Yo-Ho-Ho! and a Bottle of WUT?

Episode 03 season 06
Title: The Curse of the Black Spot
Summary: Beware the Siren's Song.

Look everybody! Pirates!

They all climb aboard the big ship...a ship that is covered with talismans of all sorts.

In any case they have bad news to report: there's been an injury. With the solemn and dismayed reactions everybody is having, it doesn't look like it's good news for the poor man.

Time to wake the captain!

He has slipped in the bilge water and injured his hand. The Situation is dire. He may not live through the night.

Wait. That's it? I knew that medicine was poor back in the day, but I didn't think it was that bad.

Captain flips his hand over and declares the crewman dead. He has been marked.

Soon they hear the sound of someone singing in the distance.

Despite warning not to go outside of the cabin, our black-spotted guy has to answer the call of the siren. His pirate friends aren't particularly good at holding him back, so I guess they're just resigned to his imminent doom.

Behind him, the rest of the crew lock themselves in the cabin and the Captain shields them against the impending doom with this mermaid medallion.

Outside this poor, terrified pirate with a cut on his hand, faces his fate. We only hear his screams when we cut back to the medallion swinging on the captain's door.

Later, there is no sign of their shipmate except for his gun.

They lament their position...it seems as if they're stuck on a windless sea. Suddenly! There is a banging coming from below deck.

It's the Doctor and Co. Naturally! He makes another attempt at a catch phrase that fails... The Pirates are totally unresponsive to his "Yo-Ho-Hoing!" Rory just timidly waves at them, and Amy is making looks of scorn behind their backs.

After the break, the TARDIS is in the cargo hold of the ship.

Meanwhile, in the Captain's room, the Doctor is trying to explain how their sensors were picking up a ship in distress signal.

The Captain is hung up on the whole idea of "Sensors" in this scenario and the Doctor is getting nowhere with him.

This Guy...I will call him the 1st Mate since he's lurking at the Captain's right hand... Anyway, he thinks the Doctor and his crew is the work of some kind of sorcery or something.

Amy just seems a little bored and slightly annoyed by this adventure.

The Doctor tries to act all chummy with the Captain. They are both sailors after all. Unfortunately the Captain thinks that they're stowaways. That is the only explanation for their sudden appearance aboard his becalmed vessel.

what to do with a stowaway? That's right. The Doctor's walking the plank and maintaining a sense of humor about it. He snarks on the crew's piratey laughs and wonders where the parrots are as he edges out to the end of a plank.

The Captain doesn't seem to think it's very funny. There's actually a reasonable explanation for sending these extra people to the sharks... They're running low on supplies and they can't afford any more mouths to feed while they're stuck out here dead in the water.

Oh, but it's just the boys they've sentenced to death. They're going to keep the lady...For y'know...cooking and stuff.

Rory attempts to defend Amy's honor, but he can't do much to stop them.

Well, the Captain has had enough of the Doctor's mouth.

The Doctor demands more laughter. Rory does not believe this shit.

Meanwhile, below deck, Amy has found a conveniently placed box of swords.

What's a conveniently placed box of swords without a costume?

Back upstairs the Doctor is preparing himself for shark-bait while wondering what happened to the rest of the crew.

Before they can answer or push the Doctor off into the briny: Amy to the Rescue!

The Doctor is afraid for her facing down these terrible pirate foes. They are pirates after all, not exactly a group known for their ethics.

Seems her weapon of choice is pretty darn effective since she has the Captain worried that a sword can kill them all.

That is the point though.

This pirate has chosen to do battle with a stick, as Rory can tell you, this isn't exactly an effective weapon against swords.

Amy has somehow managed to hold all these pirates at bay. I'd say they're disproportionally afraid of one girl with one sword...for a big bad band of pirates anyway.

This guy's about to wet himself for goodness sake. What kind of pirates are these?

Well, we all know what they're scared of, but Amy here just thinks her amateur swordsmanship has got them on the run.

Actually, her sword skillz aren't totally scoffable. She actually manages to take out one guy then swing across the deck on a rope...kicking a couple more guys and slicing this one right here.

He knows he's as good as dead and he says so.

Amy just thinks he's the biggest drama queen ever.

We know better though. He's got the black mark of death on him.

