name is Kieran. I don't know if I missed it earlier while Jack was screaming at him or what. Anyway, Gwen tells him to join them away from the doors and windows.
Having failed the frontal attack, the creature tries the cellar door. For some reason Jack isn't all that fussed.
Hey! These aliens have guns! and with the additional distraction over by the cellar they manage to grab Kieran and retreat.
Gwen instantly wants to go after the kid, but Jack has many sensible reasons for why this is a totally stupid idea.
Gwen does not listen to one of them. She screams at Jack that he can go question the thing he shot in the basement or whatever and she and Owen will go after the others, bullet wounds be damned!!!
Alright, then. Good luck with that, Gwen. Owen has no say in the matter, but since he's all up in Gwen's business this episode I doubt he'd argue to stay behind anyway.
Meanwhile, Tonto are trying desperately to figure out a way to get past the door.
Ianto tries the desperately kicking at it method, which doesn't work very well...but coincidentally someone on the outside just comes by and opens it.
Hey, it's a random lady who does a very, very good job at acting like she's a poor victim herself we'll come to find. She's got a shotgun and Ianto tries to get it away, but I'll be damned if she doesn't manage to kick his ass to ground.
Tosh has taken up meat hook duties.
The woman is worried about them being injured and claims to be a nurse. She gets a little too close to Ianto and he effin' HISSES at her. That's right, don't corner a Ianto, he bites.
As far as anybody knowing they're down there and if they've managed to call for help? They don't need any help! Way to exude confidence we didn't know you had, Tosh.
She says that she can't help. She's in the same boat as them and she'll get killed if she doesn't deliver them to the bad guys.
Tosh tries to claim they can help...but according to the lady here nobody is safe, every ten years there is a harvest.
Ianto tries for the gun again, but that's a no. It's off to the harvest with them. What was that Jack was saying about Tosh and Ianto being able to handle themselves? Seems like this is a mighty fine pickle they've gotten themselves into here.
Right, so, we rejoin Jack where the team has left him all by himself to face the alien threat here. It's okay, the thing is wounded and he can't die, right? There's all sorts of disgusting things in jars down there...like pickled kidneys, jellied spleens, and the like.
And y'know, this mustachioed dude in the corner who begs for Jack's help.
First Jack wants to know if he's the attacker...but the dude is not going to answer that because, who would admit to being a killer? I mean, besides Ianto? Also, the guy thinks he's dying.
So Jack just throws the guy up on the table, applies a tourniquet to his leg, explains that it will help, all with his 'angry' face on.
See. He's not some kind hearted soul, he just wants the guy alive long enough to talk...
Dude laughs, which is so not the desired response. He thinks it's utterly hilarious that Team Torchwood hasn't figured it all out yet.
Ooo, sharing time. Jack removes the tourniquet...because the dude needs to know something, Jack used to torture people
Now Jack has the effect he's going for since the dude is writhing in agony.
So talk says Jack.
Awww, they're trying to keep us all in suspense here. Before the dude says anything we cut to Gwen and Owen. Gwen is really not fit to be doing anything right now, Owen's got to prop her up.
Oh, yeah! Police, this is good, right? Gwen tells Owen to let her doing the talking.
The cop asks who they are and Gwen is all 'Special-Ops! Torchwood!' The cop is totally clueless as to what that means. Like the rift, nobody knew Torchwood spread out that far.
Gwen asks about a light that she spies in the distance over the cop's shoulder. It's the town meeting apparently
Gwen and Owen run past him towards the meeting at the big house. Why? I have no clue.
And Tosh and Ianto have arrived at their destination.
Tosh offers help to the poor woman who is forced to send people to the slaughter against their will. Mmmmhmmm.
Tosh smells something funny, so she and Ianto take a gander behind the plastic curtains of doom.
They find a bunch of body parts in jars, and full on bodies tied up and hung upside down from the ceiling...I'll just let Ianto's face sum up how horrifying and disgusting it is.
Tosh demands to know what the creatures look like that did this. Really? C'mon, guys, figure it out!
This guy wants to know how they are supposed to look.
Oh, hey, look who was in on it from the start?
Well, Ianto is in somewhat of a state right now. Ultimately he decides one more time to try and take these people out while they're distracted with the tonsil hockey.
But the dude drops him like a sack of potatoes and then there was Tosh.
Ianto gets the cuffs...again, not in the way I would like to imagine.
Ma and Pa Cannibal here are discussing how tasty team Torchwood are going to be.
And now we know where Kieran disappeared to.
Ianto gets his hair pulled, which can't happen often enough as far as I'm concerned.
