The Paris of America

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Title: The Time of Angels
Season: 05 Episode: 04
Summary: Just add River.

Whoa, the whole world is spinning around this young dude with lipstick on his face as well as a glazed over expression. Clearly something is wrong with him, or something is right with him. Either way...

Some other dudes arrive on the scene, looking serious and and well dressed.

The kid points out what a beautiful day is and Tux guy wipes away the lipstick.

It seems the kid has been infected with hallucinogenic lipstick. Apparently his happy place is a grassy field in the middle of nowhere.

These guys are real though. It appears they are in some kind of spaceship. (I kid! It appears like they are in a non-descript metal tube...but I know it's a spaceship.)

Tux has determined that this lipstick belongs to "Her" Ahhh, not this mysterious biz again! I'll just go ahead and tell you that this foot belongs to none other than River Song. She was in the preview already, so we don't have to pretend! You may remember her from that episode where she died in a library.

River's got a gun!

She shoots open a door to reveal a black box.

She puts the gun on the laser torch setting and begins to carve into it.

This screencap says it all, I think.

So, in the far future, we find the Doctor and Amy perusing the Delirium archive. (Which is the final resting place of the headless monks! I want to meet the headless monks! How do they eat? How do they communicate? Did one of them go back in time to terrorize the citizens of Sleepy Hollow when he decided he wanted a new head?)

Anyway... Amy wants to go on some more Adventurin' She's all hyped up on their death-defying feats of daring-do! The Doctor just wants to hang out at the museum and point out how all the historians got their facts wrong.

Amy wants to know why a museum, since he can just go to whatever time he wants and experience it for real. The Doctor scampers from display to display pointing out the ones that are his doing and Amy concludes that it's how he keeps score. In any case...a familiar black box has caught his attentions.

There is now a message inscribed on it. Amy is less than enthusiastic about it.

Back in the past...River is carving the box.

The Doctor explains what the box is to Amy. It's a home box. Like a black box recorder on a plane, but going one step further, it actually rises from the ashes of whatever disaster its spaceship has befallen and flies away home. (That is some trick, since the last time we saw this one, it was in some kind of locked vault.)

Amy is completely unimpressed.

Oh, and by the way? River is carving out this box in Gallifrean.

the Doctor fondly remembers the awesome power of his native tongue...the power to topple gods and raise empires and such. Y'know, the usual. But what does this box say?

"Hello, Sweetie."

Oh, River, you sly fox, you.

She acknowledges the security cams, and despite being a bazillion years in the future, the quality is just about the same as it is today. You think by now CCTV would be in HD at the very least! At the most it would do full body scans and run background checks on your entire family.

Back to the more distant Future and Alarm bells are sounding as the Doctor absconds with the Box.

In the Future past...River is caught red handed. Just one thought before we get back to the action:

Why in blue blazes is everybody in formal wear? River's in a full length black dress and there's Tuxy here... Was this a space cruise? Does everybody dress like a Bond villain in this future?

The Doctor plugs in the box in hopes that he can recover what's recorded inside. (I just have to tell you that I'm imaging this thing sprouts wings when it "Flies" home. This has to be the least aerodynamic design for something that has to fly anywhere. Birds everywhere are laughing. They're also laughing at the TARDIS too, I suppose...since that too is a flying box.)

We spy River on the tape. Amy smiles the Doctor looks rather surprised.

We switch back and forth between River in her time and the footage on the security tape. It seems Alistair is the name of our Tux wearing guy, and River acts all coy with him.

River warns of what is hiding in the ship's cargo area...which we can pretty well guess by the preview and the title of the episode once again. I guess the only things that can remain shrouded in mystery before the big reveal are space whales. You wouldn't think a Space Whale would be so good at hiding.

In any case, Tux wants her dead, but he wants it to look like an accident.

River shouts out some numbers, which the Doctor immediately recognizes as coordinates, and she also asks for an "Air Corridor" The Doctor jumps into action.

River tells Tux to hold onto something... Like she said on the Dance floor. SO, I guess this is a cruise ship, or at least a ship on which people party all high-class style.