Amy is displeased. These sad sack pirates are no fun. This is no way to go adventurin'!

Meanwhile, the Doctor is still in the clutches of the Captain who is explaining to Amy why they are all quaking in their pirate boots. The Siren will show up at just one drop of blood.

Amy is not taking them seriously at all, and she goes swinging at one that dares approach her.

Amy swings straight into the pirate's arms and loses her sword on the way. Rory breaks free and makes the unwise decision to grab at the sharp end.

Don't judge. You know you've all grabbed something dangerous without thinking. (bare metal handle attached to the hot pan on the stove, I'm looking at you.)

Oh, Rory, Rory, Rory.

The Doctor doesn't explain Rory's current predicament when he asks, but the Captain knows what's up. He's been marked for death.

Of COURSE he has.

The Captain further explains that there is a demon out there that comes and nabs them at the first scent of blood.

The Doctor is excited now! "Demons" are right up his alley. He tells Rory at least he got warning of his impending demise this time, but that's not very reassuring.

The singing can be heard again. The siren is upon them now.

Rory is attempting to be his reasonable self and get them all back in the TARDIS before he can perish again, when he is suddenly taken by the Siren's call and gets all swoony over Amy.

Which just seems to weird her out more than anything.

As if he'd walked the plank himself, Rory has gone off the deep end. Everything is brilliant, even the pirate's beards and especially Amy's swashbuckling outfit. He wants to cuddle her.

In fact, he's going to grow a beard with his new pirate friend right now. Then Cuddles (With Amy)

Okay, maybe not with Amy. The Captain explains that the song is what has turned them mad.

Amy is the first one to spot the blue light in the water.

Rory and his BFF look like they think this is the most amazing thing ever, possibly even more amazing than beards. The First mate and the Doctor are not as impressed.

This creature appears from the water! Ghosts!??

Amy manages to keep an arm on Rory and hold him back, while the pirate has nobody that cares enough about him to do that. I mean...his only friend wants to go to the light with him after all.

He reaches out and... Certain Doom, right? You know certain doom is coming?

Blam! As soon as she touches him, he turns into dust!

Even still... Rory wants to go to there.

Amy's having none of that. She will cut a bitch who messes with her man and his stupid face.

Whoa. Siren isn't having it either!

Amy get's knocked on her ass by Siren's red faced fury and the Doctor orders everyone into the hold.

Meanwhile, Rory welcomes dust-hood with open arms. He has to be dragged away kicking and screaming pretty much.

Now they're in the hold, knee deep in bilge water and the Captain is explaining the mythology behind the Siren.

We all know that this is an episode of Doctor Who and it's not really a Siren, correct? Let's just get that out of the way now.

And just like an episode of Doctor Who, the Doctor is eager to get the bottom of the mysterious green singing "shark" as the first mate likens her to, in an evening gown.

The Captain's all...*Shut-Up! It's a Curse!* The Doctor is amused by the humans and their tiny brain capacity to understand and/or seek out the logical explanations for our myths instead of just slapping the word "Curse" on it and going on our way.

I don't know about you, but Curse sounds about as likely as Aliens or some other explanation that we don't know about yet .dot .dot .dot

Over in other areas of the bilge, Rory is explaining to Amy how the Siren is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She attempts to talk some sense into him.

Sense and Rory do not belong in the same sentence right now. Maybe he won't be doing any explaining tonight.

Over here the Captain is expressing his disbelief that the TARDIS is a real ship. He wants the Doctor to prove it. The Doctor isn't happy about the gun and thinks that maybe the Cap is overcompensating for something.

One of the mates thinks that maybe they should just leave Rory to the Siren to save them all. Rory thinks that is an excellent idea.

But before the Doctor can shoot down that notion, it gets all Stand By Me up in the Bilge water when they realize there's leeches chillin' down there. I don't know about you, but I would have totally climbed on top of a box before a leech got a chance. Knee high bilge water isn't something I would want to be standing around in.

Excuse my Schadenfreude, but this is the pirate that wanted to leave Rory. Now the Siren can take you instead!

The Doctor ponders -why does it want blood- and tries to dispel any worry they might have by assuring everybody that they're safe behind locked doors.

What was that you were saying? Famous Last Words, Doctor.

They at least attempt to try and stop this pirate.

