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Torchwood
Season 2 Episode 13
Exit Wounds
It is only fitting that the end of series two begin with some ends.
Tosh is registering, no, not the sea...Rift activity in strategic places around the city. The Police station, the hospital, and the Central Server.
Gwen gets a call from Andy, who, judging by the bloodstains on the wall behind him, isn't lying when he says that they're in trouble over at the station. Whether or not it's Gwen that they need...well that's another story. She says she'll be right over though.
Gwen wonders if this isn't all that John characters fault.
And since everybody with a brain has already figured this out a week ago Jack kind of ignores her and hands out assignments. Gwen, former PC...to the Police Station. Owen, Bloody Brilliant Doctor, to the Hospital...Ianto and Tosh, people with injured extremities who are also good with computers...to the server, and Jack? To the Hub!
Tosh Reminds Jack that this is totally a big fat trap with a capital T, and Jack takes this into consideration before stating that he knows, and everybody should be careful. Because last time they knowingly set foot into a trap the entire team almost got eaten by cannibals, so they have a great track record with this kind of plan already.
Meanwhile, Rhys wonders how they're all going to fit inside of his car. I really wish we got the shot of them all piled in there.
Jack has made it to the hub only to find this:
His psycho ex dancing around to "I lost my Heart to a Starship Trooper." He wants Jack to sing along since it's their Song.
If we had a song it wouldn't be this song, says Jack. And like I said when I first watched this...catchy pop music = portent of dooom in the Doctor Who Universe.
Anyway, I'm sure John is dropping hints and warnings right from the start...the Bombs were prototypes he was testing a theory...my theory is that the theory was that they wouldn't in fact kill anybody. He asks after the Team, and he wants Jack to know that he loves him, and that he must understand that he loves him.
And Jack's not buying into this at all. He's pretty much convinced that John is an irredeemable sociopath at this point, or he probably thought that well before now...
John utters one more I love you, before letting Jack have it with two barrels.
Jack is dead again (what's with the birdcage?) and John let's us know that its going to get nasty, as if it weren't bad enough already.
Now we'll check in on Gwen who has made it to the police station, where Andy fills her in. There were some wild alien beasts rampaging through the place killing the four most (Foremost?) senior officers...that's why he called Gwen, the things weren't human and nobody knows what to do.
Rhys is there too, by the way, and Andy, tells him he can't enter this confidential crime scene lest word gets out and the people panic. Crowd control must be in Andy's blood.
And Rhys asserts that he won't tell because he's become an airtight fortress of secrets.
Like what? Says Andy, and Rhys is more than happy to tell him about a Time Agency based in Cardiff, which isn't even in Cardiff and doesn't even exist yet.
Anyway, Gwen takes a peep at our marauding aliens. It's a pack of Weevils and she quickly subdues them with Anti-Weevil spray.
So the foremost (Four Most?) senior officers?
And Andy tells her it was almost like an orchestrated attack designed to cause the most chaos.
Meanwhile Tonto are looking for ghosts at the central server, and it doesn't take long to find them.
They're a bunch of guys in hoods. Weapon of choice: the Scythe.
Tosh and Ianto whip out their guns and Indiana Jones them into oblivion.
Ianto: There we are then. Tosh: Sorted.
With Tonto being extremely effective in dispatching the alien threat we'll now join Owen who is explaining to this lady that what she has trapped in the basement is an Alien Garbage disposal, also known as a Hoix, and it will eat anything.
He prepares a sedative and a pack of smokes for the Hoix to snack in and in he goes!
He lures the beast out of hiding and sends it to sleep. There that was easy! Go team! Alls well that ends well right? Riiiight?
No, not really. Jack gasps awake chained and hanging in midair.
He wants to know what John thinks he's doing exactly, and John is still whining about being some jilted lover from his last visit.
And Jack says, Are you for serious? Because that's what we're all thinking...John's taking it a little to the extreme, and that's saying a lot for a guy who pushed his ex off a building the last time we saw him.