Seems she has a rigged a bomb to blow this door in the hull behind her. Tux and his companions grab hold of whatever they can get their hands on and River blows them a kiss.

River flies away, and Tux and friends can barely hang on.

There's the TARDIS, right on time for once.

The Doctor reaches out a hand.

And Catches a River.

Amy wants to know what the meaning of this is!

This is no time for catching up though. River needs him to go after Tux and his ship.

They chase after the ship, but can't keep up with it. I just thought it was important to note that River has hung her shoe up on the TV screen there.

River is being a backseat driver as the Doctor tries to steer a course. It seems as if she knows more about this TARDIS than even he does.

They argue about whether or not the blue stabilizers are stabilizers and it turns out that they are. The Ship stops pitching about once she presses them and she gives him a cute "I Told You So!" smile.

The Doctor thinks having to hold on for dear life is much more fun. (Really, he's just annoyed with River though.)


So, Amy's totally curious about this River person and her mad TARDIS flying skillz. The Doctor scoffs at that. You're not flying the TARDIS unless shit is crashing down around all around you. He stomps away, leaving Amy with her suspicions.

Meanwhile, River is pleased to show of her impressive technobabbling. She's parked the TARDIS right next to Tux's spaceship.

The Doctor doesn't believe they've landed, but River assures him. He says no way, because it didn't make the noise...then he does an impression of the TARDIS noise to demonstrate. Which is quite hilarious, I must say.

River tells him that the noise is because he leaves the brakes on. He pouts and says that he meant to do that. That noise is AWESOME! I concur. We're keeping the noise!

River wants to do environment checks before they disembark, and the Doctor is done with her for now, so he does one of his own.

River reads stats off a screen, but the Doctor impatiently informs them of where they are. See, he's not totally useless.

Amy still wants to know how River became a TARDIS pilot extraordinaire. She learned from the best, it seems. The Doctor is proud of himself until River says he was busy that day. Harhar. Playful banter.

River wants to know why Tux landed on this particular planet with his precious cargo. It seems he didn't...he crashed. The Doctor ushers River out the door and closes it behind her.

Amy, like the Daleks, only has one "E" word for the Doctor. But hers is "Explain!"

He'd love to explain, but it's a long and complicated story which he hasn't yet experienced most of. In fact, he's going to ditch River right now.

Amy wants to know if he's running away now...which is an affirmative. He doesn't want to deal with his future until it happens, thank you very much.

Amy wonders if it is even possible to run away from your future. She should know...she's been doing it for three episodes so far. The Doctor can too for that matter! "Time is not the Boss of Me!" I would like that quote on a T-shirt now. Thanks! :D

Amy realizes that she may be able to convince the Doctor to stay, because he promised her an actual alien planet adventure. (So far she's had a Space Whale and WWII for those of us keeping score.)

She begs for five minutes, and he caves almost instantly, because how can you say no to Miss Amelia Pond? He does not, however, want to get sucked into an adventure with River Song.

Oh. Well. Nice knowin' you, Tux.

Our trio observe the wreck. Turns out it wasn't River that was the cause of the crash. It was some other sabotage. River says she tried to warn them...the Doctor wants to know what about.

River doesn't answer, she just comments about the temple the ship crashed into wasn't occupied. Good! Meanwhile, Amy wants an introduction so the Doctor hands it over.

Amy Pond, meet Professor River Song!

Uh-Oh! River hasn't become a professor yet! Spoilers, Doctor! Spoilers! No wonder he wants to run away, this has to be confusing to keep track of.

River explains her home box trick to Amy, and they hit it off right away. Break it up ladies! The Doctor doesn't like you talking about his score-keeping habits when he's within' earshot.

The Doctor tries to tell River that he's not going to be there every time she jumps out of a spaceship, but she knows he will be.

But enough about River's space diving ways. About that warning? There's a thing Tux was keeping in that ship that can't ever die. Good to know. What could it be?

So, River needs a sonic boost here, because she's on the phone to some unnamed dudes that she's in cahoots with and they need to latch onto her single.

