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It's a Small World, After all

Torchwood
Episode 5 Series 1
Small Worlds

So, after all the insanity from Cyberwoman we'll go ahead and take a turn for the nonsensical, starting with an old lady wandering around in the woods taking notes on her tape record. She's searching for something...

these are aliens, right? RIGHT?

Either way, she seems pretty happy about it, and documents the event for posterity with her camera.

The creepy music going on lets us know that there is something more sinister than cute little pixies going on here...also the fact that they morph into people-size hideous CGI beasts is a clue.

The hub is deserted...so it must be very late at night.

Jack is down in the manhole, ready for the 21st century to change.

Or not, because I do believe the man is sleeping. He is asleep. The man sleeps, look at him!

And having some scary nightmares because he's tossing and turning....and, yeah, I just want as many shirtless caps of Jack in this recap as I can get. What of it?

We also get to see the nightmare. It's in sepia. There's Jack back in the times before the war.

And his troops all dead with their mouths stuffed full of rose petals. Is this not making enough sense for you yet?

Jack wakes up, because who wants to hang around in a nightmare anyway?

He's a bit rattled about those rose petals when he crawls out of the hole.

So when he spies a random petal on his desk...he's kinda freaked out. I wonder what the Gauze bandages are for?

Speaking of totally random things...

Jack tells Ianto that he shouldn't be there.

Neither should you says Ianto. Anyway, this is totally awkward, so Ianto's going to pretend to be working now.

Aaaand the infamous hand on the shoulder. Well, things seem to have returned back to normal since the last time we saw these two in this close a proximity. Ianto has returned to having free reign over the hub at all hours of the night, and Jack is completely oblivious as to why exactly he's there. (he is homeless). All is right with the world again.

Sooo, what's Ianto working on that has kept him around the hub so late? He's monitoring weather patterns.

The weather patterns are "Funny Looking" according to Ianto. Jack seems to know what this means.

Later that afternoon in the outside world where Torchwood isn't involved whatsoever, there's some pervy guy hanging out outside a school.

amd These two have forgotten to pick their kid up.

There she is, getting her poor braids yanked on by some bitches.

Some kind lady introduces us to the little girl. Her name is Jasmine, and ROY is supposed to be picking her up. The older woman kind of looks irritated, so I'm sure this has happened before.

And Jasmine is left alone again so she decides she's going to walk.

Fairy Cam! The creep in the car has caught up to Jasmine and he tells her that her mum asked him to pick her up. Eww. Jasmine thankfully isn't that stupid and walks on.

But he is a giant man and she's a little girl so...what now?

Some funny weather kicks up and blows the guy around until he smacks his face on the car. Creepy voices beckon the human child to come away with them and Jasmine is quite pleased.

She skips away home.

Elsewhere in fairyvision Jack has taken Gwen on a field trip...an invitation from an old friend.

It's a lecture on Fairies! By the tone of Gwen's voice...well, I don't think she takes much stock in fairies.

Jack grins at her and in they go.

Hey, it's the old lady from the beginning! She's lecturing to about three people not counting Jack and Gwen.
She's telling all about her fairy hunting experiences.

Gwen has been there about half a minute and is already bored out her mind. Jack shushes her groaning.

Jack shakes his head and smile's at the lecturer's enthusiasm.

She uses words like lucky and and privileged and magical when describing her experience.

Gwen snorts laughter. Hello? A little respect? The boss dragged you here and he doesn't seem to think this is funny at all.

She describes the fairies as friendly loving creatures even though they are shy, and that's the end of the slide show!

She always gets it wrong says Jack.

Later Jack and who we now know as Estelle, because Jack just said so discuss the pictures and where they were taken. Gwen watches the clock and looks bored out her mind. Where's all the inquisitive interest and mind probing questions? Right, right, that only happens when she wants to know something about Jack's personal life.

Like for instance when Jack lets out a sigh she instantly wants to know what's wrong. Estelle tells her that she and Jack disagree on the whole Fairy situation.

Jack thinks Fairies are bad. All of them.

Estelle refuses to believe that they're all bad.

One person's good could be somebody else's evil says the peanut gallery. Kind of like Torchwood?

That's what Jack's father used to say says Estelle. Oh, no...that's way too much intel for Cooper's ears.