John drops some more subtle hints about not being entirely in control of the situation, and starts messing with the rift manipulator. Jack remembers that a demon beast from hell was unleashed last time that happened so he yells at John to stop and gets electrocuted for his troubles.
Well, if Jack can't stop him surely the team will come to the rescue.
And John wishes they would come and stop him, but no. They're too busy with the Weevils and bollocks and shit.
Then John whisks Jack away to find a better view of Cardiff.
And Jack wants to make this right with John, whatever it is that went wrong, but alas...he can't, and John commands the teams attention via invisible ear communicator.
Gwen, Owen, Ianto, and Tosh, listen up.
Gwen wants to know what happened to Jack, but John's not telling. In fact he has something planned for them too apparently.
Ianto demands that John put Jack on the line.
John looks pleased to hear him speak up if only so he can call him Eye Candy in front of the entire team, but Jack still can't come to the phone.
He tells them to hit the roofs.
Jack asks what he's doing when he whips out this ominous looking hand held device, and he apologizes before he blows Cardiff to kingdom come.
Reaction shot! Oh, my God! says Gwen.
For some reason I don't have a caption of it even though I know I took one...hmmm. Anyway, John takes Jack through the rift, and Team Torchwood is left to their own devices.
Meanwhile a handy caption tells us when we are, a long long time ago.
John gets a much deserved punch in the face and Jack demands to be taken back to present day Cardiff.
But John's all, 'Look, stupid, I have a bomb fused to my arm, I was trying to warn you.'
And Jack backs away, saying 'you're a walking bomb!' Why, yes, he is, because he just told you that. And it also records everything he does and says so the puppet master will know when he misbehaves...
And if he does, Captain John goes kablamo! and so does everything else within...well, who knows what distance. So there's another special power we can add to the list: Captain John Hart : Bomb Magnet.
Then he's on about how Jack missed all his little clues and why would he want to blow up stupid old Cardiff when he could be experiencing seventeen different kinds of pleasure in the Lotus nebula...but before he finishes he spots the puppet master over Jack's shoulder and tells Jack to RUN!
It's Grey, we know this because we get a bunch of flashbacks and stuff.
Grey's all, 'I knew we'd find each other one day, Hugs!' Happy, reunion right? RIGHT?
Wrong. Jack apologizes and gets a knife in the gut for it. Apology NOT accepted.
Back in present times Gwen has rounded up the troops and is giving what is supposed to be an inspiring speech I presume.
I presume, because of the looks on everybody's faces...the speech itself is a little underwhelming and we can wonder all we like why anybody would listen to her, but the fact is we are supposed to believe Gwen is Torchwood and full of awesome, so whatever. She tells everybody to go door to door and reassure the population, which is so something Gwen would do, what with her empathy powers and all, but the entire police force? Surely they have emergency protocols for dealing with terrorist bombings with or without the Four most (foremost?) Senior officers.
And Andy's all, 'Gwen is so awesome', and Rhys looks like he wants to do her right there in the hallway.
Meanwhile Tonto are mucking about in the servers. Good uses for a Torchlight #2: Phallic Symbol.
Anyway this handy display tells us that the nuclear plant at Turnmill is going into meltdown!
and Tosh concludes that they can't fix this remotely. Luckily, Ianto has a plan, which involves him going to the power plant himself to fix it on-site.
Tosh doesn't like this idea because it very well might turn into a suicide mission.
Ianto's secret bossing skills flare up and he asks her if they're going to have a discussion about it or are they going to do what needs to be done? Tosh relents but she's going with him.
Meanwhile Jack is getting cuffed and there's a giant hole dug behind him. We can totally see where this is going.
Grey is playing the blame game. He blames Jack for not coming after him, even though Jack was like...a kid at the time. What was he supposed to hop in a spaceship and go after the most horrible creatures imaginable and leave his mother all alone? The gist of it is that Grey has got revenge on his mind after this horrible torture he's endured, and forgiveness is not on the menu no matter how many times Jack tries to tell him that he did search for him and that he is sorry.