Someone is Sooo not pleased with this situation.

Amy teasing him is not helping.

River checks her secret diary to see where she and the Doctor are in their journey.

The Doctor warns the curious Pond away from it.

And the Doctor is just really itching to get the hell away from here. Time may not be the boss of him, but I guess he still likes meeting people in some kind of chronological order that makes sense.

Some military dudes funnel in from somewhere above.

He's a little confused, because it seems as if Dr. Song here promised him an army.

Yep. There's your army.

This is Father Octavian. Bishop 2nd Class.


Seems River was helping them out on a covert mission... A mission for what? Ahhh, the big reveal! What is hiding in that ship, causing it to crash in this particular place? It's a weeping angle! (I am so shocked!)

Their mission, should they choose to accept it, is to go in and neutralize the angels. Now to figure out how to get in.

Sarcastic!Doctor makes another appearance as Octavian describes how he wants to go in through the dark, dank catacombs. The better to not see anything so the Weeping Angels can eat you, dude!

Octavian interrupts to helpfully point out that the Catacombs are Technically called "Mazes of Death." Well, that is certainly inspiring. The Doctor tells him to quit while he's ahead.

Amy has deduced that the Weeping Angels are bad time news since the Doctor is letting militar...I mean the Clergy march around and call him Sir which is something he usually frowns upon.

Oh, yes. The Doctor is in full on snark mode. I guess the stress brings it out or something, because he asks Amy what part of "Wait in the TARDIS until it's safe" doesn't she understand. I think the "TARDIS" and "WAIT" parts if I had to make an educated guess.

Amy tries to cheer him up by teasing him about his grumpy attitude right now, but he's still all Serious Business.

He explains what a horrible creature the weeping angels are and what he's up against to go in and detain one. He ask Amy if she has any questions about this perilous undertaking he's about to endure. The one that's fraught with danger and likely death and everything.

Just one. "Is River Song Your Wife?"

The Doctor gives her a 'what am I going to do with you?' sigh and looks away as Amy gives us the rundown of all the wifely clues River is dropping all over the place.

He tells Amy that she's right...but not about the wife thing...about the part where he's grumpy.

River calls them into the office thing they've set up, and as they go the Doctor explains to Amy that Octavian is called a Bishop because they are the Church and that is how they roll in the 51st century.

Inside the Office, River has found footage of the weeping angel.

River has got this tape on a's only four seconds. Octavian here wants to learn a little of the Doctor's previous Angel experience.

Amy is confused, because to her it just looks like a statue. River explains that it's only a statue when you're looking at it.

River explains where this particular angel hails from, and she thinks it's dormant. The Doctor just thinks it's waiting for something.

Amy's still stuck on how it can be alive and River tells her the whole "Now YOu see it, Now it's gonna kill you!" premise of the Angels.

The Doctor further explains quantum locks...and that it doesn't even exist when you're looking at it.

So, the Doctor heads back out and explains how damn dangerous it's going to be to go in those death mazes with all the toxic stuff the crashed spaceship is leaking out now. And on top of that, all that stuff, is only going to make the angels stronger.

The Aplans were the indigenous species on this planet. They're the ones who built the temple. But as it turns out they're gone now, and the human race has colonized the empty planet. 'Cos humans want all our fingers in all the pies everywhere all the time. The Doctor is delighted with our manifest destiny though.

See, he's pleased because as long as we humans are mucking around in the galaxies he's always going to have a job pulling our asses out of the fires we jump in.

And it's off we go, to save the colonies from the clear and present danger that is a weeping statue.

River calls the Doctor "Sweetie" again and calls him over.

Amy wants to know if she's needed anywhere...but she's not. This planetary adveture has turned out to be boring so's about to get exciting though.

Amy goes inside the mobile command unit here, and notices something off about the Angel on the screen. (I'll give you a's not covering its face anymore.)

Hey, look! River has chosen a convenient time to whip out the difinitive guidebook on the angels...that was written by a crazy person.