Jack says nothing, he only looks fondly at Estelle as she recounts how totally awesome the fairies were dancing around in the woods.

Jack wants to see if Estelle has any more photos. At home she does. So that's where they're going now.

Gwen exhibits some sideways rolly eyes of doom. Either she's so done with this fairy nonsense, or she doesn't like to see Jack bein' all cute with Estelle.

While they're off to Estelle's house, we'll catch up with our friendly neighborhood pedophile. Yech. He's still got a nose bleed and is now walking down the street, completely freaked out about what happened earlier.

Off to the market. He's hearing things, like flappy wings and childish giggling and such.

Which is no wonder, because he's got some fairies after him. they attack.

And now he's puking up rose petals.

He grabs the nearest PC and begs for help.

So he gets arrested.

Back at Jasmine's house, she's got some internal rolly eyes going on. She's totally in trouble for walking home from school instead of waiting for Roy.

She pulls the 'You're not my dad' card on Roy.

Roy tells her to just listen to her mother. And what has Mother got to say? It's too dangerous to walk home on your own so don't do it. Jasmine says it's alright because nobody can hurt her. She's got fairies on her side.

Meet Moses. Estelle's kitty cat. Gwen introduces herself but he doesn't seem interested in shaking hands right now.

So Jack's going to delve into the pictures that Estelle took that night. Estelle's going to put Moses outside.

Gwen's going to take a gander at the pictures on the mantle

Warning, warning: Too much intel!!!

Yes, Gwen, it's Jack. He can't die, he's in the really old picture on Estelle's fireplace, She knows his father. Do the math.

She shows Jack the picture, and he tells her it's his dad and that he and Estelle were quite an item once upon a time. Inseparable even.

So why'd they part? Gwen does not put two and two together.

It was war, he was abroad, she stayed. He doesn't age...

More of Jack and Estelle.

Oh, c'mon. She must know he's lying his ass off. For a con-man he's not that good at it.

Jack goes back to the fairy pictures.

Gwen hates fairies so she's going out into the garden to talk to Estelle.

I mean, Jack's personal life is FAR more interesting than the job he dragged her out here for. She wants to know if Jack errr "Jack's father" came back after the war.

Nope. They lost touch. Why do you want to know that Cooper?

Gwen evades the question with another question: Have they ever all been in the same place?

Nope. Like Bruce Wayne and Batman, or Clark Kent and and Superman...Jack and Jack's father have never been seen in the same room together.

Seems Jack contacted her out of the blue one day. Surprise! He's so much like his dad too. Because he is the same person and all. Yes, Gwen, he is lying to you. Believe it, or not!

Estelle hopes he's still alive even though Jack (who is now standing at the back door) doesn't want to talk about it.

Well, now's as good a time as any to interrupt Gwen's inquisition. He tells Estelle to call him if she sees the creatures again. He's very concerned for her safety.

and Yes, Gwen is satisfied that she has it all figured out now.

And this is the last time Jack will see Estelle alive.

Jack says that Estelle is a country girl at heart, and she shouldin't be living in the city so Interrogatory Gwen naturally wants to know all about Jack and Estelle. Like when do they meet up, only when she sees the fairies?

Thankfully the discussion moves onto fairies entirely. Jack doesn't call them that but they don't have any other name. They're something mysterious from the dawn of time....OoooooooooOoooooowaaaaooooo.

So are they aliens or what? No, they're even worse than that because they're part of OUR world that they know nothing about. This is code for mystical nonsense that makes no flipping sense whatsoever. Somehow Jack manages to look a bit wistful about it. Gwen, like the rest of us, is totally confused.

What all this massive amounts of exposition boils down to is that fairies are evil and dangerous. Moving swiftly on then.

Meanwhile little Jasmine has crept away to play in the woods and Roy wonders why she doesn't have any friends like all the other little kids. He thinks there is something wrong with her. Mom defends the poor kid.

Roy seems to think because she doesn't watch TV or read books that she has major mental problems.

anyway, nothing wrong with this kid. She's just playing with the fairies.

And they want her to come away with them.

Oh, my gosh. We're back in the board room where we are going to discuss fairies ad nauseum. Ianto serveth the refreshments.

Tosh explains the Cottingley Fairies Why? Who the hell knows.