After Grey lays the blame entirely on Jack's shoulders, John tries to put a stop to the madness finally but Grey just shoves Jack into the hole. His evil plan is to bury Jack alive so he can spend eternity dying over and over again, and then while Jack's busy doing that he's going to go back to Cardiff and destroy everything he loves. Evil.
John totally doesn't want to go through with this evil plan, but Jack gives him the okay nod.
John's glad that he doesn't have to get exploded, and he drops a ring in the hole...Grey wonders what it is momentarily, but John says it's worth nothing more than sentimental value, and then Jack gets a face full of dirt.
That being done, Grey arrives in Cardiff...I have to wonder how this dude can travel in time...I mean, through the rift obviously, but how does he do it? Does he have his own rift manipulator? Didn't Jack and John have to go to Time agent school to learn how to do this stuff? Didn't Grey spend the last X number of years tied up and tortured by alien creatures? How can he even know how to TALK? For all intensive purposes he should be some kind of feral man child incapable of communication... >>> Okay, moving quickly on then.
Meanwhile Gwen is having a crisis of faith...in herself.
Good thing Rhys is there to reassure her, and tell her how awesome she is.
She's reinvigorated by this pep talk and wants to marry Rhys all over again. Because Gwen LOVES Rhys. Believe it or not!
Tosh butts in on this tender moment to inform Gwen that there has been rift activity back at the hub that needs checking out. She and Ianto can't do it because they're busy saving Cardiff from nuclear meltdown, and Owen can't do it because he's saving lives over at the hospital with no power.
but Gwen can't leave the police station because...uh...?
Good thing Rhys is there, and he'll keep an eye on things.
Gwen enters the hub all alone and looks around with her gun at the ready...I have to say that the place is just ripe with hiding places for ambush, because I'm still not sure how everything fits...A bad guy could come popping right out from the floor she's standing on and I wouldn't be surprised.
Anyway, it's John. He's gotten a free pass from Grey and has come back to help find Jack. That's the least he can do since the day is well past being saved already.
Gwen orders him to his knees and he wonders if it's all just sex, sex, sex with them. Team Torchwood? That would be a resounding yes, I think.
Gwen demands answers, so she gets the whole scoop on Grey and the bomb, which John is finally able to peel off his wrist like Grey promised. Gross.
And Gwen is going to let the guy help find Jack. She isn't even going to restrain him or anything, nor does she keep the gun on him the whole time.
So John gets in contact with Tonto, who are dubious to say the least when he asks Tosh to search for some kind of signal. Gwen tells them it's okay, so Tosh searches and finds nothing.
Ianto totally does not believe this bullshit for one second.
But John is kind of freaking out because there should be a signal...and if there isn't then Jack is lost...buried underneath Cardiff, and they have no hope of ever digging him up again.
Before they can get any further there's a really loud ear piercing noise that permeates the hub...and it wakes up all the weevils, they come up out of the sewers and start rampaging throughout Cardiff, chomping on citizens as they go.
Crazypants lets them out of their cages, but they aren't interested in eating him, and off they go in search of less padded prey.
Now that the noise is finished, Gwen and John go back to searching for a signal that doesn't exist.
Tosh and Ianto can't navigate their way through the streets now, with all the weevils running around, and before you think we're going to get away with a few episodes without mention of pizza, you're going to have to take a look at the signs on the wall behind them.
Owen is going to take over nuclear power plant meltdown aversion duties now because he is the King of the Weevils and they all bow down to him as soon as he exits the hospital and heads for Turnmill.
Meanwhile, at the police station they're under Weevil attack but manage to lock the creatures outside. Rhys says something that I do not understand and Andy snarks at him as Rhys walks away oblivious.
At the hub Gwen and John come under Weevil attack themselves since Grey let them all out of the vaults...
Luckily Tonto is there to kick some Weevil ass.
Gwen's like, Boy am I ever glad to see you guys...which is a phrase I bet she never thought she'd be uttering towards Ianto or Tosh.