Tosh wants to know who the kid is, since she wasn't there for the whole Gwen getting shot thing. All he is to Pa though, is MEAT.
Isn't that totally hilarious, Ianto?
Hey, we're all meat! How reassuring.
Ianto tells Tosh to get ready to run. Somewhere between his desperate attempts at escape and slack jawed buggy eyed horror, he has developed some kind of plan to get them the hell out of there.
Tosh wants to know if they're going to be put on meat hooks like the others.
Of course not, that wold be silly. First the meat has to be tenderized. Duh.
Ellie Johnson's baseball bat ought to do the trick. Oh, man is this guy ever creepy. He licks his lips at Tosh. She is now the one who is frightened out of her mind...
And Ianto, who has become considerably more calm is the one one with the plan. He gives her the nod of, 'let's put it into action.
Dude Checks out the goods. (These past two caps don't match up with my captions, but hey! Tosh! I'm too tired to figure out where I went wrong)
The grin of deviltry returns full force, and before the cannibal dude knows what is happening, Ianto head-butts his ass into submission long enough for Tosh to scramble out of the building.
Ianto, however, is not so lucky. He gets caught and then gets the crap kicked out of him before Mr. Cannibal sets off after Tosh.
And Just in case Ianto wasn't immobile enough, Ma here decides to whack him in the head with the butt of her shotgun, and it's lights out for Ianto.
Meanwhile Tosh is trying to hid from Mr. Cannibal.
He tries to flush her out, and is standing right above where she's hiding, but she stays silent and he walks away laughing, with this big ass grin on his face. I'm betting he just loves the hunt.
and he's good at it apparently, because he's tricked Tosh into thinking she has the all clear, but he's right there waiting for her when she makes a break for it.
He doesn't think anybody is coming to save her. Like Tosh says though, she doesn't need any help. She kicks him in the nads and she's off again like a jackrabbit. Mr. cannibal actually manages to give chase after he takes a moment to recover..
Unfortunately she trips, and Mr. C is done with all the games, so he's going to strangle her now.
Owen to the rescue! He commands Mr. C to let go or he'll shoot, but, someone who eats people isn't exactly firing on all cylinders to begin with so he doesn't. Owen kicks him away eventually.
Gwen, with her Oh so beating heart, takes care of Tosh, who tells her about all the villagers being murder. There we go making assumptions again.
Even under Owen's foot, Mr. C is all intimidating, commanding him to put the gun down and all. Owen doesn't find that
Look, it's the Cop. Remember him? Gwen's all, 'You can arrest the psycho now, okay?' Mr. C does not seem worried at all. Both of them laugh.
Gwen does not think this joke is very funny.
Because Mr. C, is the friendly neighborhood law enforcement's uncle. Right, so it's a whole entire family of cannibals?
Oh, my gosh! Gwen has her gun on the cop, he has his gun on Owen, Owen has his gun on Mr. C...what is going to happen? Where is Jack? Is Ianto still getting tenderized, or is he Ianto steaks by now?
Gwen is pretty enraged. There's a lot of talk about shooting somebody, but nobody is shooting anybody.
Finally Gwen gives up the gun. All of team Torchwood has now been captured, except for captain Jack.
More Fresh Meat!
There's a bunch more people at the house now, and Tosh wants to know who they are. Mrs. C introduces them to the village and Gwen...she thinks the villagers are all dead.
Nope, says Tosh. The whole village is full of cannibals.
Own returns to bitching about the countryside...'cos that's the only place you will find spree murdering villages full of cannibals.
The villagers think team Torchwood is hilarious, with their attempted escapes, and blind terror, and smart mouths.
Even in extreme times of stress you will find Gwen's powers at work...First Tosh, now poor Kieran (who shot her)
Tosh wants to know where her pal Ianto is.
Ah, there he is. Bound, Gaged, Bag over his head, and Unconscious.
Team Torchwood = Speechless.
Ianto wakes up just in time to hear plans for his impending exanguination, but Just before he gets a cleaver to his throat the entire house starts to shake, the sound of an engine is heard...Mr. C abandons his task and runs to see what the trouble is...Gwen grabs hold of Ianto.
The Cannibal crew stands at attention.
Jack Harkness busts in on the tractor that you may or may not have noticed from when they first arrived in the village. Then he shoots everybody...well, at least somebody knows how to pull the trigger when there are psycho murdering cannibals running rampant.
Oh my Gosh! What will happen to Gwen? Will she get some much needed bed rest? Who will take care of her bullet riddled abdomen? Perhaps a bloody brilliant doctor? Read Part 2 and find out...like you haven't watched it already. Ha!
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