Ianto blames it on the magic mushrooms. Jack says that what he does in private is none of their business...which is startlingly hilarious coming hot on the heels of the previous episode.

Fake! Says Gwen. We've already established that she's a nonbeliever and fairies totally bore her.

Owen has to argue with Gwen, because that is what Owen and Gwen do. That and make out in cold storage, but seriously Owen, did you even LOOK at the photographs?

Jack wants to know how Gwen knows so much about this fairy business since she was so very interested at the lecture that morning. She wrote an essay in school that's how.

Well, fine miss smarty pants.

Owen thinks this is totally lame.

Well the Cottingley ladies admitted they were fakes, so there.

Oh, my gosh. blablabla....Soooo, Estelle's photos were taken in this freaky place that nobody likes to go. It's been this way since ancient times.

Tosh has had no reports of any sightings.

There will be no sightings because they are magical creatures that are invisible and mysterious and shit. Ummm, didn't Estelle sight them????

Anyway they mess with the weather, so set up the Torchwood Doppler radar and monitor that business.

So their machines can't pick them up? Gwen wonders. The less work involved the better, right?

Nope, nothing can. Dun...Dun...DUNNNN.

Hey, let's catch up with creepmaster flash here. He's ranting and raving about the creatures that are after him. He just wants the cops to keep him safe.

He wants them to lock him up so he admits to being a pedophile. Job done. Into the cell you go.

So Jack and Gwen and Owen (That's Owen hiding behind Gwen) are off to investigate the woods where Estelle saw her fairies. Gwen's done with that for now so we're going to go back to Jack's personal life.

So Estelle's never seen the pair of them together says Gwen. Isn't that hilarious!! I wish she'd just beat it out of him and get this speculative questioning over with already.

I don't think Jack really wants to talk about it right now.

The Fairies are alert.

Gwen is totally not impressed by the stones or lay lines or anything mysterious like that.

Jack has had quite enough of her doubting ways. He wants to know why she keeps looking for pesky explanations for stuff when he keeps telling her that it's dangerous and unexplainable creatures from the beginning of time. That should totally be enough to satiate her curiosity.

That's what police work is about she says.

Jack tells her it's not police work

Okay then, how about Science. It's sciency right?

No! It's not that either apparently.

Yeah, yeah. It's that "corner of the eye" bullshit.

Conveniently something catches the corner of her eye just as she says this.

This guy again. Can't we just let him rot in his cell for the rest of eternity?

Oh, noes!

It's a fairy!

The cops hear screaming and they've had quite enough of this guy's shenanigans for one day.

At the house of Jasmine her mother hears the little girl talking to herself so she checks up on her.

Jasmine knows enough not to admit talking to fairies to her mother.

Like talking to herself is any better. Oh, well. In any case, Mum us just happy to hear her laughing again.

For some reason Torchwood has been called in to this murder mystery, or maybe the funny sort of weather patterns kicked up again and they just showed up on their own. Who the hell knows.

The guard tells Jack about how the guy was going on about shadows chasing him and being choked. Tosh pops up to inform us that nobody in the other cells were affected.

Hey, creepo has a name. It's Mark Goodson. And Tosh's medical opinion is that he was asphyxiated, but nobody choked him because there is no bruising on the neck or anywhere. Hey, um...so, where is the doctor???

So, he suffocated alone in a locked cell then?

That's totally what Tosh just said. Thanks Gwen.

Gwen reaches into his mouth with the tweezers and pulls out...Yes, that is a rose petal, not, like, his tongue or anything which is what it kind of looks like right here.

So what does that mean? Any ideas Jack?

Tosh is grossed out because this makes no sense at all.

Anyway, Tosh says she's never seen anything like it.
Jack says he has. Oh, yay! Sharing time!

Or not. Cut to Estelle having a seance or something. What the heck is she doing?

Oh, great. She's summoning the fairies. Didn't Jack tell her not to do that? I guess it's not surprising since nobody listens to him.

But she hears the creepy frightening noise, and doesn't seem so excited about it anymore.

She goes to the kitchen to investigate and sees this. This is not the happy dancing fairies she saw in the woods. Nope. It breaks in her kitchen window! Why? Why must they attack poor defenseless old ladies. Stupid fairies, I hate you.