And then there were three pirates. Three pirates that want to know how the hell that thing got inside.

The Doctor theorizes that it was using the bilge water as a portal, and they have to find somewhere that has no water.

Amy thinks that's a preposterous idea in the middle of the ocean, but the Cap has a place. The Magazine.

The Doctor has to explain that that's not a thing you read, but a place where you keep all the weapons, and we know that gunpowder has to stay dry.

The Doctor gives the order to head on out to that magical land of no water, but the Cap doesn't like that. He gives the orders on this ship.

The Doctor doesn't seem too worried about being shot, and he leads the way anyway.

Well, well, well...the key is missing now. What kind of a first mate are you? Can't even keep your keys straight.

The Doctor approaches the door and pushes it open. It was already unlocked, which means someone already found the best hiding place on the ship. Who could it be?

Just a shot of the first mate's slack jawed disbelief here, because it's kind of hilarious. Either he can't believe he had his keys stolen out from under his nose, or he can't believe that he didn't think of hiding away and leaving everybody else to fend for themselves ages ago.

Inside, the Cap orders them to barricade the door and reminds them to be careful with the lanterns. They are in a place filled with gunpowder after all.

Well, they found the person who stole the keys, and it wasn't a scaredy-cat member of the crew. It's a real stowaway. His coughing gave away his location.

We learn that it is the Captain's son, and the Cap wants to know why he's there. At first I thought it was just because he was hanging out in a barrel of gunpowder, but the kid is still coughing.

Mom will be worried after all... Not so much. The boys mother has died.

Apparently the boy doesn't know that much about dear old dad. His mother told him stories about how he was an honorable Captain in the Navy, and how the boy would be proud to know him.

Awwwwwk-Waaaaard.

The boy wants to join the crew here, but Dad wants to send him back. The Doctor is sad face for a moment, but soon smiles at the boys spunk.

Dad can't send him anywhere when they're stuck a hundred miles out at sea, becalmed, and not going anywhere.

The Cap tries to explain that they are not safe there. There is a curse...but the boy is well aware of the black spot. He coughs as if to punctuate the point.

Later after the Cap has checked the boy and found no scars, they are all back to square one as far as theories go. Apparently it isn't blood that the Siren wants after all.

New theory! It's coming for all the sick.

Finally the Doctor is for getting the hell out of there. It's only a matter of time before they all become sick or injured.

Again with the guns! The Cap doesn't like it when the Doctor tells him that they should go retrieve the TARDIS together.

meanwhile, the boy is thirsty, so he opens up a water barrel and the Siren immediately pokes her hand through.

The Doctor manages to slam the lid back on the thing, and the First Mate whines about being cursed again. This makes the Doctor a little bit angry because he doesn't think they're helpless. If they were actually cursed they would be.

The Doctor asks the Cap for orders...and his orders are that he and the Doctor are going to retrieve the TARDIS while everybody else stays put. The First Mate is getting restless. He doesn't want to be a sitting duck.

After some reassurances for Amy and Rory and learning that the kid's name is Toby, the Doctor and the Captain head on out. The Cap wonders if maybe the should draw straws for honour of being in charge.

Seems that now he's away from the eyes of his crewmen he isn't as quick to draw his gun and assert leadership.

The Doctor gives him 1st crack at it anyway though.

His first act as the man in charge is to trip and almost impale himself on an exposed nail. Siren or no...that would have hurt!

Inside the TARDIS...before the Cap can get a word out and he swirls around taking everything in, the Doctor stops him. There is no time for shock and awe right now.

Bigger on the inside. Moving right along.

Back in the Magazine, I guess Amy has been passive aggressively huffing around waiting for Rory to ask her what's wrong. He finally does and she reveals that she's upset that the thinks the Siren is the most beautiful thing in the world and not her.

It seems the Siren's spell has worn off Rory for the time being, because he can't remember saying that at all, and is kind of embarrassed.

We'll leave that tender moment aside and go over to the door where the first mate and his friend are removing the barricade.

Mutiny on the Bounty! It's a mutiny of two though, so I don't know how effective that's going to be. Maybe it's more like a deserting.

Back in the TARDIS, instead of cowering in a corner at all this magical technology... the man that was confused by sensors earlier is showing a healthy curiosity about the inner workings of the ship, and manages to pint out a few things that he recognizes.