But I don't think Ianto really gives a crap about the Weevils eating them, he's got a one track mind right now and that track is called "Kill John Hart."
Gwen intervenes on John's behalf before Ianto can shoot him, and they're off to deposit the Weevils back into the cells. John's trying to explain his actions to Ianto, but Ianto isn't as full of forgiveness as everybody else is, and he thinks being strapped to a bomb is a pretty crappy excuse for abducting Jack and blowing up a city and trying to kill them all and stuff. Especially the part about Jack...Ianto threatens to kill John very, very slowly if they can't find him.
Of course, nobody was keeping guard as they all hauled the Weevils into their cells even though John had previously deduced that it was Grey who let them out in the first place...I mean, come on guys. It's no surprise to anybody except them that Grey has now locked their asses inside.
Grey and John face to face. Grey wants to know why he came back to help. A question of honour says John. Grey snickers.
Gwen tries to use her magical powers of compassion to get Grey to confess where he buried Jack. This does not work because he's batshit crazy insane and compassion is far beyond his comprehension.
Ianto is kind of desperate to know Jack's whereabouts, but Grey barely even notices him.
Meanwhile Owen convinces this lady not to go down with the sinking ship (that is the Nuclear Powers Station.) Somehow he manages to sound like he knows what he's doing when he does not as he later tells Tosh over the coms.
The Reactor has gone critical! Owen wants to know if Tosh can fix it, and of course she can, because she's brilliant! She's going to divert some power and talk Owen through restoring the cooling system. Easy enough. Right. Right?
Wrong, because Grey is going to crash the party with a bullet to Tosh's abdomen.
Owen wants to know where Tosh is since she's not answer the coms anymore, but she can't really talk right now.
And Grey is whining about how awesome a release death would be. I think he should just put himself out of his misery if he's so keen on it, instead of dying vicariously through poor Tosh who hasn't done anything to deserve this.
Meanwhile something starts banging, it's so loud it can be heard throughout the entire hub, because these guys down in the cells can hear it loud and clear.
And Tosh has to drag herself down the steps to the autopsy bay so she can get her hand held device from where Grey has thrown it and help Owen, it's the only chance since the psycho has also pulled the plug out from all the other computers.
Where has Grey gone? He's going to check out the banging noise, because he has a death wish. So what's behind Door #3?
It's Jack Harkness! The first words out of his mouth are "I forgive you." Damn it. Grey is never going to get his wish is he?
And Grey is just like, 'I thought I buried your ass for eternity?'
So how did Jack end up in cold storage? Let's ask Alice, she's happily been tracing the signal John was looking for earlier to an actual physical location! Yay!
And, yeah, Alice is really rather scary, the way she grins when she's questioning Jack. Apparently he's supposed to be on assignment somewhere and she's kind of pissed that he's been buried the whole time.
And so it was John's ring that was transmitting the signal, and Jack finally manages to explain to them that he's crossed his own time line and needs to be frozen until he can get back to the right time. The future is at stake!
Post flashback: Jack forgives Grey some more for good measure, as if he wants to be forgiven since he probably doesn't think he's done anything wrong in the first place. We also get a nice shot of the scar on his neck. It could be a brand, but I'm going to imagine it's a bite mark from the worst creatures imaginable.
And Jack walks away, which pisses Grey off some more so he follows him.
Jack has forgiven him, so now Jack wants some forgiveness too, but Grey's all, 'I wish I had died'. and I wish Jack would've killed him right there and given him what he wanted, maybe I'm a cold hearted bitch, but I'm distinctly lacking in sympathy for the boy.
And nothing has changed, Grey still blames Jack for the creatures torturing him for so long and will never forgive him ever, Jack is still really, really sorry, I still don't have any sympathy.
Grey finally lets Jack hug him without getting getting stabbed, and Jack gives him the hankie of chloroform and he's out for the count, so at least we don't have to deal with his crazy ass anymore.