Meanwhile, Hey, did you guys know that Mr. Goodson here was a Pedophile who used to hang around schoolyards? Yes, we did, because we've been following along with him the entire episode.

That's nice. So why the rose petals?

Why the hell not? They work don't they?

Jack tells Gwen that's how the creatures have fun. They torment and they kill and it's all a fun little game for them. Gwen's all, why, why, why.... The answer is BECAUSE! Stop looking for rational explanations in this totally irrational episode please. You're wasting time.

Okay, I'm just taking my frustrations out on my recap. *Deep calming breath.*

Now, Jack is explaining that the fairies are warning people, or punishing them, because they take care of their own (the "Chosen Ones" and Jack is the worlds foremost expert on fairies for some reason.

Children and the spirit world go together like peanut butter and Jelly.

Tosh is all, 'What the fuck is he talking about' How are we supposed to go about stopping these spiritual creatures.

First: Find out who the chosen one is.

And then? Well, we can't trap them because they control the elements. Jack gives us a little recap on what the elements are: Air, Water, Fire, Earth.

Sometimes he thinks they are part MARA Which are "Malignant Wraiths."

Thankfully Estelle has called to save me from all this exposition. I feel like I'm writing an essay on folklore and spiritualism here.

The poor girl is frightened to death of the fairies now.

Jack tells her not to go anywhere near the fairies and that they'll be right there. I tell you what, he should just start telling people the opposite of what he wants them to do. It might work better for everyone involved.

Because as soon as she's off the phone with Jack, she's out the door to rescue her cat, Moses, whom the fairies are messing with. Oh, Estelle, poor, Estelle, it's called a TRAP and Moses is the bait.

The fairies lock her outside, and it starts to rain.

Tosh spots the weather above Estelle's house as team Torchwood drives along in their SUV.

See Moses is totally fine.

And Estelle drowns in the rain while the fairies laugh. I hate you fairies!

Jack and the team arrive on the scene too late.

She drowned says Owen.

Jack closes her eyes and cradles Estelle in his arms. The rest of the team respectfully leaves the area, except for one of them. Gee, I wonder who?

So Jack's sitting there crying.

And now is the time Gwen chooses to let him know that she knows that it was him that was in love with Estelle not his "Dad".

Well, he's not going to lie about it now. He and Estelle once made a vow that they'd be with each other till they died, Jack says. This is totally sad and senseless. Stupid Fairies, Stupid cat. Grrrr.

Anyway, I guess we have the answer to whether or not Jack has ever loved anybody. Goodbye Estelle.

Jack stands up and steadies himself and announces that he needs a drink. And he doesn't mean water.

Back in the hub Gwen and Jack have a little heart to heart. She wants to know all about Estelle, and since Jack's not lying about it anymore, he's going to share, also he's pourin' down the scotch.

They met in London. At the Astoria ballroom just before Christmas. Awwww.

She was Seventeen, and beautiful. It was love at first sight.

But it was war time and nothing lasted back then, not to mention that Jack doesn't age, so that might have gotten a bit suspicious after a while.

Gwen listens patiently and surprisingly does not pound him with a billion questions.

Poor Estelle to have to die like that. It's horrible. Yes it is. Bottoms up.

About the questions? Never mind. Gwen wants to know where Jack had seen the rose petals before.

It was long before the war...a helpful caption tells us that it was in Lahore in 1919 on a train.

Everybody was laughing and having a good time. 15 men in all.

And Jack was in charge.

apparently everybody was too happy and too noisy for the fairies...
Because they enter a tunnel, hear what they think is birds...then SILENCE...

When they came out of the tunnel all his men were dead.

But Whyyyyyyy!

Jack takes a fortifying sip of scotch before continuing...A couple of his men had taken a truck into a village and ran over a kid...a Chosen one.

Speaking of Chosen ones. Jasmine is enjoying a little fairy time in the middle of the night.

Jasmine's mom hears the fairy noises and goes to investigate. Luckily she slams the door before they can get her.

Later, Rhys is gossiping about work and a special stapler or something which Gwen has no patience to listen to.

And they step into their living room, which is totally trashed!

Hey! Remember those rocks Gwen was so unimpressed with earlier? Take that, Skeptic!