"Ship's a ship" he says.

Back in the Mag. The kid...Toby, is dismayed at the crew's lack of order following. What kind of officers are they, not to listen to the Captain? Their NAVAL Captain who is in the Navy.

Now...this kid is no idiot, so I think this is a case of willful ignorance that he hasn't figured this out yet. He wants to believe in the man his mother told him about, even if that man doesn't exist anymore...if he ever did.

The First Mate has had enough of this, so he's going to smash the kid's idealized version of his dad into little tiny bits. His eyebrow has developed some kind of cowlick denoting the douchery that is now afoot.

Amy gets very Momly with Toby and tells him in a soft voice not to listen to the mean old man as she covers his ears. This screencap kind of makes me 'aww' actually.

We're Pirates! Arrrrrg!

Toby, of course, doesn't want to believe this shit, but as the 1st Mate tells him of how dear old dad is a murderin' pirate...it seems to start to sink in.

Back over here, the TARDIS is becalmed and the Cap is amused that the Doctor's ship doesn't work either.

Over here again, and these two dogs are planning to make off with all the booty.

Oops, Toby found a sword, and you're the jerk that just ruined the perfect image of his dad. I'd watch out, if I were you.

1st Mate is a bit scared, but he thinks Toby is just playing games. Doesn't look like the kid is playing games to me.

Hah-Hah.

back in the TARDIS and the Doctor still can't get her going. It seems as if she can't lock onto the proper plane. This confuses everybody including me. The Doctor thinks we should get T-shirts. Good idea!

The first Mate is distraught now that he's been marked for death. The Rest of the gang think he's certainly got what he deserved and Mulligan...the other pirate who has remained nameless until now, takes the keys. He's outta here!

Amy reminds him that there is no honor among thieves, as he full well knows, so he shouldn't be so surprised that his buddy has made a runner on them.

Now he looks like he's about to burst into tears. He can't beat 'em anymore, so now he has to join them, so he reinstitutes the barricade.

Over in the TARDIS, there's a lot of technobabble happening, but the Doctor is out of ideas to get the ship moving, short of stroking her and singing her a song.

They have to abandon ship! They make it back out just in time to see her dematerialize to places/times unknown!

This is something that's never happened before, and it's got the Doctor confused and more than a little bit worried.

They come across Mulligan making his escape. The Cap points out that this is mutiny, but Mulls is getting while the getting's good.

The Doctor thinks they should go after him because he's got the supplies. The Cap is just worried about his treasure.

Mulligan locks himself in another area of the ship and lights some kind of dangerous looking torch that consists of some kindling on top of a piece of metal or something. Naturally, he burns himself.

Outside, the siren's call is heard, and the Cap and Doctor check themselves for injury...the Cap's pectoral region seems to be of great interest.

Neither of them is the target though. She's come for a Mulligan.

Inside there is no sign of Mulligan. He's been taken, but at least the Cap gets his crown back as he wonders how she could have gotten into this particular waterless room.

The Doctor tells the Cap to ignore all his previous wrong theories. This one is the real deal. It's not the water she's getting through, but the reflection in the water... Reflections are the portal!

Reflection, you say?

Yes. It is the polished metal, this is why she attacks ships filled with treasure and where the legend of the Siren came from.

Off to warn the others now!

Unfortunately, Toby has made the decision to polish his mermaid medallion to a bright sheen.

The Doctor and the Cap make it in time, and the Doctor snatches away the medallion and fogs it up nice and good while Toby looks at him like he's a crazy person.

Amy and Rory also think this is a bit strange, even by Doctor standards.

The Doctor gives the all clear, and just as quickly as he came, he runs back out again on a mission to destroy every single reflective surface on the ship.

Even if it means 7 years bad luck.

The Cap wonders how much worse it can get. For you? Much worse.

The Doctor wants to send the booty to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

The Cap really doesn't want to do that, but the mention of Toby and his imminent demise, has the Cap sold. Reluctantly. Very reluctantly.

The Doctor sends him after the crown in the storeroom.

Once there, the Cap removes the crown from the sack that it's in and admires it. One last time, perhaps? Perhaps not.

Right, so, back in the Magazine with Rory and Amy wondering why they can't TARDIS the hell out of there (It's been "towed")

The Doctor and Cap are explaining that they can't even go above deck because of the calm water...