Meanwhile John recalls the Weevils with his own handy gadget.
Where have they gone, wonders Rhys, and Andy replies Abergavenny I'd like to take this moment to thank Andy and Rhys for bringing a little comic relief to this episode before we all start weeping buckets.
Because back at the ranch Tosh is taking more painkillers and bleeding out, while lying to Owen about it and blaming it on her broken arm.
Owen's ready for Action.
But the meltdown is already too far gone. Owen, not one to be daunted, prompts Tosh into finding another way.
All Owen has to do is vent the Flood channels and the building will go into lockdown, and all he has to do beyond that is get out in time!
Meanwhile, down in the vaults, Jack lets the three stooges out of the cells. Gwen, of course is the first one to pounce on him.
Ianto worries that they might have lost Jack, and Jack says never. And seriously, Gwen. Will you let go of his damn arm so he can give Ianto a proper hug?
Okay, fine, group hug will have to do.
John waits in the Queue.
And everything seems to be in place here. Jack is back, Gwen is clingy, and Ianto assumes #2 position.
But what of Tosh and Owen? While this happy reunion is going on downstairs There's been an energy spike at the Nuclear plant.
and the one thing Owen thought he could manage to do, he doesn't, and that is get out before the building goes into lock down. Now he's stuck to face certain doom.
With one meltdown averted, Owen decides he's going to have one of his own and throws an almighty temper tantrum. He's already dead, but he doesn't want to get any more dead, so he decides he's going to go out kicking and screaming. This is upsetting poor Tosh even more so she tells him to stop, and he asks for one good reason why he should.
"Because you're breaking my heart" she says.
And he calms down. He wants to know what's going to happen. Tosh doesn't want to tell him, but he insists. The short of it is that he's going to have to watch his body disintegrate. Fun times. At least he doesn't have to feel anything.
Poor Tosh blames herself for not being able to fix things sooner, and Owen tells her not to. I mean she's been saving his ass ever since he got there...she can't win them all.
And then we get concrete irrefutable cannon evidence that Tosh was the Doctor in the Doctor Who episode 'Aliens of London'. She was posing as a Medic to cover for Owen who was hungover and unreachable. Space pig. There you go.
Owen comes to grip with his fate and is ready to stand up and face it like a man. Goodbye, Owen. Even though you were kind of an ass sometimes, I'm going to miss you.
Jack and company finally make it back upstairs, where they find Tosh on the verge of death herself. She's lost too much blood...there's nothing they can do.
She tells them about Owen and dies in Jack's arms. Goodbye, Tosh. May you be free from all the sorrows that the writers liked to dish out to you. I'm going to miss you most of all.
Later, Gwen drowns her sadness in Rhys cuddles.
And Jack puts Grey in the Deep freeze over at the hub.
John tells him that it's not going to fix anything. Grey is still going to be the psycho that murdered his friends, but Jack doesn't have it in him to kill his brother. John then asks why Jack didn't struggle while getting buried. The short answer: He thinks he deserved it. John tries to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong, but Jack is going to carry the guilt around anyway, because he always does.
And John decides he's going to stick around Earth for a while and see what all the fuss is. He gives Jack a parting kiss on the cheek and condolences before he goes.
Later Jack is weepily packing up Owen's things.
Gwen is weepily packing up Tosh's things.
Ianto is making scrunchy faces (and I think desperately trying not to loose it.) as he closes out Tosh and Owen's computers.
As he closes out Tosh's station, she pops up on the screen with a good bye message. She hopes she was impressing, and wants to let them know that it's okay. To Jack: You saved me and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. To Owen: You never knew...but I love you, all of you, and I hope I did good.
Now we carry on says Jack, but Gwen doesn't think she can. Jack tells her that yes she can they all can and gives her a little comfort because she needs it, and he reaches for Ianto. Ianto some how manages to hold it all in and not to shed a tear through this even though everybody else has by now, and he certainly looks like he wants to.
The end is where we start from, says Jack...and we say goodbye to the hub...until next time!
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