Amy peeks her head out to express concern about the tape and wonders if there's another tape River has...but it's only the four second loop. Meanwhile, the Doctor is mumbling about how the book is 'wrong'.

Right, so...there's definitely something wrong with this tape. It's still looping, but the Angel is moving.

Outside, River tries to make small talk about where the Doctor is in his history, but he's not having it. He's busy tasting the book and looking through the eyehole. He wants to know how she knows what he looks like...she has pictures of all his faces.

Interesting. What's more interesting? There are no pictures in the book. The Doctor thinks this is strange.

Amy tries to turn off the Monitor, but the Angel remains.

She tries to talk some sense into herself by reminding herself that it's just a recording.

She tries to unplug the Monitor, but when she looks up the Angel is all up in her face.

Finally, she has the sense to call for a Doctor, but the angel has locked the door. She's trapped!

It's gonna get you!

Outside, the Doctor can't figure out why there aren't pictures until he re-reads that bit in the guide that says: "That which holds an image of an angel, becomes itself an angel." a videotape?

Maybe, but River needs a little clarification because those words aren't clear enough for her.

She should ask Amy. I'm pretty sure she has a very firm grasp on the concept right now.

Finally they realize Amy's in trouble as she's been calling for help this whole time. She apprises the doctor of the situation and he reminds her not to blink.

Everything is deadlocked though, even the power, so they can't turn the monitor off. River is getting testy and insisting that there is no deadlock even though there is. (Because the Angels made it happen I guess.)

River tries cutting a hole, and the Doctor tells Amy to try turning off the screen again...but don't blink!

Amy finds it difficult; not blinking, so she employs the one eye at a time blink instead. She reaches the remote, but finds she has the same problem as before.

Amy is feeling hopeless now, so she wants to know what her impending doom is going to feel like.

The Doctor's not hearing that, though. He's going to get her out of this jam. He sits down to consult the field manual, and remembers a bit of instruction that might come in handy: Look at it, but not in the eyes.

It's kind of too late for that, since Amy has already been doing the opposite.

Why though? Even River wants to know. It's because eyes aren't windows, they are doors. (But if a door is made of glass, isn't it also like a window?) In any case, Amy can't look at it, because the Angel will enter her soul or something is what it comes down to.

Amy's a smart girl though. She's didn't wait for the German bombs, so she's not going to wait for the Doctor to figure this out either. She asks for clarification on the whole image/angel biz, and when the tape hits the point at which it loops back to the first second...

At precisely that moment when the Angel flickers out of sight, she hits the power button.

Amy is certainly relieved, as is everyone.

River and the Doctor are impressed. The Doctor instructs River to give Amy a hug since he's busy.

Meanwhile: KABOOM! The Church has broken through to the Death Maze. Now the real adventurin' can begin.

And Amy has something stuck in her eye!

So, Amy wants to know what this deep dark cave is all about, since she wasn't there for the Maze of the Dead story. River explains it.

The Doctor further illustrates the point by kicking a gravity ball up into the sky where it lights up the area. So, not only is this maze of death dark, but it is also filled with statues as well. It couldn't be a more perfect spot to hide a bunch of death bringing stone angels.

It's like a Hayneedle in a Needle stack or something. Octavian's prayers for this being easy have fallen on deaf ears.

He wants to know how to fight the thing once they find it. With hope and rainbows or something. They don't really have a plan, in other words.

Octavian grabs River as she passes and has a little aside with her about her shady doings that the Doctor (and We) don't know about yet.

Octavian warns her not to let on lest the Doctor not help them out...she tells him that she won't do that, because she doesn't want to go back to prison. Aha!

So, Angelo and some other Cleric are going to keep an eye on the exit now. They hear a noise. It was nice knowin' you guys!

Back with the Doctor, and Amy is leaking sand out of her eye.

River comes upon her and asks if she's okay. Amy plays it off like something totally freaky didn't just come out of her eye. Instead she asks about the maze of the dead. River says it isn't as bad as it sounds...just a maze with dead people buried in it. I dunno, that ranks pretty low on the list of Mazes I would like to be in. It's definitely bellow Corn, and Hedges.