If they can't go above deck, they had to bust all the mirrors and get rid of the treasure because...???

Later, when everybody is asleep, the Cap sits down to have a heart to heart chat with his son. He's sorry about the kid's mom dying and everything.

Instead of answering the question the Cap poses about how much he must miss his mom, Toby lays on a huge guilt trip and wonders why the Cap hasn't sent word in three years.

See. He made a promise to Mom that he would come home. She died without ever getting to see that.

Toby wants to know why he became a pirate. That's a question that isn't going to be answered right now either.

Meanwhile, Rory and Amy are asleep and she's hearing voices that wake her up. They are saying to "relax" and "everything's going to be fine."

It's the Eyepatch lady!

That wakes Amy right up, but the eyepatch lady is gone now, and she has nobody to talk to about it. Not that she would.

The Doctor and Cap are out on deck, where they're not supposed to be... I guess they're okay, since they're not marked yet.

The Doctor is stargazing and explaining that adventurin' is no fun without somebody to go adventurin' with.

The Cap doesn't take the hint. He's still sending Toby back to England, since he's not the father that Toby needs or thinks he is.

Ahh, well, the Doctor is going to ask how the Cap became a pirate, also, we learn that his name is Henry Avery.

No, we don't get to hear the story. We only learn that the Cap is now resigned to the life of a pirate and thinks there is nothing he can do about that now.

The Doctor thinks different. Things can always be changed.

Inside the Captain's quarters, Amy has something on her mind that she wants to discuss, but the Doctor shushes her. The Doctor has a funny feeling that he's being watched.

It's a storm!

Apparently he's only got Amy and Rory and the Doctor to help him out with the sails, and they know nothing about that. The first mate has disappeared.

Toby heads below deck to retrieve the Cap's coat and compass. Rory can't hear a damned thing that's being shouted at him.

Toby arrives with the jacket, but stumbles. The crown of the fabled Burger King spills out of it and onto the deck. Everybody stares at it.

Toby looks to dad for an explanation for this fuckery.

Dad has no words. He knows he's done a bad, bad thing that has put two of them in grave danger.

Like clockwork, the Siren appears.

Despite the warnings, Toby heads straight for her.

Nobody moves until it's too late.

Toby is gone now, and the Doctor gives the Cap a stern dressing down and an all too accurate theory on why the Cap turned to pirating:

He's a greedy, selfish, SOB, basically is what it boils down to.

In other places of the ship...Rory is knocked right over the side into the water by the boom. Amy wants to jump in after him, but the Doctor manages to catch her before she does.

The only thing that can save Rory from a watery grave...

The Doctor has a new theory that is hopefully better than the other ones. Perhaps the siren isn't just a ravenous she-beast. Perhaps it can be reasoned with, and maybe everybody is still alive.

Somehow.

They all prick their fingers, so that the Siren may take them to the same place that she's taken the others.

There she is! She's coming to take you away. Ha! Ha!

Later, the Doctor wakes up.

They're alive!

And they're on a spaceship that's trapped...unseen...in a temporal rift right atop the Cap's ship.

To Make a long story short...the ships are in parallel worlds. Amy says she gets it, but the doctor says it's not really like that at all.

The reflections are gateways between the worlds though. So that explains that.

The Doctor throws a Clevis (look it up ) at the window and it slides right through and lands on the ship's wooden deck.

There's an alarm sounding and the gang realizes that the distress signal they were picking up wasn't coming from the pirate ship after all, but from this one.

So...what's behind door number one?

Dang. I'd imagine this thing once upon a time looked like some kind of giant rat monster.

They wander into the control room where there's another Rat monster, and Amy's wondering how long they must have been stranded between universes. The Captain thinks it must have been a damn long time because it looks like they starved to death.

Since this is the episode of totally wrong theories that are totally wrong, let's take a moment to consider the Doctor's hypothesis that the Siren is a stowaway herself, and Amy's...that the Siren killed these aliens and their crew.

It wasn't the Siren. It was human bacteria that killed them.

While the Doctor is explaining this totally mundane reason for the dead on the ship, he sticks his hand in some alien boogers.

And wipes them on Amy's sweater. What else are BFF's for?