The next morning Jasmine would rather go play in the garden than hang out her mom and Roy's party. Who wouldn't at that age?

Mom decides that Roy is right, and Jasmine is spending way too much time in the garden. He promises to put a stop to it.

So Roy tries to talk to Jasmine about what she's going to do when the Garden gets blocked off and she dutifully ignores him while the fairies watch on.

Then he says it's no wonder her dad left when she was a baby because he must have seen what was coming. Oh, my god, what an asshole! Who says that to a little girl?

Jasmine waves to the fairies as she gets into the car and Roy wants to know what the heck that is all about.

Jasmine says she was just waving at her friends and Roy tells her she doesn't have any friends. Aaaasssshole.

At school some girls are following Jasmine and making fun of her. Then they push her over. Bitches!

Jasmine claims she doesn't know who pushed her.

Over at Gwen's flat she's bitching about how she's never had to bring work home with her before. Welcome to Torchwood, Gwen.

Jack wanders around the place looking at the snapshots of Gwen's totally normal outside life.

Gwen is scared of the fairies now. She wants to know what chance any of them stand against these creatures.

Like Jack knows. He just shakes his head at her.

That is so not helping.

Gwen tries to be a little proactive then, asking about the chosen ones that Jack seems to know so much about.

Jack is standing there fondling the rocks and back to totally ignoring her questions, so she screams at him to tell her.

All the fairies were children once from different moments in time he says.

Seems they were part of the lost lands. Why the crap does he even know that?

HUH???? I have to say I'm with Gwen on this one all the way. Jack tells her the lost lands basically = Fairyworld, or whatever.

This nonsense is getting them nowhere so Gwen asks why they are here exactly. The next chosen one. That's what they want.

Speak of the devil. There she is.

The mean girls think Jasmine is a tattle tale even though they heard with their own ears that she didn't.

So now they're going to beat her up! Geeez. Poor Jasmine.

It's fairies to the rescue though!

Back at the hub Jack wants Gwen to check on all unexplained deaths in the area, and Tosh wants to know the weather forecast.

Ianto knows, because...well, it's Ianto. Long sunny spells he says. The weather is a very serious matter.

So what's with this crazy weather happening at Coed y Garreg Primary School?

The wind is going to blow the mean girls away while Jasmine laughs at them.

At they hub they all scurry to get to the School, except for Ianto. He has to stay and make coffee and clean up shit.

Meanwhile all the kids run for the hills and Jasmine stands there without a hair on her head out of place.

Roy has fenced off the back garden so Jasmine can't play down there anymore. He looks quite pleased with himself. Way to take away a sad and lonely little girl's only happiness.

Torchwood is here!

The team heads inside, but Gwen veers off on her own, which is always a good idea. She hears the fairy noises and sprints back to the group.

The teacher explains to them how the winds came on so suddenly.

Gwen rejoins Jack and tells him that she saw the fairs...and the teacher, she explains about how Jasmine was unaffected by the wind.

So Jasmine is the chosen one then. Yep says Jack.

Hey, it's an anniversary party! Roy and Lynn, five years together.

In the kitchen Mom and Jasmine bond together.

Mom wants to know if Jasmine was scared at school, but no, she had fun. And what of the friends that she waved to this morning? Roy didn't see them.

Because they were in the trees says Jasmine. Mom looks concerned. She wants to know if it's one of Jasmine's games. Jasmine says no.

When Mom asks Jasmine tells her that they're just friends. And why not invite them to the party? They don't like parties. Mom isn't surprised if they live in trees.

They don't live in trees, says Jasmine. They can be anywhere and everywhere.

Mom says, HUH?

Mom is suspicious now and she wants to know how Jasmine met these friends who can be everywhere.

They said they'd always look after me says Jasmine.

Mom doesn't know what to do with this strange information so they just take thier appetizers out to the party.

Roy and Mom chat with the party guests who want to know when they're going to get married.

Jasmine heads straight for the back garden and throws a little tantrum when she meets the fence.

Jasmine kicks Roy in the shin when he arrives to pry her away from the fence, then she takes a chomp out of his arm.

So he smacks her and calls her a bitch! what a Jerk!

The sound of thunder distracts him.

And he's back to the party guests, hiding his bitten hand in his pocket.