River gives her a shot to keep her from dying here on this alien planet in a cave filled with radiation from a crashed cruise ship.

Amy tries to get the future Doctor scoop from River, but she doesn't really bite. He is what he is, and that's all that he is.

The Doctor's over here pretending not to listen to them, but he has his whatchamathingy upside down.

So, Amy tries to ask River if she's his wife, but she's not saying one way or the other either. She just compliments Amy on her observational skillz.

Meanwhile, Angelo and his mate are patrolling the exit and expressing disbelief at hunting statues. One of them thinks it's a better prospect than Lava Snakes...or not.

The Light starts to go out and then there's the sound of stone scraping across the floor. He calls for Angelo, but there is no answer.

the Angel! Oh, No! The Lights go out.

Ah, Christian is this one's name. Christian calls Angelo to see if that was him making all that noise, and Angelo answers and tells him to come and see for himself.

Christian isn't going to fall for that is he? He tells Angelo to just tell him, but Angelo keeps prodding him to come and see.

Nope. He fell for it.

The Doctor is busy inspecting statues in the meanwhile, but they aren't Angels as far as he can tell. Then there is gunfire. It turns out this young cleric is shooting at random statues because he's all keyed up and on edge.

This is Bob. Just...weep for him now and get it over with folks. He might as well be wearing a red shirt.

Octavian gives him a talk that isn't so much peppy as it is get your act together, troop! The Doctor is nicer though, he asks his name and tells him it's a good one. I concur. It's the perfect name!!!

Bob is a sacred name according to Octavian. That must be the least sacred sounding name of all the sacred names.

The Doctor tells Bob it's good to be scared, that way he can be on his toes and ready for the Angels.

In fact, the Doctor says that anybody who isn't scared is a moron. If that is the case then Bob must be genius because he looks like he's about to wet himself.

Octavian orders Bob to stay with Angelo and Christian. Oh, Sacred Bob, We hardly knew you!

Amy has a reasonable worry as they move on...that maybe the whole building will collapse...what with the giant spaceship that crashed into it and everything. The Doctor & River tell her about the Aplans and what great architects they were. The Doctor even has some stories to tell! This particular species have two heads by the way. (A Nice bookend to the headless Monks of earlier in this recap.)

River reads the final passage of the book, about the Time of Angels coming. The Doctor looks around suspiciously...trying to work things out in his mind.

Meanwhile, Angelo and Christian are lying dead as doornails under the shadow of an Angel while Bob calls out for them over the walkie-talkie.

Amy "Are We There Yet"s the Doctor as they climb up to where the spaceship is. River informs us that they have two levels yet to climb, and the Doctor rambles on about the Aplans and how he and Amy should pay them a visit back when they existed.

River knows there's something wrong as they continue and the Doctor regales stories of making out with the two headed Aplans. By the way, they have two heads. Count 'em! TWO. This species that made this temple and buried its dead here has two heads. One...Two...

The Doctor continues his ramble...those rascally Aplans couldn't even marry themselves (with their double heads) The Church passed a law, and that's the church for ya: No offense to the Bishops in the room. Octavian takes offense anyway.

50ft to go! Amy bonds with Octavian and says that the church kind of had a point since divorcing your own (second) head must have been a bit troublesome.

There you go! The Doctor and River have a simultaneous epiphany. (The best kind)

They focus on these single headed statues.

River wonders how in the world they could miss it, since it's rather obvious. The Doctor thinks may a perception filter...or just a brain fart on their part.

Octavian is confused as the Doctor orders everybody to stand still and then proclaims that he's made a terrible mistake and they're all in danger. But what mistake?

He explains about the head situation then herds everybody into a corner and proposes an experiment. Turn out the lights. This was good in the last episode, but not so much in this one.

So they do it and the Doctor is left with only his on. River wants to know if he's sure that it's such a good idea. He's not, but he's going to do it anyway.

The statues moved as we knew they would. Maybe Bob had the right idea by shooting everything in sight?

Yep. They're angels alright. What now?