They head through another door, and instead of the skeletal remains of a long dead crew, they find Cap'n Henry's crew instead and they're still alive.

So they all run to their long lost loved ones. The Captain to Toby, and Amy with Rory.

The Doctor and TARDIS.

Not only is Toby alive here, but his fever is now gone.

Their body functions have all been placed on hold basically and have they've had tissue samples taken.

As soon as the Doctor and Amy try to free Rory, the Siren shows up, so they hide behind some kind of machine.

Rory's awake and struggling now, but the Siren soon comes and puts him back to sleep.

The Doctor is gleeful at this new bit of information...her song is basically anesthetizing these people. The Cap has had enough of this and he brings out his gun. Obviously, the Doctor protests.

He shoots at it, but as you can see, that does no good.

The Doctor sneezes and attracts her attention to him as he wonder's what this burgeoning fireball's purpose is... I guess, besides flambeing him.

Sterilization he guesses as he sneezes into a handy tissue and tosses it aside for the Siren to vaporize.

Well, the Doctor has a new theory, so disregard all the other theories! Amy tells him that they've been ignoring him for a while now on that front, and she keeps trying to free Rory despite the Doctor protesting.

He eventually just shouts out his new theory...the Siren is not trying to kill anybody. In fact, she is a Doctor. This theory seems to be the correct one, as she goes from red back to blue...though she still remains sneering at Amy.

Long story short?

She is an Automated-Doctor who no longer has a crew, so she's been hopping back and forth between worlds attempting to take care of the humans.

Alas, she has no idea how to fix humans, so she just puts them in stasis and watches over them. She's still screaming at Amy whenever she tries to release Rory.

So the Doctor has Amy try to explain that she's Rory's next of kin. The Siren seems to get that and offers up some kind of futuristic consent form. (That's what the Doctor Calls it) Amy is taking full responsibility for Rory once she puts her hand in the circle.

One Problem... Rory's still in the midst of drowning.

Somehow...even though he can't breath when the machine is off...when it's on he can totally talk to everybody. We'll pretend this is physically possible.

Amy explains that he has to stay here on the machine forever if he doesn't get up now...except if he gets out of the machine...he's going to die. Catch 22.

Oh, but wait! He wants Amy to Pull him out of the machine and resuscitate him. He's a nurse. CPR, Amy? Let him explain it to you.

Amy has absolutely no faith in her skillz to pull this off.

Rory has enough faith in her for everybody though. He knows she can do it.

Amy tries to get the Doctor to agree to do it instead, but he wanders out of the picture and Rory tells her that she should do it...because he knows she'll never give up.

Well, if that over there wasn't a dire enough situation...

The Doctor has to explain to the Cap that the ship must go back into space, so the Siren doesn't get out and try to put every human in existence in stasis. What of Toby?

The Doctor just gives a shake of the head. What Toby's got can't be cured this day and age. The Kid basically has no chance, unlike the rest of the crew who only have minor cuts and scrapes.

Since the Cap basically has nothing to go back to, and neither does Toby, he decides he wants to stay on the ship and let the Siren look after his boy. The Doctor wonders if the Cap can fly this thing and he says to "Just Point Me at the Atom Accelerator."

Dude catches on quick for someone who was confused by 'sensors' at the beginning of the episode.

Over here, Amy has received her tutelage and they're ready to get Rory off the machine.

Into the TARDIS. Amy begins chest compressions...Rory isn't breathing.

She's practically having a nervous breakdown as she does the CPR, and the Doctor's got his Sad "This isn't going to end well" face on.

Rory's still not waking up. Amy sinks down to her knees.

Oh, but that last effort seems to have done the trick!

The Doctor looks on as they hug it out.

Out in Space...the Cap and Toby are 1st and 2nd in command up on the ship's bridge.

The Rest of the Crew are there too! Only the guys we got to know though:

Mulligan, the Baldy from the beginning, 1st mate who we never even saw taken by the Siren...he must have slipped out in the middle of the night, Dude who wanted to leave everybody to the Siren, and Rory's Beard Brother.

They are Space Pirates now!

Over in the TARDIS, Amy thinks she made an awesome pirate. Rory thinks she was an awesome nurse, they say goodnight to the Doctor and the Doctor calls her "Amelia" which she points out...he only does when he's worried.