Mom wants to know where Jasmine is but Roy doesn't really care. He's going to give a big speech now.

Lynn is not only his partner, but his rock and his best friend. Heh, if only he wasn't a total jerk to her kid. Then I might feel bad for what's about to happen.

He announces that they are looking forward to children of their own, and this does not please Jasmine at all.

The fairies materialize.

what have fairies got against barbecue grills?

And Jasmine is fairly pleased with the carnage. Torchwoood arrives and is too blurry to capture, but they usher people out the side door.

Roy, on the other hand is not so lucky. He's kind of trapped, and he's defending his beer with his life.

And that is the end of Roy as the fairy shoves rose petals down his throat.

Jasmine thinks this is funny.

Now it's going to attack Jack.

So Gwen tackles him to the ground and the fairy lets go. Well, this saves him the trouble of having to explain his death defying abilities to the rest of the team for now at least.

Roy is dead, Lynn is screaming her head off. Poor girl.

Jasmine's all, 'eff you Torchwood' and heads away to the woods.

Again, poor Lynn. Roy may have been a jerkface to Jasmine, but she loved him.

While Lynn is crying and Tosh and Owen are looking on helplessly, Jack and Gwen have gone off to try and save little Jasmine. Do you know you walk in the forest she says without turning around.

Jack approaches with caution, and Jasmine tells them that she'd like to stay in the very old mystical forest.

You can see this forest asks Jack. Yep says Jasmine, and Jack is all, 'but it's not here.' Gwen is looking around wondering what the heck they are talking about because it looks like they're in a pretty wooded area as it is.

Jack tries to convince her that it is just an illusion, but Jasmine disagrees.

Then he tries to convince the fairies that the real forest can't come back I assume he's talking about the mysterious Lost lands, and you can tell he's not talking to Jasmine because he's looking around at the tree tops and talking really really loudly.

Yes it can, she says. When they take her there.

Gwen wants to know if she got this info from the fairies, and what about Mum? Jasmine totally does not want to stay with Mum.

Jack tries to tell the fairies that Jasmine isn't sure she wants to go and Jasmine's all, 'yes, I am am.' So he just grabs her and tells the fairies to leave her alone.

Gwen looks on nervously. She's totally afraid of the fairies Now.

And Jack tells them to find another chosen one. Well, that's not going to solve anything is it? That's just going to move the problem out of his jurisdiction.

The fairies tell jack that the child belongs with them now. Jack insists that Jasmine belongs 'here'. The fairies say no. She lives for ever.

I don't really think that's the key to convincing him to let Jasmine go, fairies. Living forever is a total suckfest for Jack.

Meanwhile, Tosh and Owen try to hold back Lynn but she's in hysterics and goes all limp on them.

Suppose, for the sake of argument, that they force Jasmine to stay.

People are going to die says Jasmine.

Gwen wants to know if the fairies told her that and Jasmine said that they promised.

Jasmine announces that the fairies are going to start the massacre with her school, just like they killed Roy, and creepy Mark and Estelle.

Gwen wants to know how Jasmine knows these things.

Jasmine ingores her, she lets them know that there's some storms coming if she and the fairies don't get what they want.

She's talking apocalypse here. What to do, Jack? What to do?

He asks if the child won't be harmed. Gwen is aghast. I suppose because she didn't just hear what Jasmine said about turning the world to ice and destroying every living thing on the planet.

Nope, she lives forever.

Jasmine threatens to destroy the world again, and Jack wants to know what good is that going to do...there can't be anymore chosen ones if the world is dead after all. Jasmine's voice gets all fairy like and she tells him that they'll just find chosen ones back in time.

Gwen watches on in disbelief.

As Jack sends Jasmine off to the great beyond...err, lost lands.

Gwen tries to stop Jasmine now, and Jack has to hold her back, because giving her up is the only chance they've got against the creatures.

Jasmine says thank you.

And you thought this job was thankless? Heh. Jack doesn't look to pleased about it though. What a crappy decision to have to make.

Mom arrives just in time to watch Jasmine skip away and disappear.

Lynn calls out for Jasmine but she's gone already, and this heartless bastard looks like he's about to cry again.

The team watches on as the grief stricken mother takes her anger all out on Jack. She just lost her boyfriend and her daughter to some mysterious evil fairies all in one day.