Speaking of Bob, he's still down below trying to find Christian and Angelo, when he hears Angelo's voice on the speaker. We know Angelo's it's this trick again.

The Disembodied voice tells Bob to come and see what he's found. Just like Christian, Bob doesn't like this come and see biz. He just wants Angelo's voice to tell him already, but the Angelo voice insists and just like Christian, Bob also falls for the trick.

Oh, Bob. *Sadface*

Meanwhile, River is insisting that there was only one angel, Amy wonders if they weren't there already, and the Doctor ponders the fate of the Aplans.

Nobody knows how they died out...until now I guess.

Well, these Angels are all withered and dying of starvation down here. The Doctor says their Image is Power and has another epiphany about power. This time nobody shares it with him.

It seems as if this crash was no accident. The angel did it on purpose so it could rescue it's brethren here and the radiation from the spaceship is going to recharge their batteries so to speak.

Octavian calls down to Bob, Angelo, and Christian, now that they've all decided they need to get the hell out of dodge.

Bob voice answers. He informs Octavian that Angelo and Christian are dead.

So the Doctor snatches the radio from Octavian and when he protest just gives him the one minute finger and tell shim to shut up. He asks Bob where he is and he's on the way back.

Everybody is *Sadface* now. Octavian grabs his radio back and chats with Bob voice for a minute...the Doctor thinks it's odd that the Angel's snapped their necks, unless they needed the bodies.

Octavian wants to try a rescue mission, because I guess he doesn't want to believe they're really dead. The Doctor tells him not to be stupid.

The Doctor wants to know how Bob escaped. He has to give them the bad news of his death himself. Turns out the Angels snapped his neck too.

The Doctor wants to know what's up with the talking then? It turns out that the angels wanted to communicate so they reanimated his conscious and are using his voice.

As they head up to the Spaceship...where they're going to have to escape, the Doctor apologizes for calling Octavian an idiot earlier. There just wasn't any way the men could be rescued. Octavian walks away, but not without a parting shot about how he's going to have to explain this to their families.

The Doctor confirms with Angel!Bob that the original Angel is no longer in the wreckage and he's off to join the rest of the gang.

He almost runs past Amy, who has a bit of a problem going on.

She's turning to stone.

The Doctor assures her that it's all in her mind, and she can move it if she wants. Amy insists that it can't be done.

She tries to tell him to leave her, but he's not going to do that. The angels are advancing and he tells her to keep an eye on them.

She tells him about all the things his future has in store for him, and how he has to go save Octavian and River and Co. and he apologizes to her.

But not for leaving her like she thinks, because he's still not doing that.

He's apologizing For biting her hand. Amy cannot believe this shit...but at least she's not made out of stone anymore.

Amy complains about his "Space Teeth" leaving a mark, and he reminds her that she's alive.

Now they have come to a dead end. They can't reach the ship, and the Angels are advancing, the lights are going out. So have they really found Death at the end of this Death Maze?

River says that this is about the time he has a brilliant idea...but apparently the Doctor's brilliant plan this time is to chant "There's Always a Way Out" like the little engine that could.

Then Angel!Bob calls him up.

The Angels just wanted him to know that Bob died in fear and alone and that the Doctor's advice was no good, so he let Bob down. *Double Sadface* :(

Amy wants to know what the Angel's deal is for imparting that little kernel of knowledge. River says they're trying to make him angry.

Really? They think that's a good idea? To make him angry?

Bob's really sorry that the Angels made him tell the Doctor that, but the Doctor vows to avenge his death. Those angels are goin' Down!

The Doctor asks the girls if they trust him, and...of course they do. Octavian is a little more reluctant, but he doesn't really have a choice. He says that he has faith.

So, the Doctor gets Octavian's gun, and tells them all to jump on his signal.

Angel!Bob wants to know one thing: What was their big mistake? Their big mistake was putting the Doctor in a corner, because nobody puts the Doctor in a corner!

And with that, he shoots the gun into the volatile spaceship above!

Next Time:

To Be Continued!

We're in the woods now?

More Crack!

And More Angels!

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